A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
-Confucius
Okay. Fair enough. But what if you just don't know in which direction you're supposed to take that initial stride?
Do you ever feel like you're not living at your greatest potential? Like you're not really being challenged, or rather, that you're no longer challenging yourself? You've grown complacent and you know you need to shake things up, but aren't totally sure what elements need shaking?
But over the past few months, something terrible has happened: I got comfortable. Once uncharted, bumpy terrain has since become smoothed over and well mapped out. This isn't so terrible - in fact, it's quite nice to figure out your way, and travel down the path in peace. But what happens when you no longer feel like traveling? You're bored with the trail and need new scenery and adventures to inspire you?
I'm ready for a change. I just don't know what it is. Is it a total overhaul of career? Lifestyle? Or something more minor like taking up a new creative hobby or spending more time with friends?
I watch others around me accomplishing, completing, working towards and becoming. And I wonder, why am I not doing the same? For a time I was truly on fire. I was being assigned more work than I could handle, breaking into magazines that as a child I dreamed of one day writing for, excelling at dance and finding pleasure in activities like cricket and City exploring. But right at this moment, I feel I've lost it. I'm not exactly sure what 'it' is, or where it could have gone. All I know is that 'it's' not here. And I miss 'it'.
While I realize we can't operate at a level of 100 percent potential all the time - hello, burnout - I am the type of person who is happiest when she is achieving. Learning new things. Going beyond her limits and proving to herself, and all those around her, that she's capable of so much more than people (self included) give her credit for. I can look into my future and see the woman I want to become...but I'm not sure how to get there; how to grow into her. And though I've traveled daunting, weary paths before, this one feels wholly intimidating. Perhaps that's why I've yet to set foot on the trail and take that first, single step?
There are so many things I want to do, but not sure how to begin - all it takes is one step. One single step. How can I remember this and believe it; act on it?
Maybe I could begin with any of these: I want to relate with others. Maybe even spend a month abroad somewhere living, absorbing new cultures and human interactions. I want to find a rustic hideaway in this noisy, swarming city where I can take refuge and recharge. I want to regain the endurance and perseverence that characterized the early stages of mine. I need to sit by an ocean and feel the rumbling waves. I want to dig my toes deep into the sand and feel its granules slough away my deadened skin; wear away my despondency. I want to rockclimb and hike. I want to bask in the Earth's natural beauty. I want to jog 10 miles, just to prove to myself I can do it. I want to learn to cook. Take up yoga and delve back into spirituality. Build bonds with other like-minded people. Spend some time in the desert with nothing but my computer and write, write, write - even if it's shit, I just need to creatively express. I need to listen to my needs and fulfill them.
We Are What We Think
We are what we think.
Never have truer words been spoken. What so many people fail to comprehend is that we create our realities. What is the difference between our inner thoughts and the world surrounding us? Absolutely nothing.
I know many people who expect misfortune in their lives. They claim that they are "unlucky" and use the bad things that happen to them as reinforcement for their pessimistic views. even me some times say for myself "Nothing good ever happens to me, this is just my lot in life." How irresponsible!
Each of us is in control of our lives. We have the power and ability to make our lives great. By the same token, we have the power and ability to make our lives suck. When we blame the negative things that happen to us on external factors such as "bad luck" or one's "lot in life," we are merely passing blame; removing the accountability from ourselves (the rightful owners) to something completely intangible.
I know this is a difficult concept to grasp because we are so used to the idea that what happens in our mind is independent of what happens in our environment, but this is a fallacy. Once we realize how strong the power of thought/intention is, we can begin to change our lives.
Each morning when you wake up, plan out your day. Imagine what you want to accomplish, the way in which you want to act, the mood you want to be in, etc. Visualize yourself in all your activities excluding this mood and doing all the things you want and need to do. If you begin your day in this manner, often times, you will be shocked to find that your experiences match your your visualizations and thoughts(luck in your language). The power of intention is far greater than you realize.
As I always believe, we are the commanders in control of our lives. Through the power of thought - coupled with the power of action - we can change the direction of our lives any time we choose. I say go for it!
Our thoughts create our realities only if we go for it strongly. We are what we think.
"If you think it's going to rain, it will."
Never have truer words been spoken. What so many people fail to comprehend is that we create our realities. What is the difference between our inner thoughts and the world surrounding us? Absolutely nothing.
I know many people who expect misfortune in their lives. They claim that they are "unlucky" and use the bad things that happen to them as reinforcement for their pessimistic views. even me some times say for myself "Nothing good ever happens to me, this is just my lot in life." How irresponsible!
Each of us is in control of our lives. We have the power and ability to make our lives great. By the same token, we have the power and ability to make our lives suck. When we blame the negative things that happen to us on external factors such as "bad luck" or one's "lot in life," we are merely passing blame; removing the accountability from ourselves (the rightful owners) to something completely intangible.
I know this is a difficult concept to grasp because we are so used to the idea that what happens in our mind is independent of what happens in our environment, but this is a fallacy. Once we realize how strong the power of thought/intention is, we can begin to change our lives.
Each morning when you wake up, plan out your day. Imagine what you want to accomplish, the way in which you want to act, the mood you want to be in, etc. Visualize yourself in all your activities excluding this mood and doing all the things you want and need to do. If you begin your day in this manner, often times, you will be shocked to find that your experiences match your your visualizations and thoughts(luck in your language). The power of intention is far greater than you realize.
As I always believe, we are the commanders in control of our lives. Through the power of thought - coupled with the power of action - we can change the direction of our lives any time we choose. I say go for it!
Our thoughts create our realities only if we go for it strongly. We are what we think.
"If you think it's going to rain, it will."
Im Confused
The thoughts I have are really messed up, and they change around a lot. I am very confused with what to do. I am looking for a natural method to do this but everything I am reading says take this but don't mix with anything else, or take this but take with that and there are just so many I don't know what to start with. I haven't tried swallowing pills in a while and I get anxious about that... which makes me feel more doubt about being able to because of the physical symptoms which is why I haven't tried things like homeopathic things.. I am just too on edge to swallow pills, but I know that is in my head and I would probably be able to if I just let myself relax [heh]
I need something to write, I feel like I am losing my mind. I can't go through a single day without my head racing with either totally weird things or just constant thinking [like talking to myself in my head usually]. I am trying to hard and everyone around me keeps saying that I'm doing so well and I'm trying but every morning I wake up after a fitful night of very little sleep and everything hurts and I want to hide in the blankets forever and just die there. I force myself to get dressed and get up though I have not much to get up for [professionally speaking]. & I try to fill my day doing things that aren't just sitting around because I've had tendencies to do that in the past. It's like anxieties and fears keep filling up and one worry never fully goes away. I don't know what the point of living is going to be if I can't even think and feel like a normal person.
So often I just wish things were like they were before, but before was the same. I was always either depressed, or suffering social anxiety, or suffering intrusive thoughts, or suffering from fear that __ was going to happen to me, and I am just so sick and tired of it. Why are there so few success stories out there to fill me with hope? I don't want to worry anymore. But this is me now...
I still smoke, I don't know how not to.
I know everyone has their problems. And I try to tell myself well at least I am not living on the side of the road or at least I still have hope deep down, and at leas tI have a supportive family and now i want a friend who keeps showing me she/he isn't going anywhere. & it's good enough to make me want to live through the day. but living within myself each day, having this stuff continuously run through my head.. as if I were some kind of monster. I am such a timid person. I don't even harm bugs. Why should I think such disgusting thoughts? I know we aren't supposed to question them. I know we are supposed to just stop being afraid of them.. I did that for a while, but they still came whenever they wanted to.
And here I am, begging for something to hold on to, begging for a reason to keep me going through each day, something to think about so I don't have to think about this.
I'm sorry this ended up being so full of frustration . There aren't many other places I can talk about this. I think my family feels I'm doing good, they don't want to hear about how crazy I feel. I envy them for having normalcy. This is shameful on my part.
I need something to write, I feel like I am losing my mind. I can't go through a single day without my head racing with either totally weird things or just constant thinking [like talking to myself in my head usually]. I am trying to hard and everyone around me keeps saying that I'm doing so well and I'm trying but every morning I wake up after a fitful night of very little sleep and everything hurts and I want to hide in the blankets forever and just die there. I force myself to get dressed and get up though I have not much to get up for [professionally speaking]. & I try to fill my day doing things that aren't just sitting around because I've had tendencies to do that in the past. It's like anxieties and fears keep filling up and one worry never fully goes away. I don't know what the point of living is going to be if I can't even think and feel like a normal person.
So often I just wish things were like they were before, but before was the same. I was always either depressed, or suffering social anxiety, or suffering intrusive thoughts, or suffering from fear that __ was going to happen to me, and I am just so sick and tired of it. Why are there so few success stories out there to fill me with hope? I don't want to worry anymore. But this is me now...
I still smoke, I don't know how not to.
I know everyone has their problems. And I try to tell myself well at least I am not living on the side of the road or at least I still have hope deep down, and at leas tI have a supportive family and now i want a friend who keeps showing me she/he isn't going anywhere. & it's good enough to make me want to live through the day. but living within myself each day, having this stuff continuously run through my head.. as if I were some kind of monster. I am such a timid person. I don't even harm bugs. Why should I think such disgusting thoughts? I know we aren't supposed to question them. I know we are supposed to just stop being afraid of them.. I did that for a while, but they still came whenever they wanted to.
And here I am, begging for something to hold on to, begging for a reason to keep me going through each day, something to think about so I don't have to think about this.
I'm sorry this ended up being so full of frustration . There aren't many other places I can talk about this. I think my family feels I'm doing good, they don't want to hear about how crazy I feel. I envy them for having normalcy. This is shameful on my part.
This Is My Drug.
I've discovered that gratitude is like a drug to me. I thrive on it. I can't get enough of it. If I can find a way to do something for somebody I care about, and they are thankful, I am at my happiest. They don't even need to say it; I just need to know they appreciate it. As a result, I tend to feel my closest connections to those I'm helping. And I tend not to feel as connected to friends who are totally self-sufficient.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not trying to convey that I'm some altruistic saint. In fact, I'm saying the opposite: I do this stuff because I get a rush out of it. I'm not Mother Teresa or Ramana maharshi. For one thing, I don't get much from helping random strangers, although that is definitely nice sometimes. Rather, I find the greatest joy from doing things for people I already know (or want to know better). And I don't particularly need to perform great mountain-moving acts of sacrifice that change lives, although that would be cool. I just want to do little things that make people happy. I want to give people rides in emergency. I want to proofread an important application essay. I want to help somebody move a heavy piece of furniture. I want to host a fun weekend getaway. I want to help somebody resolve a personal problem.
I think this one little personality trait helps explains a lot about me, now that I think about it. It's a big part of the reason I find myself loathing my studies. I don't really mind what i study day-to-day, and I don't mind working hard. I like the people. But the more I'm consumed by this studies (and I am) the less I have time to give of myself. I feel like the only thing I have to show for the last 2 to 3 years is a healthy bank account. Apart from a few exceptions, I don't feel like my existence since moving to chitoor has done anybody much good at all. I don't plan fun weekend trips like I used to because I am never sure whether I'm going to have to cancel at the last minute because of busy schedule in college (My poor attendance percentage pays ). I can't commit to help a friend move or take somebody in emergency again, I never know whether I'll have to cancel.
I just can't be happy when I'm living my life selfishly.
It's also probably why I constantly find myself attracted to needy guys. If they're fully put together, I don't feel like I can offer them anything. To give and take in equal amounts feels TO ME like I'm a net drain on the relationship. I'm happiest when I'm giving more than I'm taking. So I go for poorer guys, guys with crappy/unhappy things, guys with family issues. Older, richer, successful, fulfilled guys don't NEED me. And I feel like if somebody needs me for some reason, they'll appreciate having me, and that will make me happy. (Aside: I realize I should learn to just let myself be loved, to be happy being equal, to be willing to let myself be taken care of...but this post isn't about that. .. Im just figuring out the issues)
What made me realize this about myself is something very simple that happened this week. I have a friend who needs help finding a shelter. I had a bit of time, so I started searching and found a couple things and sent him the info. He was so excited and so appreciative! I had been kinda in the dumps lately, and hadn't found anything very effective to pull me out. But when I read his text saying "Aw! Thanks Bachi!" I got such an incredible natural high, and realized "This is it! This is what makes me happiest!" It had been so long since I'd done anything that would make somebody appreciate me that I'd forgotten how good it feels. The sudden, immediate and lasting improvement in my mood was just like a drug. All it took was a simple favor, and a simple "thank you", and I was back to my normal happy self. It's not a cure-all, but it sure helped.
So, now that I know this, I'm not sure what it means going forward. But it's a good thing to have figured out
Don't get me wrong...I'm not trying to convey that I'm some altruistic saint. In fact, I'm saying the opposite: I do this stuff because I get a rush out of it. I'm not Mother Teresa or Ramana maharshi. For one thing, I don't get much from helping random strangers, although that is definitely nice sometimes. Rather, I find the greatest joy from doing things for people I already know (or want to know better). And I don't particularly need to perform great mountain-moving acts of sacrifice that change lives, although that would be cool. I just want to do little things that make people happy. I want to give people rides in emergency. I want to proofread an important application essay. I want to help somebody move a heavy piece of furniture. I want to host a fun weekend getaway. I want to help somebody resolve a personal problem.
I think this one little personality trait helps explains a lot about me, now that I think about it. It's a big part of the reason I find myself loathing my studies. I don't really mind what i study day-to-day, and I don't mind working hard. I like the people. But the more I'm consumed by this studies (and I am) the less I have time to give of myself. I feel like the only thing I have to show for the last 2 to 3 years is a healthy bank account. Apart from a few exceptions, I don't feel like my existence since moving to chitoor has done anybody much good at all. I don't plan fun weekend trips like I used to because I am never sure whether I'm going to have to cancel at the last minute because of busy schedule in college (My poor attendance percentage pays ). I can't commit to help a friend move or take somebody in emergency again, I never know whether I'll have to cancel.
I just can't be happy when I'm living my life selfishly.
It's also probably why I constantly find myself attracted to needy guys. If they're fully put together, I don't feel like I can offer them anything. To give and take in equal amounts feels TO ME like I'm a net drain on the relationship. I'm happiest when I'm giving more than I'm taking. So I go for poorer guys, guys with crappy/unhappy things, guys with family issues. Older, richer, successful, fulfilled guys don't NEED me. And I feel like if somebody needs me for some reason, they'll appreciate having me, and that will make me happy. (Aside: I realize I should learn to just let myself be loved, to be happy being equal, to be willing to let myself be taken care of...but this post isn't about that. .. Im just figuring out the issues)
What made me realize this about myself is something very simple that happened this week. I have a friend who needs help finding a shelter. I had a bit of time, so I started searching and found a couple things and sent him the info. He was so excited and so appreciative! I had been kinda in the dumps lately, and hadn't found anything very effective to pull me out. But when I read his text saying "Aw! Thanks Bachi!" I got such an incredible natural high, and realized "This is it! This is what makes me happiest!" It had been so long since I'd done anything that would make somebody appreciate me that I'd forgotten how good it feels. The sudden, immediate and lasting improvement in my mood was just like a drug. All it took was a simple favor, and a simple "thank you", and I was back to my normal happy self. It's not a cure-all, but it sure helped.
So, now that I know this, I'm not sure what it means going forward. But it's a good thing to have figured out
Fast,Worst,Last Post For This Month,Palpable Though Stupid One
I just got my immediate thought of penning down my opinions , after my long assurance on "How does my death look like?".
As my name means "happy", I always want to see myself in a smiling face.This is not exceptional in the case of my death.I bet payload of readers may frown at my weird idea as it is miraculous .Let the cause be anything for my death;be accident;im strangled;suicide.
My world will be as clean as ever,
My body i s as light as ever (Though its my stupidity to assume as like)
cotton buds in my nose gets the feel to my soul that i no more breathe stale air of seasoned world.My legs are tied because there is no more painful journeys.Garlands around my neck makes my soul feel as asshole body enjoying the blossom for the final time but,the pester my soul will ever have is loosing THE LOVE of my love.
The worst part is my nonexistence with my LOVE for the last festival .
As my name means "happy", I always want to see myself in a smiling face.This is not exceptional in the case of my death.I bet payload of readers may frown at my weird idea as it is miraculous .Let the cause be anything for my death;be accident;im strangled;suicide.
My world will be as clean as ever,
My body i s as light as ever (Though its my stupidity to assume as like)
cotton buds in my nose gets the feel to my soul that i no more breathe stale air of seasoned world.My legs are tied because there is no more painful journeys.Garlands around my neck makes my soul feel as asshole body enjoying the blossom for the final time but,the pester my soul will ever have is loosing THE LOVE of my love.
The worst part is my nonexistence with my LOVE for the last festival .
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I'M NOT GREED by Santhosh Sagar N is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 India License.
Based on a work at www.poorboy1.blogspot.com.