Lately I've been thinking about how often we change during our lifetimes. Think about it, we are transforming all the time; each day, we're a little different than we were the day before. Our thoughts shift, as do our personalities, feelings, ideas, our outlook on situations, etc. We grow physically too, cells die and then are re-born, and though the changes take place slowly and it may take a number of years to discern real differences, our looks inevitably alter also.
Surely you're not the same person you were 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago. With each life experience, both good and bad, we grow a bit, propel forward, and thus the lenses through which we view the world also evolve. Since we are constantly transitioning and developing, it makes sense that we don't always notice the changes. Often times we sit back and wonder, "How did I get here? How did I become this person?" And then there are other times when we
are aware; the shifts can shake us like earthquakes, and the aftershocks rattle us long after. These are the moments when the transformations are swift and dramatic, rather than slow and subtle.
Though the process of growth, and casting off unfitting identities, is healthy (we cannot move forward while clinging tightly to that which holds us back), the transition can still feel painful and confusing nonetheless. For a time, we're free falling, swinging between who we once were and who we will become. We feel a sense of loss for our old self and beliefs. We must mourn, even though ultimately the loss will prove beneficial for us, then move ahead with our lives knowing, and accepting, that we will continue to metamorphose forever.
I bring this up because lately I have been feeling the tremors produced by change. The shift is happening much too quickly to go unnoticed, and it's hard not to feel uncertain. As I know all humans do, I've gone through many different incarnations of myself, from the time I was born, up until this very day, and while I do believe I am "me" at the core, I'm not sure what the real link is between the person I once was, who I am now, and the person I am becoming.
Who are we really, if we are always shifting and changing? Do we make up scripts for ourselves based on older (and possibly outdated) beliefs we once held about what we thought we wanted and who we assumed we were? What happens when we grow again, which we are always doing, and our ideals and ideas change? What happens when our own visions for our futures shift greatly? Do we take the risk, and leap, going for something we never imagined we would, or do we stick with the script -- the safe and familiar comfort zone we've created?
How can we know when we're satisfied with our choices, and our lives, when our characters are always changing? How can we confidently make decisions? Or, does there come a time when we just have to make the choice, and stick with it, even if we're scared? Because that's what being a grown-up entails?
I think right now because I'm a little unsure of my future on a variety of counts, my shift of self feels more profound. I do have choices, and I'm not sure which are the best for me -- for the me I am today, or the me I will grow into. Maybe the answer is in knowing we can always change our minds? We always have the option of finding a better suiting selection.
Or, maybe I just need to go with the flow and make choices based on what feels best for me today, and deal tomorrow with whatever comes my way then.
