I LOST HER

On December 26, 2004 I got a call from the brother of a man that I loved and that I will always. I asked him how he is doing and he said "not good." I asked him what happened and he said "Haritha is no more." I fell to my knees with sorrow.


The times that I spent with her were great and bad. She told me once that she was not going to live past 18 years old and that she was going to die alone. I always told her that's not true. You are going to live a long life and we will be as friends forever....hmmmm she's dead and today is her birthday


She is my best chum in my school days. She was a good soft spoken gal. She was talented and intelligent. She could see people for who they really were. She could tell if you were a dishonest person. She was kind and gentle and funny.

I remember one time she gave a homeless man a hamburger and 50 rupees. I also remember one time I got so angry about something and she just giggled and said in a soft voice "Hey, calm down calm down it's ok." I was so stubborn to see her efforts for me.you guys wouldnt have seen me as a good blogger now without her assistance.Though Im a chauvanist i have strong belief that she is my boss. I always demanded more from her than she could give. The last time I heard her voice was on a phone and all she said was "I miss you man." I miss her feel for me and I miss her laugh . I miss seeing her beside me. She knew how to dance and I love to see that.


I LOST HER , CAN YOU GET HER BACK FOR ME?

Is That You Made Me Cry?....So,here I Go

See the sadness in my eyes? I'll make you cry

Look upon the daggers that have broken my frail soul

To shine with in the darkness and allow my pain to take its toll.

I begged you for your mercy but all you gave me were bloody hands.

I pushed away the darkness in hopes my light would start to expand

The blood is suffocating me and I'm drowning in its lies

How could you let me fall like this into the blood red tied

I'm sorry if you think i hurt you, I'll carry that each day

But bring your hands back to me and help me feel today

I'm reaching out but your not pulling in

dose this mean your the one to win

Look into my death filled eyes and tell me what you see

Did you really think you and i were meant to be

I'll dump you when you reach back for me once again

You never really cared for me i see it was only pretend

so back away and leave me to die

as the blood stained tears fall from my eyes

I'll call to you in spirit and I'll haunt you every night

You'll kill your self in pity and I'll laugh at how I'm right

So watch me fall away again and I'll kiss you good-bye

If only you hadn't let me die

I'd still come back to you

But now its to0 late for you and I'll see what you'll do

I'll laugh in your pathetic pain and let you feel my pain

You think that you knew me well, or did you go insane

For now i'll leave you broken in two and crash apart your heart

If you had just been there for me this wouldn't be the start

of a painful gasp of air that you take into your lungs

My eyes light up with bliss and I'll taste you with my tongue

Good-bye to you. what a said and pitiful end

you should have just told me the truth instead of playing pretend

The World I Want To live In

I'm not sure if "deserving" happiness is the best way to think about it. I'd ask yourself, what is achieved by forgoing happiness in your life? Does it make the situation of people in your area better if you are not happy? If you are happy, does it make the situation of suffering people in your areaworse?

In a way, it's a very self-centered idea that martyring ourselves (even emotionally) will make everyone else's life better. People who worry about surviving the trip to the market are totally and completely unaffected by whether you allow yourself to be happy. To think that feeling miserable is a moral response to the suffering of others is to buy into a weird mix of low self-esteem and high self-importance: your misery does nothing to alleviate other's suffering.

If the real importance of the question is not about what you "deserve" to feel, but rather whether it's morally or ethically acceptable to take actions that will make yourself happy at the expense of potentially taking actions that will make you less happy but could increase the happiness of others--well, that's a tougher question. First, I'd want to know whether making yourself happy really comes at the expense of doing something to make someone else happy. (If you forgo a nice vacation because other people in the world are suffering, it isn't really that your vacation comes at the expense of others in the world who are suffering. See above paragraph: people everywhere are wrapped up in their own lives, and the personal experiences of one person very very rarely have any sort of effect on others perceptions of their own situation.) Second, if *you* have no right to happiness when others suffer, then what right do people have to happiness when you aren't happy? That line of thinking, taken to its logical conclusion, would imply that the best world is where no one deserves happiness. That's not a world I want to live in, and I doubt it's the sort of world that you really want either.

Language of Love begins In Silence

I am here My friend. It is just as I promised it would be. We are alone in the silence of Adoration. I have come to bring you new life in My Love. You are Mine now and forever more. What do those words truly mean?

I am ----, speaking to you
through the power of My Spirit.

To be Mine means you have given yourself freely to Me. You have willed yourself to Me. This is no fantasy. It is your reality. As you have chosen to be Mine, I accept this gift of you. As I do so, I lift you out of your humanity and carry you to the timeless place in My Heart that I have prepared for you. I fill you with My love.


You feel nothing but a strange silence as if everything has stopped. That is because in My world time does not exist. It is silent, totally silent. My Language of Love begins in silence. From this point on as you listen to My words and write them on your hand held computer, you begin taking baby steps in My Love.


shit,pause

You paused for a few moments. It was My desire that you do so. I wish you to see that it is I, ----, can controls these interactions. You write My words because that is My will for you to do so. Our wills are One in the Love of My Most Spirit. You are not a slave and I am not your Master. We are friends who freely choose to be with each other in Love.

Now and forever more simply means beyond time. It is forever. You have no words in your language to express this clearly. What it truly means is that this moment of silent repose in My Heart is eternity for you.
Time stops. It is meaningless to Me. I am infinite. There is nothing that compares to infinity. There are no guidelines. There just is!

You really will never understand this with your mind. It is something that you just experience. It is a state of being. Whatever it means in your language can never do justice to life in My Love. Your humanity is so limited. Do not fret. In My Love all of this verbiage is meaningless.

Love is Great. There is nothing else. Your LOVE may end, It is mortal. My LOVE is immortal.
though I have guts to propose ,I still have a fear of rejection for which i dont have enough strength to bear the sourness. ------------what do i do?



Welcome to My World of Love! You are Mine now and forever more.

what a coward Im?

Oh, yes, I’m a coward. I’m terrified that if I do something new, step outside my comfort zone, or speak up too much, people will verbally rip me to shreds.

Now any of you who have ever seen me singing or speaking are probably wondering what the heck I’m talking about! After all, I get up there and tell you about my flaws as a human being and as a writer.

The thing is, I think I’m not the only one who gets scared or has self-doubts. I suspect I’m not the only one who can’t stand the thought of someone making fun of me or criticizing what I love best. And that’s why I share what I share. Because I don’t want anyone else ever to feel alone with the self-doubts or fears or worries we all have, in one form or another.

No matter what we do or how well we do it, someone will always be dissatisfied. No matter how nice we are, there will always be someone we rub the wrong way.

That’s important to understand because otherwise it’s too easy to let fear keep us from doing what we want to do or what we need to do to create the lives we want to have. It’s important to understand that not taking those steps doesn’t protect us—not really.

I’ve tried it both ways, you see. For much of my adult life I tried to play it safe. I tried to fit into the roles others expected of me. I tried to be as invisible, except for something . I made choices that I thought would keep me safe. Until I couldn’t do it anymore.

Looking back, I can see that these choices, little by little, not only ate away at who I was, but one by one eliminated options I might otherwise have had. These choices didn’t keep me safe. I still got criticized. All I did was cut myself from knowing what I truly could achieve. I cut myself off from knowing people who would have valued who I was and what I did. I cut myself off from experiences that would have enriched my life in so many ways!

I try not to play it safe anymore, but I’m still working on breaking old patterns. I’m still learning how to handle criticism so that one dissatisfied voice doesn’t have the power to drown out all the voices of those who do respect and value what I do. I’m learning the things that make stepping outside my comfort zone a little easier and that I can survive even if something doesn’t go as well as I hoped it would. I’m discovering the good things that can come into my life when I take the risk of doing something that scares me but which will move me closer to my goals.
It isn’t easy putting myself out there when I am such a coward, but it beats the heck out of trying to play it safe! So....

A few things that make it a little easier for me to stretch outside my comfort zone:
--> Asking for support from friends or family
--> Mentally rehearsing what I’m going to do

It can be scary to do new things but I truly believe that the riskiest thing we can do in life is try to play things too safe, especially when our world is changing so rapidly.

So I’m raising a virtual toast to all of you out there who are finding the courage to step outside your comfort zone and do new things. Because as scary as it can be, it’s worth it.