DeStInAtIoN...

I had a dream a very long time ago that this would happen.I cant explain the exact details, but something tells me that this was all known, and meant to be.I remember vaguely where I was, and how unexpected the whole scene was. No one knew what to say, but I was incredibly happy. It didn't matter to me that others would be shocked or surprised at what they found out to be my destiny. They soon realize they had to accept it as reality.

The world doesn't always turn and work the way we imagine it to be when we are young. Almost every one of you can look back on the past five years and never expect that anything you thought at the time, would turn out completely different. All of our decisions and delusions change based on the way the world moves us. We can never, ever predict it- or control it entirely. The small choices we make each day turn into the status of your life- right now. Is the divine really involved. Who really knows anyway,Faith.

My head has a numbing feeling inside it, that will not shake with rest. Its the brink of intensity. The feeling you get when you know your mind has had just about enough. At some point, it will come crashing down. Into you... or into someone else. In their arms, or via technology. What would we do without our individual and unique coping mechanisms? I'm sure we can all learn from each other. No one can do it all alone.

In the movie, INTO THE WILD, the hero realizes in the end- Happiness is not real until it is shared.Whatever mine or your circumstance, I hope there will always be people in your life that will be happy for you, and with you.

TrAnSpIrE

When your heart is heavy. the material doesnt matter.
the metaphysical takes over. the spirit world manifests in reality.
when your heart is so full of love that you dont know where to turn, or what to do with it. -when your mind is so consumed. you become like a drone in the rest of the worlds mundane movements.
when you would do anything to satisfy the needs, or heal the pain, or comfort a soul, when loving becomes more than you can handle. when emotional strife is an understatement. when longing becomes sleeplessness, when feeling becomes too hard... too much...
we move.slowly.
we ignore. we exist, we try to subsist. frivolities , meaninglessness. sleeplessness.
it will haunt you. dont ignore, give it a face. look in the mirror- who do I want to be? Give in.
too many times we are distracted. too often we forget the purpose., the consequences. each little step today, makes a huge mark tomorrow. one month . one year. 20 years.
Just ask yourself.
make noise, commotion if need be. have people talking. this is your life. your love. your passion.

Students Life....?

is there anyhting like a "student life".LoL i still cant digest the mistake made by mates in ECS class and added, i wonder the stupidity ofthe faculty dealing it.I was in obnubilation when my turn came:"What's there to view on a wrong topic" i said this to myself and went on to the dias,I was there exactly for 45 seconds on the dias where i dint mind what iam?.Thee is an other word 'influence' adding to the mistake in the title

SO here i go ,the title of the topic"The Student Life is Influenced by:Parents?,friends?,teachers?"
The views shared by mates ar not bad at the same wayi cant agree with the topic they are rolling on!!.

Life:the roller coaster between the birth and death.Yeah!,Thers only one life for a man thats too easy to partition .It includes childhood,teenage,adult,senior citizen combinely called as Life.During this proces of living You are a STUDENT thorugh out your Life:YOu learn to eat,drink,walk,run and everything. its all the factor of learn ...learn... learn...so it is little goosy and completely flawed aspect.Its our adaptivity to refer a person who's in school, Kollege and university as student but don't you think it is wrong to extremity.

The persons of age from 1-15 is preliminary learners and after that the kollege Goers and then lively hood earners.

this is the fact...got it folks?

Closer to Fine

So first,lemme tell you why i started blogging again..

I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life after all...

I can’t really say more than that. That’s what I’ve gotten – tons of insight, advice, ways to take life less seriously. I’ve made some great friends – people I may or may not ever see, but people who I’ve gotten to know through words and things we’ve all published. Similar experiences that bonded us and showed me that I wasn’t alone in some of the stuff I was going through.

I’ll miss being here – laughing at things that could only happen to Naveen; finding out that if everyone has a clone in the world, mine is probably .....; marveling at Shadiq's adventures from a previous life; Indhu's openness and deep caring for people; the incredibly odd and yet laugh out loud HI-larity of Arun and Munna; the tugging attitude and totally kind heart of Jenn; Stinky naughty Manoj(IT Poriki) and lotta (kinda i cant mention the names always),Anyway.

I’ve had some real life adventures with some of you – from beers and all the book recommendations that we’ve shared as fellow word nerds and chatting about nothing and everything.

So after a little time of sharing (and probably oversharing), it’s time to let go. I let go off the present work im in which I hate and more time on my hands than I knew what to do with career I love. I've seen the losers aswell the achievers,the helpers aswell the eschews of the persons who i care.i I have this as an outlet now(lol).

After this final year of Education!!!! ?,I might be back, I might not. I might be around the blogiverse, I might not. You guys know how to find me if you want to – so if you want to, well, I hope you do.

In the meantime, thanks for everything, and most of all, thanks for being with me. Thanks for bringing me closer to fine.

?.............?

When I try my best I dont succeed
When i get what i want but not what i need
When I feel so tired but i can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down my face
When i lose something i can't replace
When i love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide me home
And ignite my bones
And can Yo l try to fix me ?

And high up above or down below
When Im too in love to let it go
But if I never try I never know
Just what my worth.

WoRkInG FoR It

Here's a semi-related follow up question:

I understand that a relationship takes work. It's not always going to be about "happiness". Love is deeper, takes commitment, compromise etc. In other words, sometimes you're going to be miserable, but you have to trust that you made the right long-term decision that this person was worth it, and struggle through.

But to what extent is that true in the beginning of a relationship? Obviously you shouldn't commit to a relationship with somebody who makes you miserable, even sometimes. But on the other hand, you can't expect to be in love with the person right off the bat either. In the beginning, it's much more shallow, so I think it's legitimate to ask how "happy" you are to be around this person.

Here's the scenario: I met a guy last night I really like. Have liked him for years. And I think, in the long term, we'd be quite compatible. He's somebody I could potentially see being worth it to struggle through some hard times with.

However, in the short term, I have already ceased to feel that giddy happiness to be around him all the time. In some cases, I'd even rather hang out with one friend or another than with him. And that concerns me. If somebody is the right one for a relationship, shouldn't I still be in that ecstatic crush stage? I definitely was, with him, when I met him years ago. And then I was, again, when we re-united about 2 years ago. I still liked him and wanted to pursue him even after it wore off. I still like him and want to pursue him now. But sometimes I find myself thinking "Meh, I'm going to pretend I had a prior commitment so I can hang out with X friend instead."

So, have I reached the "compromise" stage too early? Am I asking myself to WORK for a relationship earlier than I should? Shouldn't it still be natural and easy at this point? Or is it legitimate to have friends that make me "happier" on a shallow, short term basis, and still work for a relationship with somebody else? Or maybe is it that I'm kidding myself, and despite having patiently pursued him for 3 years, I don't really like him that much?

Lost in Life...?

A fading hope and a broken dream

Is all there is for me

It's all there was and will ever be

And I keep falling further down

I lost in this life, yeah it's I

I've been living a lie

Time keeps passing me by, but i can't deny

I've been lost all the time

There's no way to cope for these wasted years

Nor for these long lost tears

I'm giving in to all my fears

As I keep falling further down

TeRmInAtOr AgAiN.....

I saw a screening of Terminator: Salvation today. My friends anvesh and naveen were able to get tickets and join me, which was nice. I arrived at the theater at 3:50 for the 7:00 start time, and was 89th in line in Mayajal multiplex.
Now for the movie: I really liked it! I had just a few misgivings going in, as I wasn't really a fan of Terminator 3; I think it had lost its way after the second movie. I also couldn't get into the TV series , although my friend aarunya likes it so much, I'll probably check out the Blu-Ray's and see if I like it better.
This movie is set completely in the year 2018. No time travel, although there are the expected references to John Connor prophecy and a glimpse of the famous photograph of Sarah Connor when played by Linda Hamilton. In this movie, as I'm sure you're aware by now, John Connor is played by Batman himself, Christian Bale. I thought he did an excellent job. When this movie takes place, John is the leader of his cell in the Resistance against the Machines, although he has to take orders from the head honcho, General Ashdown, played by a personal favorite of mine, Michael Ironside.
His father, who, through the wonders of time travel is much younger than John, is played by Anton Yelchin, who also was just seen as Pavel Chekov in Star Trek. His character, Kyle Reese, is hoping to join the actual Resistance, but for now, just leads his two-person team in defending Los Angeles. That is, until he meets Marcus Wright (well!!.i dont remember his actual name), a stranger who shows up and starts kicking machine .
The lighting of the movie made everything look very bleak and desolate and lent itself nicely to the machine oppression of the humans. A couple of surprises near the end were very cool.

My SoUl

Stars are shinning in your eyes

And I begin to realise

That our path through times unbroken

Do you know what it's like

When a mirror never lies

And the truth remands unspoken

And we dance into the fire

'Cause our spirits take us higher

Do you feel me now

Burning like a flame

If you touch me

I may disappear

Floating through your eyes

How do we resist

The gravity of love

In the symphony of life

There's a place I've never been

Where there's angels gathering

and they talk about the future

When the simple things in life

Can do more to satisfy

Let the wisdom be my teacher

You can have all that you desire

But it may not take you higher

Do you feel me now

I HaTe ......MySeLf

hate my body, I hate my life, I hate my career, I have no will power, I’m awful, I’m a bad person, I can’t keep a promise, I suck at life, how did I get here, why can’t I stop, why can’t I do what I should do, why do I keep failing. Have you ever said that to yourself? Have you ever hated yourself? I have. It was a hobby of mine, finding all the ways in which I’m bad. Looking at all the things I’ve failed at. Going over in detail all the stupid memories of all the times I have ever failed. Trying to think of things I could have done differently and then beating myself up for not doing them back then. I blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong with my life and I hated myself for it. I was 50% right.

I am responsible for everything that happens in my life. Note that I am not saying I am to BLAME for everything that happens in my life, only that I am responsible for it. Blame means that it’s my fault, that I did something wrong but there are many things that can happen to me that are not my fault. There are many things that i am not in control of. However, even if I am not to blame, I am still responsible. It is my life, my responsibility. I may not have caused the issue but it’s in my life and I am now responsible for my actions. That’s the difference between blame and responsibility. Blame is focused on the past, it’s trying to find someone to accuse. Responsibility is focused on the future, it’s trying to find way to solve the issue. So my first lesson was all about responsibility.
I needed to take responsibility for my life and stop taking blame. That was an eye opening experience even though the change is subtle. Rather than telling myself “How could you have let this happen?” I was telling myself “How am I going to deal with this now that it happened?” Note that I am not trying to shift blame. I am not trying to say that someone else is responsible. In fact, I took responsibility for more things than I would blame myself for. In the past I would tend to blame others for many of the things that happened to me. That stopped. Instead, I took responsibility for everything in my life. It was all my responsibility and I was the in charge of changing it if I really cared about it.

The next thing I needed to learn was how to love and accept rather than hate and reject myself. Let’s use my body as an example. I hated myself for the way I looked. I was fat and out of shape. I had never met a food I didn’t like and I couldn’t control my impulse to keep eating. I blamed myself, I blamed my environment and I blamed my friends and family. I also hated myself for it and disliked how out of control I was. However, as I slowly started to shift from blame to responsibility, I also started shifting from hate to love. I didn’t hate myself any longer and wanted to lose weight because of it. I loved myself and I wanted to lose weight because of it. Becoming healthier became an expressions of how much I loved myself and wanted to improve rather than how much I hated myself and want to change.

I found myself in a similar situation recently, after my fight on a stupid issue with my friend. For those of you who have never been through such an experience, I highly recommend avoiding it. I lost friend I love and I hated myself for it. I blamed everyone and everything and I hated who I was and what I had become. It was hard to change from that but I slowly started to make the same distinctions I had before. Yes, I had lost her, but rather than blaming myself, her, my friends, my family or anyone else involved, I took responsibility and determined to change what my life had become. I couldn’t get her back, so can i find a new one of same way i want(ironical ,right?).Rather than hating myself for what I had done and consider myself a hopeless loser undeserving of love, I began to love myself again. Rather than vowing to change because I hated myself, I started thinking of change as an act of love, a way of making myself happier, rather than making myself less lonely. It’s a subtle difference but one that has a lot of impact.
Think about this for a second. What motivates you more? “I want to do this because I hate the current situation” or “I want to do this because I love myself and this will make me happy.” For me, the second choice is much better. It motivates me. It allows me to see a better future and that gives me hope. It shows me who I could be rather than who I don’t want to be. It gives me a glimpse into how wonderful my life could be rather than fixating me on the bad aspects of my life right now.

I know that hate sounds like good motivation but it really isn’t. Hate doesn’t drive you towards what makes you happy, it just drives you away from the thing you hate. That might work, sometimes, but it’s much better to focus on the origin rather than the cause. Hate also puts a lot of stress on you and your emotions. You cannot really be happy while you hate yourself. You cannot achieve happiness when all you focus on is the hate. At some point, you need to let go of that or, better yet, turn it into love. Start appreciating yourself for who you are and for who you can be.

I don't know. This is already too long and I'm hurting my head.

ThE FaMe Of WhAt Is BaD?

As a freshman in school conformity was highly important. At the time I was unaware that I was conforming to peer pressure, I was sure that I was just doing what I wanted to do. The music I listened to, the clothes I chose to wear, those were my choices. Today, of course, I know that I was simply fitting in, being part of the group, seeking acceptance.

There were four couples in the crowd I ran with. We were all steadies. haritha, Indhu ,naveen and I would not have been caught at school wearing anything but Levi's. The most important feature of the Levi's was the roll on the leg. It took a long time to roll each leg in a very tiny fold. You had to have your shirt collar turned up and never would we have forgotten to roll our short sleeves up-very carefully.

Another rage was polished cotton slacks. Particularly, black in color with a tiny belt at the center of the back. (What was that for?) And v-neck sweaters were quite popular.

Indhu, Haritha and glory conformed with mid-calf skirts with lots of petty coats. Saddle oxfords and heavy white bobby socks completed their attire

The six of us had a lot of fun together that year. If there wasn't an event to attend or a holiday in the month (January is a real drag), we created a special occasion so that we could have a party. Most of the parties took place at haritha's flat--she was my steady girl. For these parties we had matching outfits. They boys wore their black polished slacks with white shirts under our red v-neck sweaters. The girls dressed identically with the exception of their black polished cotton skirts.

We conformed, but we said it was "our idea." We had a lot of fun. After our freshman year we went our separate ways. But in our junior year and again as senior we all went to the Prom together. We stayed until midnight our junior year. We had heard that a new restaurant in adyar was open very late and was serving Italian food. Some in the group had heard that they had pizza. I did not even know what pizza was. Was it delicious that first time I had it! That mozzarella cheese was strange. I'd never tasted it before.

We left the prom early our senior year and i went my way to schooling in chittoor. It was a cold night with fog covering ans it was quite impossible to ask the driver to handle the car. With six of us packed in my parent's 56 Mercury it soon became impossible to view the movie. It didn't matter, there was lost of joking and laughter. I believe we all understood that this was the last time we would be together. It was our final opportunity to recall the incidants, the good times, the learning together. We would someday reflect on cold play music, on Rick Nelson's and the innocence of his youth.

The tragic direction that their lives would take and their deaths were unknown to us at that time.You knoe who?

Conformists? Yes we were(not to put pseud folks!!). Why? We learn to conform in order to protect ourselves. To stand with your own opinion can be a frightening thing-downright dangerous at times. In a positive sense, we must conform in order to accomplish things for the good of all. There's nothing wrong in that. It is necessary. Therefore, peer pressure is good for it teaches us to become discerning individuals. It sharpens our skills in discrimination. We become better at evaluating situations. We lean to make decisions. So from a positive viewpoint peer pressure in school should have a beneficial outcome.

For some, however, those who fail to see its benefits, it has negative consequences. They become sheep, they learn to simply follow the crowd(no exception in my case for choosing the gtaduate course). They become afraid to act on their own. They become afraid of having any opinion except that expressed by others. They have failed to understand that those things which we did like everyone else in school, were not always the best things to do, that the other person does not always have the right opinion.

Recently while reading I came across a passage that reminded me of the importance of drawing conclusions from my experiences, of the importance of deciding what I should thing and do based upon my decisions-decisions made after I carefully discerned all the information. In Arthur Schopenhauer's second volume of The World as Will and Representation he meant that

Ordinary minds show, even in the smallest affairs, a want of confidence in their own judgment, just because they know from experience that it is of no use to them. With them prejudice and following the judgment of others take its place. In this way they are kept in a state of permanent nonage (immaturity), from which scarcely one in many hundreds is free from bondage. Naturally this is not acknowledged, for even to themselves they seem to judge; yet all the time they are casting glance(hidden motives) at the opinion of others,

As adults we must put aside our childish ways. We must evaluate the statements of others. We must become discerning individuals. we shld follow "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

hmmm....sorry if you felt bored and bemused

DiMnIsHiNg....

Ascending I look down upon the lucid dream I leave behind the division of thought that evolved two suns echoing throughout all world fragments of life.

Separation of being from flesh I transcend back to thought.

The origin of all, Subconsciousness...

Ancient memories Re-emerge

To be lost again, to discover that I am Self

To see behind the shadows of illusion from within the earths.

I touch the heavens reflecting opposite thought

They speak to me, words of vast illusions, the inner and outer worlds, all mirroring creation

Containing all in existence, infinite worlds of relative energies

Intricate balance of oppositions, repeating patterns of complex detail

And self variation

Infinitely

And I am the essence

Engulfed in the light

Universe through unity, all memories diminished.

A QuIvEr FuLl oF aRrOwS

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. True. But very few people realize that prolonged absence actually kills love. Love never dies a natural death. It diesof betrayals, neglect and of course isolation. But let me reiterate what absence really means. In my opinion it is merely not the lack of physical manifestation but rather the essence or substance. It likes being there but not really being there. It’s like saying things that you don’t actually mean. It’s like being with the person just for the heck of it without really meaning to be with that person. It’s like saying I love you to somebody and yet never failing to do hurtful things to that person. And that sucks.

With

regards to indhu, I find nourishment at the mere sight of her. But these days,somehow, it’s not just quite enough. I don’t understand why i talk toher 30 minutes for each day, I don’t understand why she needs to have a curfew, I don’t understand why we can only share the views at particular means of time,message counter never tallies with the actual registered sent and received messages. Something’s wrong here and I don’t have to be a freakin’ rocket scientist to know that. The bottom line is I just want to know "what's wrong with her!!,Is early marriage panics her?.still',i dont understand her tears.

I can’t help but wonder that maybe I’m the only one who’s in deep love in this relationship.Maybe she doesn’t really show his problem Or maybe she’s feeling t that she has grown tired of me and that she wants out and I’m just being stubborn to realize it. It grieves me to be so near and yet so far from you gal!!. Every moment you are that way is like an arrow through my weary heart. And it’s a quiver full of arrow. Stop the hell and try to ease me