Steps

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
-Confucius

Okay. Fair enough. But what if you just don't know in which direction you're supposed to take that initial stride?

Do you ever feel like you're not living at your greatest potential? Like you're not really being challenged, or rather, that you're no longer challenging yourself? You've grown complacent and you know you need to shake things up, but aren't totally sure what elements need shaking?

But over the past few months, something terrible has happened: I got comfortable. Once uncharted, bumpy terrain has since become smoothed over and well mapped out. This isn't so terrible - in fact, it's quite nice to figure out your way, and travel down the path in peace. But what happens when you no longer feel like traveling? You're bored with the trail and need new scenery and adventures to inspire you?

I'm ready for a change. I just don't know what it is. Is it a total overhaul of career? Lifestyle? Or something more minor like taking up a new creative hobby or spending more time with friends?

I watch others around me accomplishing, completing, working towards and becoming. And I wonder, why am I not doing the same? For a time I was truly on fire. I was being assigned more work than I could handle, breaking into magazines that as a child I dreamed of one day writing for, excelling at dance and finding pleasure in activities like cricket and City exploring. But right at this moment, I feel I've lost it. I'm not exactly sure what 'it' is, or where it could have gone. All I know is that 'it's' not here. And I miss 'it'.

While I realize we can't operate at a level of 100 percent potential all the time - hello, burnout - I am the type of person who is happiest when she is achieving. Learning new things. Going beyond her limits and proving to herself, and all those around her, that she's capable of so much more than people (self included) give her credit for. I can look into my future and see the woman I want to become...but I'm not sure how to get there; how to grow into her. And though I've traveled daunting, weary paths before, this one feels wholly intimidating. Perhaps that's why I've yet to set foot on the trail and take that first, single step?

There are so many things I want to do, but not sure how to begin - all it takes is one step. One single step. How can I remember this and believe it; act on it?

Maybe I could begin with any of these: I want to relate with others. Maybe even spend a month abroad somewhere living, absorbing new cultures and human interactions. I want to find a rustic hideaway in this noisy, swarming city where I can take refuge and recharge. I want to regain the endurance and perseverence that characterized the early stages of mine. I need to sit by an ocean and feel the rumbling waves. I want to dig my toes deep into the sand and feel its granules slough away my deadened skin; wear away my despondency. I want to rockclimb and hike. I want to bask in the Earth's natural beauty. I want to jog 10 miles, just to prove to myself I can do it. I want to learn to cook. Take up yoga and delve back into spirituality. Build bonds with other like-minded people. Spend some time in the desert with nothing but my computer and write, write, write - even if it's shit, I just need to creatively express. I need to listen to my needs and fulfill them.