Emotion Management

Sometimes I fall “in it”. I can’t always identify what catapults me into a state of total and utter “worthy of an Ont” drama- distress, but once I’m there, I feel trapped. I do everything I know how to help myself flee and emerge, unscathed, from the dark and narrow confines of dejection, but at times it feels impossible.

Cognitively I know that the ball lies in my court – it is up to me to change my mind (and thus, my attitude), and regain my sense of calm and composure, but I have never been someone who is at a loss for emotions. And as sensitive and full as sentiment as I’ve always been, I’ve also never known how to control them. There are times I feel like my emotions own me. They start small, like tiny flickers in the depths of my gut brought on by nothing more than someone’s meaningless comment, but my thoughts give them fuel and before I know it the sparks have ignited into full-blown fiery flames, rising upward and rolling through my every cell and limb.

While oftentimes I do misconstrue words and circumstances meant to be harmless, my feelings are quick to tremble and ache. I have been accused, more than a million times, of being too sensitive. “Grow a backbone,” they’ve always said, “You can’t take everything so personally.”

And so I try, but some things are easier said than done. One minute I am basking in life’s bliss, and the next I am tearing up over the hardship of humanity. Is this normal? I don’t know…probably not. Would I be more tranquil if I didn’t feel so much all the time? Probably, yes. But, while at times my deep sensitivity, empathy and emotional aptitude are my greatest downfalls, they are also my best assets. Because of them, I feel everything deeply.

I am affected by the beauty I see in everyone and everything. I am in touch with my inner self all of the time, and I can usually sense the true sentiments of others without them ever having to express them to me. I pick up on energy and feelings the way puppies pick up on scent. Most significantly, however, my emotions allow me to connect with others on deeper, more meaningful levels. And I have to believe this deepens and strengthens my writing too. For all of that, I am grateful.

So while there may be times sentiment wholly overcomes and overwhelms me, for the most part I wouldn’t give up this part of myself for anything. I only hope, as time goes on, I grow more skilled at managing it.