Beep...

i dunno ,im feeling little happy coz i have a reason.but really hard to come out once again:inspite of recent events .now Ive decided to reconcile about some issues that seems to be fragile

I've Learned

I've learned-

that you cannot make someone love you.

All you can do is be someone who can be loved.

The rest is up to them.

I've learned-

that no matter how much I care,

some people just don't care back.

I've learned-

that it takes years to build up trust,

and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned-

that it's not what you have in your life

but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned-

that you can get by on charm for about

fifteen minutes.

After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned-

that you shouldn't compare

yourself to the best others can do.

I've learned-

that you can do something in an instant

that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned-

that it's taking me a long time

to become the person I want to be.

I've learned-

that you should always leave loved ones

with loving words. It may be the last

time you see them.

I've learned-

that you can keep going

long after you can't.

I've learned-

that we are responsible for what we do,

no matter how we feel.

I've learned-

that either you control your attitude

or it controls you.

I've learned-

that regardless of how hot and steamy

a relationship is at first, the passion fades

and there had better be something else to take

its place.

I've learned-

that heroes are the people

who do what has to be done

when it needs to be done,

regardless of the consequences.

I've learned-

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned-

that my best friend and I can do anything

or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned-

that sometimes the people you expect

to kick you when you're down

will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned-

that sometimes when I'm angry

I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me

the right to be cruel.

I've learned-

that true friendship continues to grow,

even over the longest distance.

Same goes for true love.

I've learned-

that just because someone doesn't love

you the way you want them to doesn't

mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned-

that maturity has more to do with

what types of experiences you've had

and what you've learned from them

and less to do with how many

birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned-

that you should never tell a child

their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.

Few things are more humiliating, and what

a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned-

that your family won't always be there for you.

It may seem funny, but people you aren't

related to can take care of you and love you

and teach you to trust people again. Families

aren't biological.

I've learned-

that no matter how good a friend is,

they're going to hurt you every once in a while

and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned-

that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by

others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive

yourself.

I've learned-

that no matter how bad your heart is broken

the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned-

that our background and circumstances

may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for who we

become.

I've learned-

that just because two people argue,

it doesn't mean they don't love each other

And just because they don't argue,

it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned-

that we don't have to change friends

if we understand that friends change.

I've learned-

that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a

secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned-

that two people can look at the exact same thing

and see something totally different.

I've learned-

that no matter how you try to protect your

children, they will eventually get hurt and

you will hurt in the process.

I've learned-

that your life can be changed in a matter of

hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned-

that even when you think you have no more

to give, when a friend cries out to you,

you will find the strength to help.

I've learned-

that credentials on the wall

do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned-

that the people you care about most in life

are taken from you too soon.

I've learned-

that it's hard to determine where to draw

the line between being nice and not hurting

people's feelings and standing up

for what you believe

For in my life,

I've learned-

that no matter how hard I tried to be perfect

just because people asked me to be

in the end it's my choice that counts

because it's my life and I'm the one who's living it

and that only God may judge me

U R................

Every heartache that you have, the way you rarely/barely throw a look at me, you feel so insecure, but honestly don't you know, all the stuff that makes you feel so bad, you gotta through it out the window, yeah

I gotta tell you, your beautiful to me
I gotta show you, that you were meant to be
Wonderful, can't you see?
Your beautiful to me

Take a look into the mirror,Is it all becoming clearer? It's so obvious, I believe if you tried, you would be surprised what you'd find, i wish you could see yourself through my eyes, yeah

I know that it hurts but I know what you are worth a picture of perfection I designed outta and you are ----,--------!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dreams are for Real

Blessed is the man who follows his dreams.
Who knows that life isn’t as bad as it seems.
The road to happiness is the one you're standing on.
If you follow your heart, it won't take long,
to find out what life is about.
The truth is what really counts.
There is a fine line we must walk,
it lies between a reason and a fault.
Who’s to blame...what’s your name?
Who, is the what inside your mind.
The window to your soul is what we find.
Left open; for fate to get inside,
or is it time to give destiny a try?
Whatever is will be;
To choose is accordingly;
What you will and what you won't do;
What have you done to get through?
How far will you go?
Do you really know?
Listen; pay close attention,
learn from your decisions.
Always read the fine print,
it might be worth the time spent.
Watch where you're going;
Not where you’ve been!
Starting from the beginning;
And not the very end.
Living is something we are born to do.
But when opportunity knocks, the choice
is up to you.
I believe that Dreams do come true;
If you live the life that you want to.

-------- -------- --------- With All My Heart

This poem is dedicated to ---------(expect who?[hahahaa])
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All of my life I've been waiting
For a love to come knocking.
Down on my knees I'm praying
That you'll never say you're leaving.

You can make my life complete,
You can bring the light in my eyes,
You can put carresses in my soul,
You can sprinkle joys in my heart.

You should always been there for me
With a love so pure and free
Giving it unselfishly,
Not asking for security.

Now ------, for you, I swear
With all my heart I really care
That my love is forever true
'Till the end of time, I'm in love with you.

Im Losing...but it Doesn't Mean I Cannot

Just because i'm losing

Does'nt mean i'm lost

does'nt mean ill stop

does'nt mean ill cross

just because i'm hurting

does'nt mean i'm hurt

does'nt mean i did'nt get what i deserved

No better and no worse

I just got lost

every river  that i tried to cross

every door i ever tried was locked

i'm just waiting ' til the shine wears off

You might be big fish in little pond

Doesnt mean that you have won

cause along may come a bigger one

and you'll be lost

every river that you tried to cross

ever gun you ever held went off

i'm just waiting till the firing stopped

i'm just waiting   till the shine wears off

Thoughts....................

Somehow I look forward to the depths of darkness.
I am what I am, in harvest or in bareness.
I cry, I sigh, I weep in this wordly wilderness,
I patiently await that total quietness.

Somehow it doesn't frighten me anytime it's welcome
I feel like a misfit in my human kingdom.
Soon it will bring solace, away from the multitude.
The only source of peace and tranquility is my solitude.

I look forward to the few hours of the night,
When only the stars in the heavens shine bright,
The feeling of dexterity in all its sincerity,
I do look forward to contemplate in all honesty.

When the world is asleep, I am at peace with myself,
With the constant flowing of thoughts I dwell.
Oh my heart yearns, and the body and mind soon learn
That getting in touch with your inner self, is a treat in itself.

We never seem to set aside time for that certain dwell,
It can be a calming effect, it can be a good spell.
It can gently place it's veil of sweet sadness over us.
Thoughts to ponder in this world of total madness.

Seeker of Silver Lining

There have been studies that show that we each have an emotional equilibrium - a generally standard, emotional state. Some of us tend to be more optimistic, upbeat and happy, while others hold more negative views. It's human nature. Some of us are glass half full kinda people, while others see their glasses as much less bounteous. These same studies point to the fact that after enduring something upsetting, as well as experiencing something joyful, we tend to find our way back to our set emotional medians. So positive, happy events seem to bolster the optimists' bright outlook, while the pessimists may say, "Better not get too excited. Life can't stay this good for long." Or something like that.

Im nut of reading others,  At first they seemed odd to me: How could a painful experience not shatter or depress a happy person? Why would they have an easier time dealing with it, and bouncing back to happiness faster than someone who isn't as quite as optimistic?

But then I started to examine my own recent, personal experiences, and it all became extremely clear to me. If you create the framework for how we view every thing that happens to us (or rather, everything that happens, period). It's all a viewpoint. Our viewpoint. We may see a world, even during the tougher times, that is doused in brilliant sunshine and goodness, or maybe our personal lenses offer an image of a darker Earth that more often than not feels hostile and inhospitable. The point is, how we view things, and deal with them, is all up to us.

It only makes sense that if we choose to look at the bright side of things, find the silver lining in even the most difficult of experiences, then that is exactly what we'll tend to experience: the silver lining. If we look for the good within the bad, and fixate on that, we won't waste as much energy and worry on "woe is me, life is so terrible," but rather, "Ok, this awful thing happened, but the pain won't last forever. What can I do to fix it, and get life back to good?" It helps us deal with the situation at hand, while at the same time keeping perspective and remaining hopeful.

On the other hand, I think that when we concentrate solely on the negative, we create more of it - more like, negative experiences. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - what we expect. So, without realizing it, we actually wind up looking for, and attracting more painful and bad circumstances (which, in the end, will allow us to say, "See? Life does suck!"). And what happens? Whether we've experienced something great or terrible, we wind up feeling pretty close to how we felt (optimistic or pessimistic) before the thing occurred.

Though I was never as aware of it before dealing with my friends death as I am now, in looking back at all the things, good and bad, that have been thrown my way over the last few years, I realize that I am generally an idealistic, happy person, and, as the study suggests, I am resilient and bounce back to that emotional state after trying events. I am not saying that I am always happy -- this couldn't be farther from the truth, and I've spent a lifetime attempting to expose and assert my true, authentic self, anger, sadness, and all (in fact, that's the point of this attempt or blog) -- but I do realize that life is tough enough as it is, and I'd rather concentrate on the good so as is not to make it any harder.

So, with my Friend's passing, while I have gone through (and continue to go through) the entire spectrum of emotions that happen with the process of grieving, I do my best to focus on the wonderful  boy, and  friend, that he was, how much he loved me (and unlike the physical body, love never dies, so I know his love is still with me) and all the valuable, meaningful lessons I learned from him. I am struggling now with some issues that have cropped up in the aftermath of his death, and I am worried about how these things will affect me , but I know I will work through it -- I have no other choice -- and though I'm scared right now, I will handle it, and grow smarter and stronger as a result. There are many tough life lessons I've yet to learn, in part because my dad was such a great caretaker, and I'm learning them now, hands-on, through these experiences -- that's the way I choose to view it all; that's the good that I see in this particular bad.

Decisions........

The world is spinning,

I don't seem to be winning.

Many decisions whirl around,

But not one answer is found.

Should I stay or should I go?

My own feelings are my foe.

I don't wanna lie,

But I can't decide

There is a line drawn in the sand,

It seems in a far away land.

These decisions will change my life.

This feels like a double edge knife.

My Soul Is My best Friend

There is a saying 'A friend in Need is a Friend Indeed...'

By God's grace I have so many such friends who prove this right...But then why I'm not able to count anyone of them as my Best Friend??(right in this place) May be because I feel they all demand my love and care...a kind of conditional friendship...I am a person who is much prone to mood swings. And because of that I have caused my friends to hate me at times..some have even ended friendship with me. But I still love those all who have left me. I still pray for them. I still care for them. May be they also do the same. It's just a misunderstanding that has broken our friendship. Whenever a friend leaves me and go, I feel I'm the worst person that has ever born in this world. I start blaming myself for my failure as a friend. In such situations, from nowhere, a voice start speaking to me, "Hey dear, why you crying when I'm with you? Why are you blaming yourself for everything? You are a great person. You simply know to love. The fault is with your friends, who start rating your love. Just look at me, dear. I have never left you even though you give me least love, care and at times you don't even remember me. But I trust in your love. Because I rarely get it from my other friends. I find you different. I love you." I suddenly recognized the voice. Its good part of my soul speaking to me. Why I'm simply getting worried that I am not able to count anyone as my Best Friend, when I (my soul) declared myself as Best Friend!!!!

Lean On ........

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me dear, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you would understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

A New Life

Sail away and lets be free,
Free as birds in the highest tree,
To a land with silver sand,
Waving palms, untouched by hand.

Hold the tiller, set our course,
To a new life, without remorse.
Over a moon induced, friendless sea,
No dangerous currents between you and me.

Let the strongest wind fill our sails,
And save our souls from treacherous gales.
Let the waves be kind not rough,
And lap our bow gently enough.

Let the clouds move through the skies,
As the gliding birds emit their cries.
Through friendly waters and a lot of fuss,
The playful pets, gently guide us.

Torrents of rain, sweep over our craft,
As gods hand pushes from a raft.
The gentle sway becomes a roll,
Frightening our lives to the very soul.

The storm abated, our course reset,
No time to worry or regret.
Our decision to find a life a new,
Away from friends good and true?

Dream.....

The world shifts within time as do the thoughts in my mind

thoughts of the blind leading the ill, a holocaust in a rhyme

featuring skill but lacking essence was a problem of mine

Till  true friend walked upon my path, i was astounded to find

He took me under his wing, had me envision the light

"Wisdom alights on those" he told me "who are driving to fight!"

A simple insight, but the meaning was not  clear to me then

though it is now, Forever commited to the pad and the pen

Compassionate then, He led me to where the entire world could be seen

A superlative thing, and so i asked is all of this just a dream

He only smiled and simply stated that "all our futures are one

As infinite as sea shores and clouds aligned with the sun

It is only possible to continue if earth inhabits a few

who understand that time is precious, unlike the views of a fool

But the views that we use, separate us from the masses confused

To direct them opposite of such a passionate ruse"

I asked of the few who would deliver those with minimal sight

Still he smiled with eyes closed...Then i awoke in the night!

I looked out my window and what i saw, a city flooded with pain

So I drew an arc with my pen to shelter the world from the rain

(Finally,  i came to knew true friend behave as master  some time)

My Best Friend's

My best friends forever
Are here by my side
To help me forget
All the days that I've cried

Since the first day we met
Our friendship has grown
They don't speak a word
But their purpose is known

They'll bring me the comfort
To help ease my pain
They'll erase all the anguish
Which I have obtained

Together, they'll bring
The susbstance I need
To cast out the fear
Which my mind may breed

They'll clear me a path
And show me the way
To the light that I seek
On my dying day

When I take my last breath
They'll all be together
Giri, achyuth and naveen
My best friends forever.

♥ ♥ ♥ Am I Unnoticed? ♥ ♥ ♥

Should I jump though hoops

should I juggle three balls of fire in the air

should I walk  high above the ground

would you shreik if I fell and there was nobody around

or would you turn away and not make a sound

If I hired a skywriter to fly over your house

to write "I Love You" in the sky

Would you take time to notice

and wonder why I try

would you notice from distance the tears I cry

or the days without you I feel I want to die

I'm not the same color

I'm not the ideal age

I have little to offer you

I live in a cage

but I have a heart that has inside an emotion true

a dream of of falling in love...us two

but it's nothing if not shared by you

So this bird will shed his tears

and wipe his eyes

and know's none of the world feels it's true cries

and he'll take one last look before he flies

becaause he does so realize

you were the apple of his heart and eyes

it was for you that he used up all his last trys

You say if im a good choice

and I can't handle sad goobyes

so with broken heart will try to fly

and search halfheartedly for another sky

but insdie I feel another part of me die

to learn again that the dream of love

was only a wish and lie

My teardrops fall from above

and someone is heard saying "I felt a drop of rain"

but they don't know it comes from pain

of love unnoticed, unwelcomed and in vain

but this love left a permanant stain

that weights down my flight, like a heavy chain

and only you can bring  me  back again

Tough Time During Identity Crisis

I am not sure why so many of us center our identity on what we do, rather than who we are. I think who we are becomes tied and steeped into our careers. It's unfortunate, because we place so much undue importance on vocation, and material things, rather than how we treat people, the relationships we keep, the family we love. Shouldn't the latter be more pivotal to our happiness? And to our identity? For whatever reason, I think we tend to believe we are nothing unless we have a stable career, or are at least fulfilling and achieving something, anything, everyday.

have thought about this a lot with our current recession, and the unbelievable amount of jobs that have been lost. Of course it affects anyone who has been laid off -- men, women, fresh out of college 20-somethings -- but I have to think that it must be especially difficult for the breadwinners of the families. Obviously it's rough because this person is the one who brings in most of the income, and without that necessary money, the entire family suffers, but what about that person's identity and self-esteem? Their role in the family, and in life, has been to provide. What happens with (s)he is no longer able to do that? Won't that person begin to feel depressed, confused, and ultimately, a bit worthless? Of course, they are not worthless - they are still the same person they were before they lost their job; our core characters and personalities, while they may always shift a little, remain relatively the same. But it is no longer possible for that individual to fulfill the duty of providing, and monetarily caring for the family.

I am not the breadwinner of my family, quite the contrary. I don't even have a family of my own yet, which is a good thing since it's been difficult just to keep myself afloat over the past few months. But for years, I have struggled with self-confidence issues in terms of being financially stable and independent.But here's the thing: this lack of money, and adequate work, is killing us mentally. It's making all feel like a giant waste of space. I often forget to take stock of the reasons why I'm an important member of society (like, I aim to treat everyone kindly and with respect and I smile at strangers in the hopes of bettering their days) and focus on all the reasons why I'm purposeless.

It's hard to have so many goals, also, but not really know where to start. Does this ever happen to you? Do you ever feel frozen by your endless goals? I have so many things I want to accomplish in life that I tend to find myself stuck, and overwhelmed, before I even begin. How do you counteract this? I know the answer is simple: just do. But for some reason, it doesn't feel so easy.

Have you noticed people struggling with their identities as we roll deeper into recession?.

Shifts with my selfness

Lately I've been thinking about how often we change during our lifetimes. Think about it, we are transforming all the time; each day, we're a little different than we were the day before. Our thoughts shift, as do our personalities, feelings, ideas, our outlook on situations, etc. We grow physically too, cells die and then are re-born, and though the changes take place slowly and it may take a number of years to discern real differences, our looks inevitably alter also.

Surely you're not the same person you were 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago. With each life experience, both good and bad, we grow a bit, propel forward, and thus the lenses through which we view the world also evolve. Since we are constantly transitioning and developing, it makes sense that we don't always notice the changes. Often times we sit back and wonder, "How did I get here? How did I become this person?" And then there are other times when we are aware; the shifts can shake us like earthquakes, and the aftershocks rattle us long after. These are the moments when the transformations are swift and dramatic, rather than slow and subtle.

Though the process of growth, and casting off unfitting identities, is healthy (we cannot move forward while clinging tightly to that which holds us back), the transition can still feel painful and confusing nonetheless. For a time, we're free falling, swinging between who we once were and who we will become. We feel a sense of loss for our old self and beliefs. We must mourn, even though ultimately the loss will prove beneficial for us, then move ahead with our lives knowing, and accepting, that we will continue to metamorphose forever.

I bring this up because lately I have been feeling the tremors produced by change. The shift is happening much too quickly to go unnoticed, and it's hard not to feel uncertain. As I know all humans do, I've gone through many different incarnations of myself, from the time I was born, up until this very day, and while I do believe I am "me" at the core, I'm not sure what the real link is between the person I once was, who I am now, and the person I am becoming.

Who are we really, if we are always shifting and changing? Do we make up scripts for ourselves based on older (and possibly outdated) beliefs we once held about what we thought we wanted and who we assumed we were? What happens when we grow again, which we are always doing, and our ideals and ideas change? What happens when our own visions for our futures shift greatly? Do we take the risk, and leap, going for something we never imagined we would, or do we stick with the script -- the safe and familiar comfort zone we've created?

How can we know when we're satisfied with our choices, and our lives, when our characters are always changing? How can we confidently make decisions? Or, does there come a time when we just have to make the choice, and stick with it, even if we're scared? Because that's what being a grown-up entails?

I think right now because I'm a little unsure of my future on a variety of counts, my shift of self feels more profound. I do have choices, and I'm not sure which are the best for me -- for the me I am today, or the me I will grow into. Maybe the answer is in knowing we can always change our minds? We always have the option of finding a better suiting selection.

Or, maybe I just need to go with the flow and make choices based on what feels best for me today, and deal tomorrow with whatever comes my way then.

Cant Stay Away From You

There were times that I just wanna cry with all the strain
There were moments of uncertainty and pain
But when you are there to help and care, I smile again
But here am I so alone away from you

Everyday I can only pray for your warm loving arm
To take me away from all the emptiness, despair
Why do I have to be away from you

I have searched throughout the world a lot of things I've seen
I have pondered many possibilities
Then you come along, you make me strong so stay with me
Why am I on my own without you

On my own so far away I long from your warm loving arms
Into the cold, dark emptiness of hurt, despair
I don't wanna be away from you


Everyday I can only pray for your warm, loving arms
To take me away from all the emptiness, despair
Why do I have to be away from you

Please don't let me be


On my own so far away I long from your warm loving arms
Into the cold, dark emptiness of hurt, despair
I don't wanna be away from you

From The Heart .........

Through the years, I have had many friends. Some passed through my life quickly, others have remained constant. I can say I’ve friends of age 10, 18,24, even 30 years . Each one is a treasure to me and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

When I think of how precious my friends are to me, I’m reminded of a song I learned in Girl Scouts that goes, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other gold.”

Friendship has been described as two bodies with one mind. I’ve friends who know what I’m thinking when I look at them. I even had one friend who finished my sentences for me.

Some of my school friends got together for a reunion yesterday(march 9). Most of us hadn’t seen each other in over 5 years. I was amazed at how easily we fell back into a comfortable relationship with one another after being apart for so long and leading different lives. It was because of the bond we forged as young coeds that we were so at ease with one another after such a long absence.

Mutual interests bring friends together and sharing common experiences is what deepens that friendship. I have one friend that loves movies as much as I do. We can talk endlessly about TV shows, movies and celebrities. I have another friend in college who loves literature. We talk about them and exchange some knowledge(Though im little weaker) with each other.

Maintaining friendship takes work, but the effort for me has been worth it. I’m not willing to let any of my friends go. When I make a friend, it’s for life.

I recently read a quote by an unknown author that said, “Friends are kisses blown to us by angels.” I couldn’t agree more. I consider all my friends gifts from heaven. I don’t think I sought out any of these friendships. They just happened – and how thankful I am that they did!

I hope you remember your friends with as much fondness as I do. If you haven’t talked a friend in a while, call, write or send then an e-mail and let them know how much they mean to you.

Do you have a favorite saying, quote or song about friendship? Let me know which ones best describe your friendships.

Perdition 2

There is a great deal of depression that has overtaken my soul,
It floods deep within, into every inch that makes me whole.
I wonder and worry of thought throughout the day,
What is to come, to my dismay.
As a flood of tears pour out of me in all my expressions,
more and more comes, more and more depression.

I assure myself everything is ok!
But who am I fooling?
Then I burst into a spirit of rage.
I have questions, and there are answers.
But I'm afraid and much too weak,When I try to explain,
I hear I'm hearing wrong and need to be meek.
But this is how I feel, there's no wrong or right,
But as I battle with myself, I always lose the fight.

I feel timid sometimes by others,
But as I said "This is how I feel"
The pain in me is very real.
I lose control, my thought go wild,
and here I am only one.
If only you knew what I thought,
If only you knew what I fought.
I need my thoughts held captive.

Oh God, assure me I'm thinking normal
and you'll help me think positive.
I'm hurting, I need you!
Please don't give up on me!
One day I will always make you smile!


Note:not illusion

Praying For Some one Like You

As the sky turns to dawn,
I lie awake and think.
Of all my emotions lost and torn,
And then washed down the sink.

I realise now that your the one,
Who will hold me strong forever.
Who cherish me like the sun,
And say we'll always be together.

Through out my life you should stay.
With the troubles that we go through.
And all my life I will pray,
For someone just like you.

The Moon

Its more than just a rock,
Floating about in space.
As round as my bedroom clock,
With a shining white face.

It's a jewel so many can't see,
But they all not it's there,
They just haven't got the time to be free,
And sit and just stare.

Its lovely brightness which can be seen so bright,
Standing out in a sea of black.
Standing out and lighting the night,
From whee it came it can't be sent back.

It's taken for a lump,
A useless thing in the sky.
But these people would then have the hump,
If it were to die!

Be in my heart!!!!!

My love which doesn't end
Will, through every storm, transcend
And like lightening crashing above the beach
You keep me out of harms reach

My heart which beats for you so dear
Keeps away the chance of every tear
And with your hand holding my hand
There is nothing I cannot withstand

Before i saw you, my heart was alone
And now you are the one I have ever known
And like love which will not fail through all gale
Hope my relationship will forever prevail

My love which doesn't end
Will, through every storm, transcend
And like lightening crashing above the beach
You keep me out of harms reach

Little Does She Know .... That I Love Her

though more of my personal..........its okay

Little does she know how much I love her
Little does she care when I'm walking by
Little does she know, but I'm gonna show her
I could be the vision for her eye

Little does she see when I've been crying
And the many times that I've passed near by
Little does she know , but I'll keep on trying
To make her feel it's me I love her

And everywhere that she goes I cant be sure that I
Am gonna be there too but
That girl has gotta see how much she means to me
And that my love is true

Little does she hear the things I'm saying
I tell all my friends that she's oh so fine
Little does she know, but I'll go on praying
Some day i hope she will be mine

My .. Other World Is Empty

It is paining me to type this message late night but I hope that doing so will aid the healing process. I feel completely empty at the moment, as if my purpose in life has been stripped from me.

Sadly, Naveen, our one and only beloved mate, had to be put to sleep on friday 6th march 2009. He had been battling severe tumor in brain for many years, but had to be rushed to hospital on Wednesday after severe sickness that would not stop. On the operating table, Doctor found a tumor in his brain and a second tumor in his stomach, the latter of which was inoperable.

We knew about his pains and did everything in our power to ensure his daily life was as comfortable as possible, but we had no idea about the cancer. We thought he was just getting progressively tired because of his stiffness and work. On Wednesday, totally drained from the sickness, Naveen walked outside and collapsed beside the bike, something that he never did. It was as if he knew his time had come and he was telling us that he wanted to go to the OT.

Since Wednesday I have been consumed with a multitude of emotions. Devastation at news of admission of my best friend and soul mate, anger at the fact that nothing could be done to save him, and regret that if I’d have known today was going to be the last time I would see him, I would have spent good time with him at the hospital and said a proper goodbye. We just didn’t know what was ahead at that time. But I take comfort from the fact that when I petted him before leaving him a 2 months back in his room, he frowned as i he knew the future of his existence

Thoughts keep entering my mind. Perhaps if we had kept an even closer eye on his health and had found the cancer earlier then maybe we could have treated it. But then again the illness may not have been treatable even back then and so this process would have been even more painful for us. Naturally there will always be “what if’s”, but we are trying to convince ourselves that we did the best we could by him. You feel extra responsible because in way, he is helpless. he don’t know why something is wrong with him, and he can’t tell you when something is wrong until it’s too late. I can’t help but feel responsible.

This is what’s making it all so distressing. We loved and treated him as a soul mate, in fact we placed him at the centre – I can compare it only to losing a child, because that’s what Naveen was to me. I cared for Him so much from the very first day I met him , and now my world is empty.

I hope that over time I will come to appreciate that we could not be better blessed with the time we had with him.HE arrived into our lives when I was 10. He saw me make the transition from primary school to secondary school, then onto Graduation,

Today is the worst day of My life, a day that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Time is a wonderful healer but we are still numb and heartbroken, and I don’t think this cloud will lift anytime soon. We will think about him everyday and a piece of us will always be missing.

Be forever in peace, my friend. You will never be forgotten......

Pretty...................................

Looking on the outside
it's so pretty
feeling on the inside
it's just ugly

you shouldn't look at me
you won't like what you see
you shouldn't talk to me
I can't make any sense

Pretty on the outside
ugly on the inside

Early in the morning
I drag myself out of bed
looking in the mirror
fills me with dread

I don't wanna talk to you
I don't like what I say
I don't wanna hear about
all your bad days

Pretty on the outside
ugly on the inside
pretty on the outside
ugly on the inside

Im Stupid

I am stupid with  hell kickin my self esteem .but, this post is not about that.

God knows I'm stupid, I've been told often enough. Stupid - I know it, stupid in every fibre of my body, stupid from head to toe. Yes, I am stupid, I have it said to me and I say it myself: I am stupid. What else am I but that - stupid? At least I admit it; at least I shoulder my stupidity. I can declare: I am stupid. It is a fact. The sky is blue; I am stupid. It is February; I am stupid. A fact among other facts and nothing to be done.

Am I stupid? Certainly I am stupid. Am I am an idiot? Certainly that: an idiot, a drooler, that's what I'm good for. They keep me among them for reasons of contrast. I am an idiot, which means they're - not idiots. I am dimmer than any of them, they know that, which is why they keep me amongst them. An idiot - to provide a contrast, a backdrop. Idiocy - that lets their intelligence shine forth all the more splendidly. Idiocy! Foolishness! To let them radiate brilliance in all directions! That is my purpose; I have my place.

Stupid - that's what I am. Stupid through and through and blinking in the sun, lost in my stupidity. Droolingly stupid and lost in it - my stupidity just as the summer road is lost in haze. How vague I am! How lost, how retarded! I'm late for everything, even myself; I lag behind everything, even myself; I drag myself behind myself, every step is an effort. But I am used to it, I know what it is never to arrive all at once - I know that vagueness which dissolves everything.

Stupid - stranded in a past that is not mine. So lost I cannot come to myself. Snagged - but by what? What caught me then, so long ago, before I was born? On what was I caught so that I could not assume my existence? There is something that obsesses me - in my own past. I am writing to uncover it - I'm looking for it, the root of my idiocy, idiocy's radicle. But I can't find it. Where is it buried? Where has it buried me?

Sometimes I dream I've found it in the earth, the root - my idiocy. Sometimes I dreamed I've uncovered the dirt and found her, the non-idiot I also am. There she is, unmoving, pallid, not dead but dreaming just as I am dreaming. I am an idiot - but who is she, the non-idiot? I dream of her . In another life, I am not an idiot, that's what I tell myself. In another life - but how to find it, the other life?

   

oh!!! Look At Me

How can i just let you walk away
just let you leave without a trace
when i stand here taking every breath for you
You are the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
when all i can do is watch you leave
cause we've shared the laughter and pain
and even shared the tear
You're the only one who really know me at all

so take a look at me now
cause there's just an empty space
there's nothing left here to remind me
just the memory of your Face

so take a look at me now
cause there's just an empty space
and you coming back to me is against the odds
and thats what i got to face

i wish i could just make you turn around
turn around and see me cry
there's so much i need to say to you
so many reasons why
you are the only one who really know me at all

so take a look at me now
?cause there's just an empty space
but to wait for you is all i can do
and that's what ive got to face

Take a final look at me now
before my life ends in greed only for you
ill be still standing where im to you
oh! take a final look at me now

If I had

I guess I'm a little superstitious, since I refused to let these thoughts mature in my head (let alone write them down) until they returned home and none of this could come to pass. But I think it's a useful mental exercise, so I'm going to do it now with my affluenza to write some stuff

In one of the situations my friend came to me and asked to think if at any case my father did give me this what will be my response and what would i fill up with

"If something happens to me, you can find a list of my major assets at [_____], and the valuation of [_____] is [_____], and you can trust [_____] to be honest in helping you [_____]." Basically, the "here's how you get your hands on your inheritance" he gives before he went.


So I started thinking: (putting aside the obvious trauma and devastation of losing him , which I wouldn't elect to endure for anything) what would I do if something happened?

Note, though, that this is different from the related question of "what would I do if I won the lottery?" Suddenly coming into a lot of money would give me a lot of freedom to choose a new life, certainly. But the more important component here is "what would I do if I had enough money to not work AND I no longer had my parents' expectations for my life as a factor in my decision-making process?"

I don't really know the answer, but it's something I need to think about. My first, flippant, answer would be "quit my studies." But if I think about it more, I'm not so sure. I wouldn't stop studying altogether, even if I could. It'd be boring to "stop" at my age. So the question is what I'd do.


It's true that a big part of the reason I'm here is my parents' expectations. But now that I'm here, I have to admit it's a pretty good place to be. Of the handful of things I can picture myself doing in 10 years, this isn't a terrible stepping stone to get there. There are other more "funny"things I'd rather do on any given day. But there's time for that later, once I have some experience under my belt. it'd be stupid to just quit and do something fun until I'm sure I don't want to do such kinda. So at least I can say I wouldn't quit my studies immediately. I certainly wouldn't just jump in KUVUM and its as annoying as the rat race is sometimes, it turns out it is actually where I want/need to be right now, for myself.

So, that gives me some comfort. If I can honestly say I'd probably choose to be a free lancer(at least in the short term) even if I had the freedom to do anything else,then I guess life ain't so bad!! and thanks to my friend for costing some calories in my mind(i dint have gravity to write till then)