Setting Boundaries

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.”

No one likes to be told what to do. That’s just a plain and simple fact. Our egos bristle at it. Our minds resist it. So when someone draws a line in the sand sending the message, “you may not cross this line”, there is a small part of us that says, “Oh, is that so?” That’s what makes establishing boundaries feel like a frustrating power struggle. But what if there was a more effective way to establish healthy boundaries? Establishing boundaries are more for setting a standard for what works and what doesn’t work in your personal universe. When a person says or does something to violate your standards for healthy interaction, you learn about them. That is their behavior. They teach you, “this is how I treat you and this is how you can treat me.” And when they do that behavior again and it is tolerated, you have set the standard. You have basically done it to yourself.

If someone says or does something that doesn’t feel right or isn’t what you define as healthy, it is more effective to set the boundary for yourself regarding whether or not you will allow it in your life again. This provides you the opportunity to ask yourself some tough questions such as, “If this person behaves in this manner again, what will my response be? Can I remove myself from the situation? Would I be willing to distance myself from that person while they engage in that behavior?” There is the option to ask the person to stop their behavior. Remember, however, that this gives them the opportunity to answer either way. They can say yes, or they can say no. How will you respond if they say no? What about if they say yes, but then do it again anyway (saying no with their actions)? Aha! That’s the crux. Setting a boundary is only half of the equation. Honoring the boundary is the other half. Who is more likely to honor your own boundary? You? Or them? Who do you have more control over, yourself or others? There is only one person you can effectively set boundaries for…and that is you.

“No matter how famous the victim, no matter how powerful the advocates, it simply isn't always possible to control the conduct of other people.”

Great Affirmations for Releasing Limiting Beliefs

It is safe for me to release the imaginary constraints I have placed on my life.

The world is full of opportunity. I now realize that it is safe for me to examine each limiting belief my mind tries to sell me.

When I think back to my childhood, I realize that I once had a set of rules that worked for me. As I reached different ages, I outgrew certain rules.

There was once a time when I was not allowed to cross the street by myself. At a certain period in my life, this rule and others had value. But as I have grown older, I have let go of unnecessary restrictions.

Boundaries that were once useful to me may no longer be helpful in my current circumstances. As I encounter new stages of my life, I make changes to accommodate the wise and capable person I have become.

I no longer need to feel confined to certain limitations. In order to grow, I adjust my thinking and change the restrictions I once placed on myself.

Holding onto limiting beliefs does not serve me, so I am unafraid to shake off these restrictions. Releasing these constraints allows me a full spectrum of choices for my life.

I am liberated to move freely and reach out for bolder choices when I let go of unnecessary constraints. My unbound hands can embrace new truths and new goals.

When I release imaginary constraints, I can see that countless possibilities exist. Seeing a world of opportunity unlimited by constraints is thrilling.

There is comfort in my freedom. I am able to move forward with my life in any direction I choose. I am emboldened to live the life I only dreamt of before.

WhY LoVe?

I AM in love, these are the beautiful words to hear, to say.. but is that true? Why we fall in love? Why suddenly a person is so important, so special in our life? Why we feel we just can’t live without him/her? Why this pain…? Why so much pain in love? Why?

Many of us can recognise the distressing symptoms that come with love. Falling in love may border on serious psychological disorder. But does it have to be that way? Is there an alternative to medication or therapy to ease the pain of love?

People go from one relationship to another, trying to avoid any deep involvement. Problems ge accumulate more in this process, much pain has to be gone through, so one simply plays safe; one makes it a point never to go too deeply into somebody. If one can involve deeply with somebody then one may get too entangled, and it will be difficult to escape; the pain may be much. So people learn how to play safe, hit and run love affairs. Before you can be caught... run.

This is what is happening in the modern world. People have become so childish. Maturity comes only when you are ready to face the pain, take the challenge. And to live peacefully and happily with another person is the greatest challenge in this world.

It is very easy to live peacefully alone but very difficult with somebody else because two totally different worlds meet and collide.

Alone, one person feel lonely, sad and often asking himself/herself “what is the meaning of life?”: because the poetry arises only when you are together with somebody. Life takes a meaning only when you are in love. One part of mind thinks “love somebody, be love by somebody.” Another part of mind says, “beware, because each relationship turns out to be a problem.” Alone there are no problems – only you are the problem, there is no other problem – but with the other person many problems arise. But one thing is sure if you avoid relationship, you remain immature and  stuck.

When two people have fallen in love with each other, they drop their egos – at least for each other. They drop their hypocrisies, their masks. They want to be together, almost one soul within two bodies. That is desire of love and an alternative to medication or therapy to ease the pain of love…

GrEaT AfFiRmAtIoNs FoR EnDiNg NeEdLesS DrAmA

I walk away from unnecessary conflict.

When others try to engage me in unnecessary conflict, I simply walk away. I know better than to waste my time and energy trying to communicate with someone who just wants to argue.

If the other person honestly wants to listen, then I am open to sharing my views. But if the person simply wants to quarrel, I am not afraid to end our interaction.

I am free from the need to always be right and convince others of my point of view. I have enough self-respect and compassion to leave a pointless argument behind.

When I walk away from those types of situations, I keep my inner self intact. I do not give my power away by engaging in unnecessary drama. Part of being a great communicator is knowing when to speak and when to be silent.

I walk away from meaningless disagreements because I deserve to live a life free from drama and stress.

As I seek to enjoy a positive life, I gravitate toward healthy interactions and away from negativity; I do not entertain conflict because it is like a shower of negativity.

Each time I walk away from unnecessary conflict, I add value to myself. Others respect me because I uphold a high level of communication. Since they know I will not give them the satisfaction of a quarrel, they rarely try to engage me in conflict.

As a result of walking away from conflict, I live a peaceful life. My mental health is in great shape because I do not allow insignificant dramas to rattle me.

TeArS AnD WhIsPeRs

Soft whispers and silent tears,
Gentle words to ease the fears,
Of anxious friends with drawn faces,
Too distraught for social graces.

Keeping vigil through the night,
With you losing your breathless fight.
Having battled through pain filled years,
Among soft whispers and silent tears.

Watching sadly your distress and pain,
Never to hear your laughter again,
As your hold on life disappears,
Among soft whispers and silent tears.

Your once bright eyes are slowly dimming,
While ours with tears are over brimming.
A little smile seems to cross your lips,
Free at last from your morphine sips.

And so you leave your Earthly base,
As you start your journey to that Heavenly place.
Though out of sight it quells our fears,
Calming our whispers and silent tears.

ReFlEcTiOn

Looking back at the lessons and tasks completed in the process of preparation for BEC, there were really a lot! Effective communication, process of job application, research report and presentation were the main parts that were covered ..

Previously, I took another module related to effective communication. I found that both modules are very similar initially as we learnt about how effective communication can be achieved. Doing things like understanding a matter from others' point of views, speaking in the correct tone and using the correct non-verbal language are what affect effective communication. The main difference between these two modules is that this module introduces blogging as part of the communication process. I find that it is very relevant as most of the people nowadays like to communicate in the virtual space, which definitely includes blogging. Furthermore, there were a few blog topics which spark some really good conversations online between the classmates. It was a good chance to know one another better and the class definitely bonded better!

Lastly, I am very glad to have a friend who does comment me for all my writings or atleast have time to checkout my fuss in this very blog, and all the very friendly classmates! Thanks all

KeEp On KeEpInG oN

Aim higher, aim to the moon, even if you fail, you may land between the stars. 

It’s better your sad smile, than  the sadnnes of not seeing you smile.

To see things you have never seen, do things you have never done. You will be amazed. 

Today is the tomorrow you were worriying about yesterday. So relax, take one day at a time.

The most amazing adventure is not filling our lifes with dreams, but to make every moment so special, that it may look like a dream. 

When you are so determined to overcome every struggle, you will never meet failure.

Even love that is so sweet, can become sour, but if you mix it with wisdom and maturity, it will be love for a lifetime.

In this life what goes around comes around, don’t do unto others what you won’t want for yourself. 

Looking for a friend with no imperfections, is the same as looking for loneliness.

If you want a friend, be one, if you have a friend, keep being one.

If you happen to see someone without a smile, just give them one of yours…you will never run out of them.

When you have faith, you will find succes, where many have failed.

You are not depressed, only distracted.

Happiness starts the very moment  you stop seeking your own happiness and you start making others happy.

The one who drags you down and makes you feel less, is reflecting in you his own insecurities.

The big difference between what is material and spiritual is that the material has a temporary value, while the spiritual has a eternal value…where are you investing?

Be patient with everybody, especially with yourself,..don’t take yoursef too seriously.

Past, happened already, today is a gift, open it and enjoy it, live.

In life there is no general rehearsal, everyday is debut and farewell

PoIsOn Fruit. ...

Sinking my teeth
into delicate flesh,
breaking the rules,
the thrill is the best

the juices run quick
through my piercing teeth
trying to get to
the prize underneath

i collapse to the ground
i see nothing but black
i feel nothing but gentle
pushing on my back

dopey, and sleepy,
and happy, and doc
fail to realize
they are all out of luck

despite the warning
of the gal in black
i had to make the apple
my final snack

my prince never came
my dwarfs cried at my feet
but though the ending was sour
the apple was sweet

HaVe YoU EvEr .......ThEsE ThInGs

Have you ever hurt so bad you couldnt describe the pain?
And even though you know you have to you cant stay away
Ive been thinking and its making me go insane
Im out of breath im hurting and i have nothing left to say

Have you every loved somebody so much
But they didint feel the same
As if they didnt care
They just act like they dont even know your name

Have you ever tried so hard but never moved up
You stayed right were you started from
And still you dont know when its enough

Have you ever remember what youve ended
But not what youve started
Wishing you could just hurry and leave
So no more you would hurt

I have
I have
I have