It is paining me to type this message late night but I hope that doing so will aid the healing process. I feel completely empty at the moment, as if my purpose in life has been stripped from me.
Sadly, Naveen, our one and only beloved mate, had to be put to sleep on friday 6th march 2009. He had been battling severe tumor in brain for many years, but had to be rushed to hospital on Wednesday after severe sickness that would not stop. On the operating table, Doctor found a tumor in his brain and a second tumor in his stomach, the latter of which was inoperable.
We knew about his pains and did everything in our power to ensure his daily life was as comfortable as possible, but we had no idea about the cancer. We thought he was just getting progressively tired because of his stiffness and work. On Wednesday, totally drained from the sickness, Naveen walked outside and collapsed beside the bike, something that he never did. It was as if he knew his time had come and he was telling us that he wanted to go to the OT.
Since Wednesday I have been consumed with a multitude of emotions. Devastation at news of admission of my best friend and soul mate, anger at the fact that nothing could be done to save him, and regret that if I’d have known today was going to be the last time I would see him, I would have spent good time with him at the hospital and said a proper goodbye. We just didn’t know what was ahead at that time. But I take comfort from the fact that when I petted him before leaving him a 2 months back in his room, he frowned as i he knew the future of his existence
Thoughts keep entering my mind. Perhaps if we had kept an even closer eye on his health and had found the cancer earlier then maybe we could have treated it. But then again the illness may not have been treatable even back then and so this process would have been even more painful for us. Naturally there will always be “what if’s”, but we are trying to convince ourselves that we did the best we could by him. You feel extra responsible because in way, he is helpless. he don’t know why something is wrong with him, and he can’t tell you when something is wrong until it’s too late. I can’t help but feel responsible.
This is what’s making it all so distressing. We loved and treated him as a soul mate, in fact we placed him at the centre – I can compare it only to losing a child, because that’s what Naveen was to me. I cared for Him so much from the very first day I met him , and now my world is empty.
I hope that over time I will come to appreciate that we could not be better blessed with the time we had with him.HE arrived into our lives when I was 10. He saw me make the transition from primary school to secondary school, then onto Graduation,
Today is the worst day of My life, a day that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Time is a wonderful healer but we are still numb and heartbroken, and I don’t think this cloud will lift anytime soon. We will think about him everyday and a piece of us will always be missing.
Be forever in peace, my friend. You will never be forgotten......
