There have been studies that show that we each have an emotional equilibrium - a generally standard, emotional state. Some of us tend to be more optimistic, upbeat and happy, while others hold more negative views. It's human nature. Some of us are glass half full kinda people, while others see their glasses as much less bounteous. These same studies point to the fact that after enduring something upsetting, as well as experiencing something joyful, we tend to find our way back to our set emotional medians. So positive, happy events seem to bolster the optimists' bright outlook, while the pessimists may say, "Better not get too excited. Life can't stay this good for long." Or something like that.
Im nut of reading others, At first they seemed odd to me: How could a painful experience not shatter or depress a happy person? Why would they have an easier time dealing with it, and bouncing back to happiness faster than someone who isn't as quite as optimistic?
But then I started to examine my own recent, personal experiences, and it all became extremely clear to me. If you create the framework for how we view every thing that happens to us (or rather, everything that happens, period). It's all a viewpoint. Our viewpoint. We may see a world, even during the tougher times, that is doused in brilliant sunshine and goodness, or maybe our personal lenses offer an image of a darker Earth that more often than not feels hostile and inhospitable. The point is, how we view things, and deal with them, is all up to us.
But then I started to examine my own recent, personal experiences, and it all became extremely clear to me. If you create the framework for how we view every thing that happens to us (or rather, everything that happens, period). It's all a viewpoint. Our viewpoint. We may see a world, even during the tougher times, that is doused in brilliant sunshine and goodness, or maybe our personal lenses offer an image of a darker Earth that more often than not feels hostile and inhospitable. The point is, how we view things, and deal with them, is all up to us.
It only makes sense that if we choose to look at the bright side of things, find the silver lining in even the most difficult of experiences, then that is exactly what we'll tend to experience: the silver lining. If we look for the good within the bad, and fixate on that, we won't waste as much energy and worry on "woe is me, life is so terrible," but rather, "Ok, this awful thing happened, but the pain won't last forever. What can I do to fix it, and get life back to good?" It helps us deal with the situation at hand, while at the same time keeping perspective and remaining hopeful.
On the other hand, I think that when we concentrate solely on the negative, we create more of it - more like, negative experiences. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - what we expect. So, without realizing it, we actually wind up looking for, and attracting more painful and bad circumstances (which, in the end, will allow us to say, "See? Life does suck!"). And what happens? Whether we've experienced something great or terrible, we wind up feeling pretty close to how we felt (optimistic or pessimistic) before the thing occurred.
On the other hand, I think that when we concentrate solely on the negative, we create more of it - more like, negative experiences. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - what we expect. So, without realizing it, we actually wind up looking for, and attracting more painful and bad circumstances (which, in the end, will allow us to say, "See? Life does suck!"). And what happens? Whether we've experienced something great or terrible, we wind up feeling pretty close to how we felt (optimistic or pessimistic) before the thing occurred.
Though I was never as aware of it before dealing with my friends death as I am now, in looking back at all the things, good and bad, that have been thrown my way over the last few years, I realize that I am generally an idealistic, happy person, and, as the study suggests, I am resilient and bounce back to that emotional state after trying events. I am not saying that I am always happy -- this couldn't be farther from the truth, and I've spent a lifetime attempting to expose and assert my true, authentic self, anger, sadness, and all (in fact, that's the point of this attempt or blog) -- but I do realize that life is tough enough as it is, and I'd rather concentrate on the good so as is not to make it any harder.
So, with my Friend's passing, while I have gone through (and continue to go through) the entire spectrum of emotions that happen with the process of grieving, I do my best to focus on the wonderful boy, and friend, that he was, how much he loved me (and unlike the physical body, love never dies, so I know his love is still with me) and all the valuable, meaningful lessons I learned from him. I am struggling now with some issues that have cropped up in the aftermath of his death, and I am worried about how these things will affect me , but I know I will work through it -- I have no other choice -- and though I'm scared right now, I will handle it, and grow smarter and stronger as a result. There are many tough life lessons I've yet to learn, in part because my dad was such a great caretaker, and I'm learning them now, hands-on, through these experiences -- that's the way I choose to view it all; that's the good that I see in this particular bad.
