I need a good defence, coz i'm feeling like criminal!!.LOL!

I’ve been a bad, bad boy. Or a bad, bad blogger anyway. So bad that I missed my own blogoversary in december. This blog itself is one year old. And I did nothing to mark the occasion. Sorry blog, sorry blog buddies.

Maybe it’s because there were another two years behind these past one year of blogging on the now defunct Reality Check , but somehow lately I am not feeling the creative blog juices flowing. I never wanted blogging to feel like a chore, and yet lately it somehow does. It’s something that I sometimes feel like I have to do, rather than want to, at any given moment. And yet, overall I do want to blog.

Blogging brought me a lot of unexpected things, including some friends, some quite good friends actually. I never knew coming into this that it wasn’t just a one-way street o f my pumping out my insights and anecdotes. That with feed back and discovering other notions, I’d find a way to connect to people. People I consider friends. Who cheer me on when I need encouragement, celebrate when the good happens, and have offered sympathy and support if it’s something bad.

And so, I apologize to you. I feel somehow I’ve let you down. And you’re sometimes what keeps me coming back. Which is the best part of all. I know you’ll be here whenever I have something to say. And for that I thank you. On on this, my belated blogoversary I send the happy and good wishes your way. Thanks.

if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?

Do the theater queens among you recognize that? I'll let you figure it out. No googling.

It's so true, isn't it? I've become a big proponent lately of positive thinking and good vibrations and stuff. Not in a new-agey guru weird kinda way, but in a "well, it can't hurt, so why not be positive?" kinda way.

I think it's impossible to achieve your dreams if you're constantly visualizing failure and filled with dread. Why not visualize success, and fill yourself with hope? You'll automatically align your mind, and from there your actions, with the path that will take you where you want to go.

Of course, this philosophy is hard to reconcile with realism. And it's even harder to reconcile with risk-aversion. And I am extremely risk averse.

A few months ago, I was having dinner with a friend, and (because I was irritated with him for another reason) I attacked him for this very quality. Specifically, when he becomes interested in a gal, he goes WAY overboard. He thinks the gal really "gets" him, and that he has never felt a connection like this before. This could really be the one!

And then, after a while, reality sets in, and sometimes he gets hurt. As his friend, I see the pattern and provide the shoulder in the aftermath. But when I attacked him for it, he (quite justifiably) snapped back, "Well at least I try. At least I allow myself to feel something."

It stung, but within five minutes I realized he's right. I'm so risk averse, particularly in matters of the heart, that I never get as far as FEELING. I analyze the pros and cons, and since the cons have always outweighed the pros, I cut it off before there's any risk of getting hurt. Relationships can be painful, but if you don't take a risk, you'll never get what you want.

I do have a particular dream. More than anything, I want it to come true. I don't know how to get there, but the first step is admitting that it is my dream. I need to stop dwelling on the cons, and put the possibility of pain out of my mind. I need to just go for it. Otherwise, there's no possibility of my dream coming true.

What's your dream?

Slow Down!!!!!!!!

I’ve been a terrible blogger lately. TERRIBLE. And what breaks my heart about it is that blogging (and writing in general) is one of my most treasured passions. When I’m writing (and documenting) less, I begin to feel less whole and wildly out of balance.

Everything in my life is good. My equilibrium isn’t off because I’m unhappy, but because I have so many wonderful and exciting new things happening in my world and I’m busier than I’ve ever been in my life. My life is full – I just took one look at my calendar, and had a mini panic-attack. I forgot to schedule space for breathing.

Here’s the thing: I don’t do well like this. I need to breathe – a lot, in fact. Breathing in and out, preferably slow, long breaths, makes me happy. It keeps me sane and, well, alive. There is nothing I want to give up – or even would give up – but at some point down the road, I’m going to have to learn to find time for me and the things that make me ME. Whether it’s a night on the sofa doing absolutely nothing (ooh that sounds good!), or an hour-long watching TV, finally taking that CISCO class , or even sleeping, it needs to happen. Because I? Am exhausted.

Over the past few weeks, my body has been breaking down in a myriad of ways as a means of forcing me to slow down; I guess this is good because without its persuasion, I seem to refuse the rest I need. My glands are swollen, I have some weird throat infection, I’m breaking out everywhere and I’m so sluggish that no amount of coffee can keep my weary eyes wide.

It’s that bad.

I recently heard that the most stressful events in life are losing a loved one, getting married, moving and starting a new job. Hmm…all eerily familiar. I lost my chum a couple of years ago (and wow do emotions from that devastating loss still creep up constantly and blindside me when I least expect them…), I recently joined the class of my juniors,class in chennai,little fights . Change isn’t the enemy. In fact, I like it because it means I’m growing, evolving, overcoming challenges and learning plenty of new things. But it certainly takes me some time to adjust. And there’s been a lot of change, mixed in with a continuous stream of activities for months on end now, and I think my body’s finally pleading “UMM”.


But the good news, like I said, is that most everything in my world is fun and positive. I LOVE the way am now , I LOVE my friends! I LOVE all the fun plans. I LOVE that I’m getting busy! So what to do? Try to slow down, take just one night (or maybe even one hour?) to myself a week to do what I want and need for me, and go on happily (and less tired?)

How do you keep sane and healthy when things in your world become overwhelming?

Self help

Good time out with friends today.

I’ve learnt to close an eye to things that would use to irritate the hell out of me, I’m nobody’s parent or principal. If people be late, they be late. I read my book. If people are weird about money, they are weird about money. My take is, I can always earn more money.

When I have kids, I’d be very careful about who their friends are. Given time and contact, youngsters begin to adopt the values and behaviors of their peers. Sizing up someone’s friends and associates will give you a pretty reliable indication of his or her character. It’s the thin slice: We get a good idea of who a person is by the friends she makes and the books he reads.

I’m very wary of those who profess religious beliefs, high morals and ethics overly much. political games.

Some general observations from all about — 'A' thinks she can get away with little impatient comments that betray her trying to get 'X' down, always peppering her “interested” intelligent questions with just that slight put-down. Always on impeccable behaviour with others whom she thinks are “above” her in social status though. B is not sophisticated about that streak of calculativeness, has need to appear financially successful. C is pretty comfortable with himself, I like him. D is just bored with her life and seeking distraction, seems pretty trustworthy, though. E is very sensitive, very touchy, has external locus of control. I try not to ask too many questions as he seems a bit evasive with some questions: avoiding embarrassment, conflict, the truth, or an emotionally difficult subject?

And me: I’ve to learn to take criticism gracefully and not like a personal attack. Have got to learn patience, and stick-to-it-iveness: tend to get overexcited about new things when I’ve already got a lot on my plate. Have to learn not to overextend myself, and say “no” gracefully. Have to remember not to be so judgmental: we never see the whole story about a person’s life — in any case I’ll leave the judging to God.

Don’t be attention-grabbing conversation-steerer. It reeks of self-centredness and being insecure. Hone listening skills. Don’t interrupt others. Excuse myself when I feel drained.

Always back talk with action.

Also losing one’s temper is a bad habit; rein in, rein in, rein in that temper.

I also don’t like that streak of free-floating defensiveness that’s creeped up in my talk. “Just an engineering student” “Just going to get a useless degree from JNTU”: Granted I’m pretty self-deprecating, but beneath it all is anger — I don’t feel that people here respect me for reading . Why this desire for social recognition? Is it because I truly feel that teachers, educators, public servants deserve more recognition; or am I just angry that Iam lower in comparison to others ? I think this is a hot button issue with me, and I want to be clearer about why so. Is there guilt? Embarrassment? Anger? Why? Am I feeling some sort of regret or deep unhappiness with my life?

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Exaggeration: Person is insecure and trying to get noticed. If you had a bad experience at the hospital a few years back, she had an even worse one. If you know a great french restaurant, she knows the world’s best. Besides being insecure, people who engage in this type of exaggeration are often trying to control the conversation and the behaviour of those participating in it.

Some people express themselves in extremes not because they want to control others’ behaviour but because that’s how they see life. The positive thinkers include those who are sincerely thrilled to be alive and who express their enthusiasm at the drop of a hat. But there are also people who adopt a jovial attitude in an attempt to disguise a deep disappointment with life or in an effort to change, or at least ignore, their fate through sheer force of will. It’s hard to tell between someone who’s truly joyful and one who has adopted a sunny facade. Sometimes someone who’s overcompensating will let down her guard, revealing her anxiety or sadness with a passing comment or facial expression.