Shifts with my selfness

Lately I've been thinking about how often we change during our lifetimes. Think about it, we are transforming all the time; each day, we're a little different than we were the day before. Our thoughts shift, as do our personalities, feelings, ideas, our outlook on situations, etc. We grow physically too, cells die and then are re-born, and though the changes take place slowly and it may take a number of years to discern real differences, our looks inevitably alter also.

Surely you're not the same person you were 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago. With each life experience, both good and bad, we grow a bit, propel forward, and thus the lenses through which we view the world also evolve. Since we are constantly transitioning and developing, it makes sense that we don't always notice the changes. Often times we sit back and wonder, "How did I get here? How did I become this person?" And then there are other times when we are aware; the shifts can shake us like earthquakes, and the aftershocks rattle us long after. These are the moments when the transformations are swift and dramatic, rather than slow and subtle.

Though the process of growth, and casting off unfitting identities, is healthy (we cannot move forward while clinging tightly to that which holds us back), the transition can still feel painful and confusing nonetheless. For a time, we're free falling, swinging between who we once were and who we will become. We feel a sense of loss for our old self and beliefs. We must mourn, even though ultimately the loss will prove beneficial for us, then move ahead with our lives knowing, and accepting, that we will continue to metamorphose forever.

I bring this up because lately I have been feeling the tremors produced by change. The shift is happening much too quickly to go unnoticed, and it's hard not to feel uncertain. As I know all humans do, I've gone through many different incarnations of myself, from the time I was born, up until this very day, and while I do believe I am "me" at the core, I'm not sure what the real link is between the person I once was, who I am now, and the person I am becoming.

Who are we really, if we are always shifting and changing? Do we make up scripts for ourselves based on older (and possibly outdated) beliefs we once held about what we thought we wanted and who we assumed we were? What happens when we grow again, which we are always doing, and our ideals and ideas change? What happens when our own visions for our futures shift greatly? Do we take the risk, and leap, going for something we never imagined we would, or do we stick with the script -- the safe and familiar comfort zone we've created?

How can we know when we're satisfied with our choices, and our lives, when our characters are always changing? How can we confidently make decisions? Or, does there come a time when we just have to make the choice, and stick with it, even if we're scared? Because that's what being a grown-up entails?

I think right now because I'm a little unsure of my future on a variety of counts, my shift of self feels more profound. I do have choices, and I'm not sure which are the best for me -- for the me I am today, or the me I will grow into. Maybe the answer is in knowing we can always change our minds? We always have the option of finding a better suiting selection.

Or, maybe I just need to go with the flow and make choices based on what feels best for me today, and deal tomorrow with whatever comes my way then.

Cant Stay Away From You

There were times that I just wanna cry with all the strain
There were moments of uncertainty and pain
But when you are there to help and care, I smile again
But here am I so alone away from you

Everyday I can only pray for your warm loving arm
To take me away from all the emptiness, despair
Why do I have to be away from you

I have searched throughout the world a lot of things I've seen
I have pondered many possibilities
Then you come along, you make me strong so stay with me
Why am I on my own without you

On my own so far away I long from your warm loving arms
Into the cold, dark emptiness of hurt, despair
I don't wanna be away from you


Everyday I can only pray for your warm, loving arms
To take me away from all the emptiness, despair
Why do I have to be away from you

Please don't let me be


On my own so far away I long from your warm loving arms
Into the cold, dark emptiness of hurt, despair
I don't wanna be away from you

From The Heart .........

Through the years, I have had many friends. Some passed through my life quickly, others have remained constant. I can say I’ve friends of age 10, 18,24, even 30 years . Each one is a treasure to me and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

When I think of how precious my friends are to me, I’m reminded of a song I learned in Girl Scouts that goes, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other gold.”

Friendship has been described as two bodies with one mind. I’ve friends who know what I’m thinking when I look at them. I even had one friend who finished my sentences for me.

Some of my school friends got together for a reunion yesterday(march 9). Most of us hadn’t seen each other in over 5 years. I was amazed at how easily we fell back into a comfortable relationship with one another after being apart for so long and leading different lives. It was because of the bond we forged as young coeds that we were so at ease with one another after such a long absence.

Mutual interests bring friends together and sharing common experiences is what deepens that friendship. I have one friend that loves movies as much as I do. We can talk endlessly about TV shows, movies and celebrities. I have another friend in college who loves literature. We talk about them and exchange some knowledge(Though im little weaker) with each other.

Maintaining friendship takes work, but the effort for me has been worth it. I’m not willing to let any of my friends go. When I make a friend, it’s for life.

I recently read a quote by an unknown author that said, “Friends are kisses blown to us by angels.” I couldn’t agree more. I consider all my friends gifts from heaven. I don’t think I sought out any of these friendships. They just happened – and how thankful I am that they did!

I hope you remember your friends with as much fondness as I do. If you haven’t talked a friend in a while, call, write or send then an e-mail and let them know how much they mean to you.

Do you have a favorite saying, quote or song about friendship? Let me know which ones best describe your friendships.

Perdition 2

There is a great deal of depression that has overtaken my soul,
It floods deep within, into every inch that makes me whole.
I wonder and worry of thought throughout the day,
What is to come, to my dismay.
As a flood of tears pour out of me in all my expressions,
more and more comes, more and more depression.

I assure myself everything is ok!
But who am I fooling?
Then I burst into a spirit of rage.
I have questions, and there are answers.
But I'm afraid and much too weak,When I try to explain,
I hear I'm hearing wrong and need to be meek.
But this is how I feel, there's no wrong or right,
But as I battle with myself, I always lose the fight.

I feel timid sometimes by others,
But as I said "This is how I feel"
The pain in me is very real.
I lose control, my thought go wild,
and here I am only one.
If only you knew what I thought,
If only you knew what I fought.
I need my thoughts held captive.

Oh God, assure me I'm thinking normal
and you'll help me think positive.
I'm hurting, I need you!
Please don't give up on me!
One day I will always make you smile!


Note:not illusion

Praying For Some one Like You

As the sky turns to dawn,
I lie awake and think.
Of all my emotions lost and torn,
And then washed down the sink.

I realise now that your the one,
Who will hold me strong forever.
Who cherish me like the sun,
And say we'll always be together.

Through out my life you should stay.
With the troubles that we go through.
And all my life I will pray,
For someone just like you.