Be in my heart!!!!!

My love which doesn't end
Will, through every storm, transcend
And like lightening crashing above the beach
You keep me out of harms reach

My heart which beats for you so dear
Keeps away the chance of every tear
And with your hand holding my hand
There is nothing I cannot withstand

Before i saw you, my heart was alone
And now you are the one I have ever known
And like love which will not fail through all gale
Hope my relationship will forever prevail

My love which doesn't end
Will, through every storm, transcend
And like lightening crashing above the beach
You keep me out of harms reach

Little Does She Know .... That I Love Her

though more of my personal..........its okay

Little does she know how much I love her
Little does she care when I'm walking by
Little does she know, but I'm gonna show her
I could be the vision for her eye

Little does she see when I've been crying
And the many times that I've passed near by
Little does she know , but I'll keep on trying
To make her feel it's me I love her

And everywhere that she goes I cant be sure that I
Am gonna be there too but
That girl has gotta see how much she means to me
And that my love is true

Little does she hear the things I'm saying
I tell all my friends that she's oh so fine
Little does she know, but I'll go on praying
Some day i hope she will be mine

My .. Other World Is Empty

It is paining me to type this message late night but I hope that doing so will aid the healing process. I feel completely empty at the moment, as if my purpose in life has been stripped from me.

Sadly, Naveen, our one and only beloved mate, had to be put to sleep on friday 6th march 2009. He had been battling severe tumor in brain for many years, but had to be rushed to hospital on Wednesday after severe sickness that would not stop. On the operating table, Doctor found a tumor in his brain and a second tumor in his stomach, the latter of which was inoperable.

We knew about his pains and did everything in our power to ensure his daily life was as comfortable as possible, but we had no idea about the cancer. We thought he was just getting progressively tired because of his stiffness and work. On Wednesday, totally drained from the sickness, Naveen walked outside and collapsed beside the bike, something that he never did. It was as if he knew his time had come and he was telling us that he wanted to go to the OT.

Since Wednesday I have been consumed with a multitude of emotions. Devastation at news of admission of my best friend and soul mate, anger at the fact that nothing could be done to save him, and regret that if I’d have known today was going to be the last time I would see him, I would have spent good time with him at the hospital and said a proper goodbye. We just didn’t know what was ahead at that time. But I take comfort from the fact that when I petted him before leaving him a 2 months back in his room, he frowned as i he knew the future of his existence

Thoughts keep entering my mind. Perhaps if we had kept an even closer eye on his health and had found the cancer earlier then maybe we could have treated it. But then again the illness may not have been treatable even back then and so this process would have been even more painful for us. Naturally there will always be “what if’s”, but we are trying to convince ourselves that we did the best we could by him. You feel extra responsible because in way, he is helpless. he don’t know why something is wrong with him, and he can’t tell you when something is wrong until it’s too late. I can’t help but feel responsible.

This is what’s making it all so distressing. We loved and treated him as a soul mate, in fact we placed him at the centre – I can compare it only to losing a child, because that’s what Naveen was to me. I cared for Him so much from the very first day I met him , and now my world is empty.

I hope that over time I will come to appreciate that we could not be better blessed with the time we had with him.HE arrived into our lives when I was 10. He saw me make the transition from primary school to secondary school, then onto Graduation,

Today is the worst day of My life, a day that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Time is a wonderful healer but we are still numb and heartbroken, and I don’t think this cloud will lift anytime soon. We will think about him everyday and a piece of us will always be missing.

Be forever in peace, my friend. You will never be forgotten......

Pretty...................................

Looking on the outside
it's so pretty
feeling on the inside
it's just ugly

you shouldn't look at me
you won't like what you see
you shouldn't talk to me
I can't make any sense

Pretty on the outside
ugly on the inside

Early in the morning
I drag myself out of bed
looking in the mirror
fills me with dread

I don't wanna talk to you
I don't like what I say
I don't wanna hear about
all your bad days

Pretty on the outside
ugly on the inside
pretty on the outside
ugly on the inside

Im Stupid

I am stupid with  hell kickin my self esteem .but, this post is not about that.

God knows I'm stupid, I've been told often enough. Stupid - I know it, stupid in every fibre of my body, stupid from head to toe. Yes, I am stupid, I have it said to me and I say it myself: I am stupid. What else am I but that - stupid? At least I admit it; at least I shoulder my stupidity. I can declare: I am stupid. It is a fact. The sky is blue; I am stupid. It is February; I am stupid. A fact among other facts and nothing to be done.

Am I stupid? Certainly I am stupid. Am I am an idiot? Certainly that: an idiot, a drooler, that's what I'm good for. They keep me among them for reasons of contrast. I am an idiot, which means they're - not idiots. I am dimmer than any of them, they know that, which is why they keep me amongst them. An idiot - to provide a contrast, a backdrop. Idiocy - that lets their intelligence shine forth all the more splendidly. Idiocy! Foolishness! To let them radiate brilliance in all directions! That is my purpose; I have my place.

Stupid - that's what I am. Stupid through and through and blinking in the sun, lost in my stupidity. Droolingly stupid and lost in it - my stupidity just as the summer road is lost in haze. How vague I am! How lost, how retarded! I'm late for everything, even myself; I lag behind everything, even myself; I drag myself behind myself, every step is an effort. But I am used to it, I know what it is never to arrive all at once - I know that vagueness which dissolves everything.

Stupid - stranded in a past that is not mine. So lost I cannot come to myself. Snagged - but by what? What caught me then, so long ago, before I was born? On what was I caught so that I could not assume my existence? There is something that obsesses me - in my own past. I am writing to uncover it - I'm looking for it, the root of my idiocy, idiocy's radicle. But I can't find it. Where is it buried? Where has it buried me?

Sometimes I dream I've found it in the earth, the root - my idiocy. Sometimes I dreamed I've uncovered the dirt and found her, the non-idiot I also am. There she is, unmoving, pallid, not dead but dreaming just as I am dreaming. I am an idiot - but who is she, the non-idiot? I dream of her . In another life, I am not an idiot, that's what I tell myself. In another life - but how to find it, the other life?