Wondering If Friendships Were Real!!!!!

There are friendships that I keep
Though they only make me weep
There are friends I hope are true
And pray for as I lay down to sleep

But I'm thinking of friends who came and went
Who at first felt so true and Heavensent
So precious at the time that kindness was lent
And then disappeared as if every last cent was spent

Without the reassurance of lasting care
Without contact or taking time anymore to share
I sadly question everything and I hear my heart declare
"I wonder if they were truly ever really there?"

Thinking now just what I feel
questioning what really is or isn't real
I have found so few in life on whom I can depend
I wonder if I've really ever had a best friend

I guess I'm jaded through and through
I smile but my heart cries huh!
And there is not a thing I can do
But think of what we shared..and miss you too

To My Best Friend!!!!!!!!!!

Theres something that you need to know ,
All this time, Ive been learning how to let you go
I ve waited , pleaded forgivin and cried
just enough to know that I tried
tried for a time and fought for a season
begging and pleading for you to give me a reason
to try this again with tears in my eyes.
Ive ran out reasons Ive ran out of why's
and it cant be without you, but ready to try
You ask for the answers , im not ready to give you,
how can we move forward when I cant forgive you.

I was waiting there, to find direction
i was waiting there to see your intentions


But, were just two different people, and somehow I know
that were two different people that need to let go.

(I will never forget you , you really are my best freind.)

I need a good defence, coz i'm feeling like criminal!!.LOL!

I’ve been a bad, bad boy. Or a bad, bad blogger anyway. So bad that I missed my own blogoversary in december. This blog itself is one year old. And I did nothing to mark the occasion. Sorry blog, sorry blog buddies.

Maybe it’s because there were another two years behind these past one year of blogging on the now defunct Reality Check , but somehow lately I am not feeling the creative blog juices flowing. I never wanted blogging to feel like a chore, and yet lately it somehow does. It’s something that I sometimes feel like I have to do, rather than want to, at any given moment. And yet, overall I do want to blog.

Blogging brought me a lot of unexpected things, including some friends, some quite good friends actually. I never knew coming into this that it wasn’t just a one-way street o f my pumping out my insights and anecdotes. That with feed back and discovering other notions, I’d find a way to connect to people. People I consider friends. Who cheer me on when I need encouragement, celebrate when the good happens, and have offered sympathy and support if it’s something bad.

And so, I apologize to you. I feel somehow I’ve let you down. And you’re sometimes what keeps me coming back. Which is the best part of all. I know you’ll be here whenever I have something to say. And for that I thank you. On on this, my belated blogoversary I send the happy and good wishes your way. Thanks.

if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?

Do the theater queens among you recognize that? I'll let you figure it out. No googling.

It's so true, isn't it? I've become a big proponent lately of positive thinking and good vibrations and stuff. Not in a new-agey guru weird kinda way, but in a "well, it can't hurt, so why not be positive?" kinda way.

I think it's impossible to achieve your dreams if you're constantly visualizing failure and filled with dread. Why not visualize success, and fill yourself with hope? You'll automatically align your mind, and from there your actions, with the path that will take you where you want to go.

Of course, this philosophy is hard to reconcile with realism. And it's even harder to reconcile with risk-aversion. And I am extremely risk averse.

A few months ago, I was having dinner with a friend, and (because I was irritated with him for another reason) I attacked him for this very quality. Specifically, when he becomes interested in a gal, he goes WAY overboard. He thinks the gal really "gets" him, and that he has never felt a connection like this before. This could really be the one!

And then, after a while, reality sets in, and sometimes he gets hurt. As his friend, I see the pattern and provide the shoulder in the aftermath. But when I attacked him for it, he (quite justifiably) snapped back, "Well at least I try. At least I allow myself to feel something."

It stung, but within five minutes I realized he's right. I'm so risk averse, particularly in matters of the heart, that I never get as far as FEELING. I analyze the pros and cons, and since the cons have always outweighed the pros, I cut it off before there's any risk of getting hurt. Relationships can be painful, but if you don't take a risk, you'll never get what you want.

I do have a particular dream. More than anything, I want it to come true. I don't know how to get there, but the first step is admitting that it is my dream. I need to stop dwelling on the cons, and put the possibility of pain out of my mind. I need to just go for it. Otherwise, there's no possibility of my dream coming true.

What's your dream?

Slow Down!!!!!!!!

I’ve been a terrible blogger lately. TERRIBLE. And what breaks my heart about it is that blogging (and writing in general) is one of my most treasured passions. When I’m writing (and documenting) less, I begin to feel less whole and wildly out of balance.

Everything in my life is good. My equilibrium isn’t off because I’m unhappy, but because I have so many wonderful and exciting new things happening in my world and I’m busier than I’ve ever been in my life. My life is full – I just took one look at my calendar, and had a mini panic-attack. I forgot to schedule space for breathing.

Here’s the thing: I don’t do well like this. I need to breathe – a lot, in fact. Breathing in and out, preferably slow, long breaths, makes me happy. It keeps me sane and, well, alive. There is nothing I want to give up – or even would give up – but at some point down the road, I’m going to have to learn to find time for me and the things that make me ME. Whether it’s a night on the sofa doing absolutely nothing (ooh that sounds good!), or an hour-long watching TV, finally taking that CISCO class , or even sleeping, it needs to happen. Because I? Am exhausted.

Over the past few weeks, my body has been breaking down in a myriad of ways as a means of forcing me to slow down; I guess this is good because without its persuasion, I seem to refuse the rest I need. My glands are swollen, I have some weird throat infection, I’m breaking out everywhere and I’m so sluggish that no amount of coffee can keep my weary eyes wide.

It’s that bad.

I recently heard that the most stressful events in life are losing a loved one, getting married, moving and starting a new job. Hmm…all eerily familiar. I lost my chum a couple of years ago (and wow do emotions from that devastating loss still creep up constantly and blindside me when I least expect them…), I recently joined the class of my juniors,class in chennai,little fights . Change isn’t the enemy. In fact, I like it because it means I’m growing, evolving, overcoming challenges and learning plenty of new things. But it certainly takes me some time to adjust. And there’s been a lot of change, mixed in with a continuous stream of activities for months on end now, and I think my body’s finally pleading “UMM”.


But the good news, like I said, is that most everything in my world is fun and positive. I LOVE the way am now , I LOVE my friends! I LOVE all the fun plans. I LOVE that I’m getting busy! So what to do? Try to slow down, take just one night (or maybe even one hour?) to myself a week to do what I want and need for me, and go on happily (and less tired?)

How do you keep sane and healthy when things in your world become overwhelming?