The end of Summer is near. Im watching Nacho Libre . Sad, but maybe interesting. This movie only makes me laugh because of the funny accents. Why would you care? I'm not sure. Isn't that what most blogs are these days? Random ramblings about the going ons of life? It's unclear...I just bit my tounge. Ouch!!..HEHE
The point is- I am writing for the sake of writing. I don't have much to say now only because I have limited my interactions with the world as of late. My life has consisted of sister, mom, freinds and my dad.
In Indain culture,we function as one. As it is in other cultures, such as Hispanic for ex, we live breathe and move around each other. All of our individual plans are influenced by the others. This can sometimes make life stressful. The only way to manage is to take it one day at a time.
The family structure as a group versus individual can pose problems when you are trying to be an individual. But how can one be truly an individual if you are influenced by your family? And how can you grow close to your family if you function solely on your own? I prefer the invasive interactions over the formality that might come with trying to isolate one self in becoming an "individual."
There aren't any people in the world that are as important as your family. Whether you like it or not- blood does make a difference.
The concept of family is subjective. Whom ever you consider family. Make sure to take care of them as they would you.
As much as Im not trying to be lame- I cant help but to think I sound utterly utterly cliche. well. It is what it is. <---(horrible)
Its the truth.
PoEtRy ThErApY ...
I have found the writing of poetry very therapeutic. Poetry gives you the opportunity to express your feelings in words and images. It also gives you a chance to put words to all the ideas which come to your mind and which would be lost forever, if they are not put to some creative use.
When you feel unhappy read or hear an audio which can help you to alleviate your mood and make your day more pleasant.
When you are happy about some new event occurring in your life or in the world around you, take some time to put your feelings of the moment into a few lines. I find that it is a challenge to be able to put a big idea into a few lines of verse.
When you are looking for a challenge, take the time to write a poem on a boring subject, and make it a poem, to grab the interest of your reader. I practised writing poems based on fact, to make it more interesting and mentally appetizing .
A poem is an excellent way to channel your creative talents. You can create a poem which may seem frivolous today, but which at sometime or for someone else have a deeper meaning. Make an attempt at trying your hand at writing all types of poems. It is always best to let your thoughts flow when you are writing poetry, this is one of the best ways for releasing your creativity.
There have been times when I have written more than five poems in a day. It was just that the ideas started flowing, and there came a time when the poetry would write itself. What do I mean by saying that a poem would write itself? This means that the words, the images, the rhyme and the rhythm would all fall into place seemingly by magic once I had a concrete image or concept in my mind about the concept I wanted to write about. I have been writing poems from september, my firstbest poem being, “We Salut You”. Since that poem I have not looked back. I do hope that you find the writing of Poetry as enjoyable and therapeutic as I do.
When you feel unhappy read or hear an audio which can help you to alleviate your mood and make your day more pleasant.
When you are happy about some new event occurring in your life or in the world around you, take some time to put your feelings of the moment into a few lines. I find that it is a challenge to be able to put a big idea into a few lines of verse.
When you are looking for a challenge, take the time to write a poem on a boring subject, and make it a poem, to grab the interest of your reader. I practised writing poems based on fact, to make it more interesting and mentally appetizing .
A poem is an excellent way to channel your creative talents. You can create a poem which may seem frivolous today, but which at sometime or for someone else have a deeper meaning. Make an attempt at trying your hand at writing all types of poems. It is always best to let your thoughts flow when you are writing poetry, this is one of the best ways for releasing your creativity.
There have been times when I have written more than five poems in a day. It was just that the ideas started flowing, and there came a time when the poetry would write itself. What do I mean by saying that a poem would write itself? This means that the words, the images, the rhyme and the rhythm would all fall into place seemingly by magic once I had a concrete image or concept in my mind about the concept I wanted to write about. I have been writing poems from september, my firstbest poem being, “We Salut You”. Since that poem I have not looked back. I do hope that you find the writing of Poetry as enjoyable and therapeutic as I do.
HiGh SpIrItS
Life was in high spirits
Everything was going my way
The face of my soul was feelin' happier
With every coming day
With no things to bother
And no problems to solve
I was feelin' even more content
That my life was heading to resolve
But from top of the hill
When I saw the town
I couldn't help it any more
And it let me down
I saw people fighting for fame
I saw people striving to find the lost name
But all they did was ever the same
They said 'twas all part of the game
One thing of all that worries me today
Is that a once cheerful world has become so gray
Sitting on an iceberg I can feel the heat
Trust, Faith and Fidelity have taken a backseat
In a world today where deceit is so rife
I have little hope to live a peaceful life
But against the hope I pledge to do
To get my message clear and through
I feel my ride on the highway must end
For there are many things which refuse to mend
Of surety there are plans I strongly intend
To make my people simply comprehend
That life's too short to hold a grudge
And you make it shorter when you refuse to budge
So spread the message of peace and love
Throw the swords and feed the dove
Everything was going my way
The face of my soul was feelin' happier
With every coming day
With no things to bother
And no problems to solve
I was feelin' even more content
That my life was heading to resolve
But from top of the hill
When I saw the town
I couldn't help it any more
And it let me down
I saw people fighting for fame
I saw people striving to find the lost name
But all they did was ever the same
They said 'twas all part of the game
One thing of all that worries me today
Is that a once cheerful world has become so gray
Sitting on an iceberg I can feel the heat
Trust, Faith and Fidelity have taken a backseat
In a world today where deceit is so rife
I have little hope to live a peaceful life
But against the hope I pledge to do
To get my message clear and through
I feel my ride on the highway must end
For there are many things which refuse to mend
Of surety there are plans I strongly intend
To make my people simply comprehend
That life's too short to hold a grudge
And you make it shorter when you refuse to budge
So spread the message of peace and love
Throw the swords and feed the dove
InDePeNdAnCe DaY.........To Me?
Here in India, on this special day the 15th of August we celebrate our independence! Yeah!
Have you ever thought about what true independence really means to you on a personal level?
Creating true personal independence may mean that you are free to do whatever you want whenever you want wherever you want.
That is true independence, wouldn’t you say?
So how do you get there?
For me it begins with believing… believing that I can create and accomplish my own personal independence.
If you don’t believe in yourself, or if you have old beliefs that do not allow you to believe you can be truly independence, you will not be able to create freedom for yourself.
The Law of Attraction states that all forms of matter and energy are attracted to that which is of a like vibration. When our thoughts are in harmony with our highest desires and we set forth our thoughts consciously, we increasingly attract that which we desire.
Once you understand that what you are thinking and feeling is what you are attracting, it gives you a whole new perspective on creating your own personal independence.
You really can create anything you want. Really!
Many people may also define independence as “success” for with success comes the freedom to choose what you want to do… independence. Right?
Do you know that most people are more afraid of success than failure?
Why do you think that is?
I think it is because we become too comfortable with where we are in life and to step outside our comfort zone to become “successful” is scary… and we have to start thinking about what our friends and family will think of us.
Will you lose some friends when you become more independent?
Yes.
Will you gain new friends who are not challenged by your independence?
Yes.
We were all given beliefs as children by our parents and caregivers that we take with us throughout our lives… beliefs like, “I’m not good enough” or “I will never have a lot of money” or “No one in our family makes much money” or “I will never be independent” or “If I do make money it will get taken away.”
Remember, those beliefs were given to you by someone else and you can CHOOSE to let them go now. A simple way to let go of old beliefs that are holding you back is with this simple affirmation…
“I now release all limiting beliefs that are blocking my true independence.”
Repeat that affirmation throughout the day and especially as you fall asleep at night. Write it in a notebook over and over… and see what happens.
This is important…
You will notice that people who speak most of success, prosperity and independence have it - and people who speak most of lack have it. That is the Law of Attraction in action.
Are you attracting success and independence or lack?
You MUST eliminate complaining and telling others about any perceived lack in your life.
Begin to imagine yourself with the success and independence you desire. Spend a few moments several times throughout the day just imagining how it feels AS IF(factor) you already have true independence.
What does that feel like to you? What do you see? How is your life different?
SMILE and allow yourself to FEEL the feelings that accompany the true independence you have created.
See what I mean?
“Say what isn’t until it is”
Another important factor in beginning to create the true independence you desire is to determine WHY you want that independence?
Do you want to stay home with your Parents? Do you want to help your Gaurdian retire? Do you want to create freedom for yourself and your family? Do you want to make a difference in the world?
It is also important to remember to be open to RECEIVING what you desire. One simple method of remaining open to receiving is to practice repeating an Affirmation that states…
“I am open to receiving.”
“I am open to receiving true independence.”
“I am open to receiving true independence now.”
Most people feel they have to “see it before they believe it,” when in fact you can learn to “believe it before you see it.”
See the difference?
When you can learn to believe it before you see it, you will see your life begin to shift and you will begin to attract to you real and true independence.
Happy Independence Day!
CaTcHiNg Up WiTh MySeLf
My emotions have been spastic lately. Not in a bad way—I’m not sad or stressed or anything like that—I just think that mentally and physically, I am finally beginning to catch up with myself. I knew this would happen. In fact, I was hoping it would happen. Truthfully, I’m surprised it didn’t start to happen sooner. But I suppose that’s the nature of being so busy in all facets of life – you don’t have time to really think, or feel. You just plow forward, moving through it as quickly and efficiently as you possibly can. And, as the past few years have taught me, if there’s anything I am good at it, it’s moving through things.
There is nothing about this life that I don’t love. But regardless of how happy I am – and I am happy – there has been so much change, and it’s hard not to feel affected by it. Sometimes I lay awake at night and just review the past 6 months. I think about the circumstances I endured, the places and feelings I journeyed through, and where I reside, emotionally and physically, today.
Last night I sifted through my old diary and was shocked by the hopelessness I felt. I expended so much time and energy into attempting to “fix” what I felt was broken. I felt isolated, stagnant and generally dejected. Nothing was really going the way it should, the way I had envisioned for myself. My career was slowing, my friendships were fading, I missed my home town and rest of my friends was far away. I was with someone I loved, who knew me better than anyone and who had been by my side through my life’s hardest moments, but I knew it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t happy. The relationship was one-sided and uneven, I would have made it work, but for the most part I would have lived my life alone. . Those feelings and thoughts came from me—was I really that forlorn? That unsatisfied? And was I really going to continue on in my life feeling that way?
It’s amazing the way life works out, and how circumstances line up for us when we least expect them. I would have accepted and put up with so much to preserve my relationship. But the one thing I refused to give up on was family. That was the trigger that I needed to change my entire situation—to make it better. And I did. Change isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. It’s the only way we can transition from Point A to Point B; the only way we can grow, and find a new life circumstance that suits us much better, and makes us happier. Sometimes we have to give up the comfort and familiarity of a secure situation, and leap forward embracing the unknown. Usually, though, the unknown offers fresh and possibly even superior options. Options we never would have known existed if we’d stayed within the snugness of our too-small lives. Though I can’t help but miss that world at times, especially when I realize just how dramatically everything has shifted, and the pangs of change strike my core, I have done the best possible thing for myself by moving here, and by starting over. My old life no longer fits.
.I am really ready for this new life, and all the feelings that will go along with it
There is nothing about this life that I don’t love. But regardless of how happy I am – and I am happy – there has been so much change, and it’s hard not to feel affected by it. Sometimes I lay awake at night and just review the past 6 months. I think about the circumstances I endured, the places and feelings I journeyed through, and where I reside, emotionally and physically, today.
Last night I sifted through my old diary and was shocked by the hopelessness I felt. I expended so much time and energy into attempting to “fix” what I felt was broken. I felt isolated, stagnant and generally dejected. Nothing was really going the way it should, the way I had envisioned for myself. My career was slowing, my friendships were fading, I missed my home town and rest of my friends was far away. I was with someone I loved, who knew me better than anyone and who had been by my side through my life’s hardest moments, but I knew it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t happy. The relationship was one-sided and uneven, I would have made it work, but for the most part I would have lived my life alone. . Those feelings and thoughts came from me—was I really that forlorn? That unsatisfied? And was I really going to continue on in my life feeling that way?
It’s amazing the way life works out, and how circumstances line up for us when we least expect them. I would have accepted and put up with so much to preserve my relationship. But the one thing I refused to give up on was family. That was the trigger that I needed to change my entire situation—to make it better. And I did. Change isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. It’s the only way we can transition from Point A to Point B; the only way we can grow, and find a new life circumstance that suits us much better, and makes us happier. Sometimes we have to give up the comfort and familiarity of a secure situation, and leap forward embracing the unknown. Usually, though, the unknown offers fresh and possibly even superior options. Options we never would have known existed if we’d stayed within the snugness of our too-small lives. Though I can’t help but miss that world at times, especially when I realize just how dramatically everything has shifted, and the pangs of change strike my core, I have done the best possible thing for myself by moving here, and by starting over. My old life no longer fits.
.I am really ready for this new life, and all the feelings that will go along with it
>>>>>>>>>????...
i have no words
Words will come.Words fill my head
, my heart fills with tears
.my eyes with pain,
my conscious with her memory
and then the words come.
The art that has always inspired me, in remembrance of her kindness- of the most true kind- keeps me moving, and thinking, and wanting to live more fully, more passionately.Without her- I am not me. Without us, There are no words to offer a broken heart, a kindred soul, a burning flame, a love so deep, only words in writing with paper and pen with intricate letters, spellings and curves of dots and lines- would make it suffice. Would keep the art she lived for alive, the passion, the drive, the intensity to gain a knowledge of that desire and a mind waiting to be fulfilled, wanting and insisting to enrapture. It will stay within us. It will be ours, something I know bringing comfort -that you knew what it was like , it is now ours. For the same kind of pens and books of empty papers were also yours - They wont become a has been as long as I remember the flame, it will go on. When I think there is no more to give- the words amazingly start to flow - to no avail, in not knowing where they come from my hand wont stop moving and writing, something it never thought it could do. Just as I thought I was about to give up, she pushes and I feel her here with me and she is here telling me to live. She is strong writing these words for me, and the tears don't stop, and the flow keeps going and I am scared because I don't know where they are coming from, and the pain and hunger in my stomach is curling now but I am told to ignore it and keep fulfilling. One day, just one day...The power that is in those words start to subside and the passion remains. It is a command I cannot ignore. I will keep going for her, and for me. It will be. It is meant, and I surrender..to you.Thank you.
Words will come.Words fill my head
, my heart fills with tears
.my eyes with pain,
my conscious with her memory
and then the words come.
The art that has always inspired me, in remembrance of her kindness- of the most true kind- keeps me moving, and thinking, and wanting to live more fully, more passionately.Without her- I am not me. Without us, There are no words to offer a broken heart, a kindred soul, a burning flame, a love so deep, only words in writing with paper and pen with intricate letters, spellings and curves of dots and lines- would make it suffice. Would keep the art she lived for alive, the passion, the drive, the intensity to gain a knowledge of that desire and a mind waiting to be fulfilled, wanting and insisting to enrapture. It will stay within us. It will be ours, something I know bringing comfort -that you knew what it was like , it is now ours. For the same kind of pens and books of empty papers were also yours - They wont become a has been as long as I remember the flame, it will go on. When I think there is no more to give- the words amazingly start to flow - to no avail, in not knowing where they come from my hand wont stop moving and writing, something it never thought it could do. Just as I thought I was about to give up, she pushes and I feel her here with me and she is here telling me to live. She is strong writing these words for me, and the tears don't stop, and the flow keeps going and I am scared because I don't know where they are coming from, and the pain and hunger in my stomach is curling now but I am told to ignore it and keep fulfilling. One day, just one day...The power that is in those words start to subside and the passion remains. It is a command I cannot ignore. I will keep going for her, and for me. It will be. It is meant, and I surrender..to you.Thank you.
OlD FrIeNds .....
When I was a little boy, before I decided I wanted to try out public high school simply to become a good student, I went to a private school in T.nagar where I made a number of friends
I started at this particular school in kindergarten, and suffered through the painfully unattractive uniforms (of which I tried, unsuccessfully, to jazz up with sparkly and lacy cutoff leggings…), through the 8th class. I had always intended on finishing my schooling there, and I really loved it, but during the summer between 7th and 8th class, a friend convinced me to go to summer camp. Though terrified, I left home for the very first time (for 4 weeks!), and, despite my concern that I’d hate being away from home and cry daily like the homesick fool that I know I have it in me to be…I wound up having the best summer of my life.
Though I’d been wildly unaware, the desire must have been growing inside of me for quite some time because that was all it took to motivate me to switch schools. It made me crave something bigger. A wider variety of classes, new friends, big school dances, and of course, cheerleading in metro culturals. I had to the make the switch—I knew it was then, or never. And so, with just a few weeks of summer left before the start of the school year, my mom pulled me out of that school and enrolled in chittoor. The same high school my cousin attended many, many, many years prior (they’ll love me for that one!).
I was paralyzed with fear, and after my first day I was positive I’d made the wrong choice. After all, the friends I’d made at this school in chittoor(VDEM) were like scared-skin to me—I’d known them practically from then. And now…now I was the outsider with the funny clothes – What did they expect? I’d spent a lifetime wearing plaid jumpers and Monogrammed shirts!
I digress. A few months later, high school began to go just fine.It was all a great experience to say the least. But the one thing I missed dearly from my old school days were my family-like friends. It was hard to stay in touch. We were young, and our lives revolved around school, and the people in our immediate proximity. We didn’t drive yet, and our houses were all so far apart. I missed my best friend, desperately, but life just seemed to spiral on, and soon we lost toucjh in talking altogether. Not because of a fight, or anything bad. Our lives just went in different directions.
But last night, after 7-8 years, Harish and I got together for dinner . And we had the BEST time. We’d been trying to coordinate our schedules to get together since I moved , and we were having a hard time making it happen. Then, SUPER coincidentally, last time I ran into him and his mom in his apartment complex! There are cute shops and restaurants in his area, and we all happened to be walking around at the same time. None of us could believe it, and we decided it was fate giving us a good kick .
We sat for 4 hours catching up, laughing, eating good food, and becoming part of each other’s lives all over again. It was incredible—truly heartwarming—to know that a friend who made such an impact on my childhood, someone who I adored so much and spent so much concentrated time with, has turned into an amazing man who I still enjoy just as much. We picked up right where we left off (minus the braces and bad ----), and delved back into each other’s worlds with vigor and heart. There’s something so refreshing and real about spending time with friends who knew you back when, before you lost sight of your true self and starting trying to “grow up” and continuously transform yourself.
When we were finally ready to leave the restaurant, we walked out together and saw we’d parked in the exact same lot, right next to one another. Another crazy coincidence letting us know, once again, that despite the years passed and our different schooling and adult-life adventures, our friendship was, and still is, meant to be.
I started at this particular school in kindergarten, and suffered through the painfully unattractive uniforms (of which I tried, unsuccessfully, to jazz up with sparkly and lacy cutoff leggings…), through the 8th class. I had always intended on finishing my schooling there, and I really loved it, but during the summer between 7th and 8th class, a friend convinced me to go to summer camp. Though terrified, I left home for the very first time (for 4 weeks!), and, despite my concern that I’d hate being away from home and cry daily like the homesick fool that I know I have it in me to be…I wound up having the best summer of my life.
Though I’d been wildly unaware, the desire must have been growing inside of me for quite some time because that was all it took to motivate me to switch schools. It made me crave something bigger. A wider variety of classes, new friends, big school dances, and of course, cheerleading in metro culturals. I had to the make the switch—I knew it was then, or never. And so, with just a few weeks of summer left before the start of the school year, my mom pulled me out of that school and enrolled in chittoor. The same high school my cousin attended many, many, many years prior (they’ll love me for that one!).
I was paralyzed with fear, and after my first day I was positive I’d made the wrong choice. After all, the friends I’d made at this school in chittoor(VDEM) were like scared-skin to me—I’d known them practically from then. And now…now I was the outsider with the funny clothes – What did they expect? I’d spent a lifetime wearing plaid jumpers and Monogrammed shirts!
I digress. A few months later, high school began to go just fine.It was all a great experience to say the least. But the one thing I missed dearly from my old school days were my family-like friends. It was hard to stay in touch. We were young, and our lives revolved around school, and the people in our immediate proximity. We didn’t drive yet, and our houses were all so far apart. I missed my best friend, desperately, but life just seemed to spiral on, and soon we lost toucjh in talking altogether. Not because of a fight, or anything bad. Our lives just went in different directions.
But last night, after 7-8 years, Harish and I got together for dinner . And we had the BEST time. We’d been trying to coordinate our schedules to get together since I moved , and we were having a hard time making it happen. Then, SUPER coincidentally, last time I ran into him and his mom in his apartment complex! There are cute shops and restaurants in his area, and we all happened to be walking around at the same time. None of us could believe it, and we decided it was fate giving us a good kick .
We sat for 4 hours catching up, laughing, eating good food, and becoming part of each other’s lives all over again. It was incredible—truly heartwarming—to know that a friend who made such an impact on my childhood, someone who I adored so much and spent so much concentrated time with, has turned into an amazing man who I still enjoy just as much. We picked up right where we left off (minus the braces and bad ----), and delved back into each other’s worlds with vigor and heart. There’s something so refreshing and real about spending time with friends who knew you back when, before you lost sight of your true self and starting trying to “grow up” and continuously transform yourself.
When we were finally ready to leave the restaurant, we walked out together and saw we’d parked in the exact same lot, right next to one another. Another crazy coincidence letting us know, once again, that despite the years passed and our different schooling and adult-life adventures, our friendship was, and still is, meant to be.
It WiLl JuSt HaPpEn
Its the beginning of an end. The firstweek of August. Nearing end of summer. The beginning of... ( try and complete the sentence. do it for yourself).Everyday can be a new beginning. As cliche as it sounds- it is true. I find that once you make a decision, everything around you seems to revolve or contribute around that decision. In the cosmos, the world will favor you. Just have a positive outlook. Nothing is impossible. This can be dangerous for stubborn people like me. I believe in this, therefore if something is not happening the way I want it to- I force it, and I end up getting hurt and dissapointed. So I have decided to just let the earth work without trying to worry too much. Ultimately, I do not have the control. Lets learn to just let it be.
NeVeR In MoDeRaTiOn
Im feeling very jealous... Of myself.
I read my previous posts and realized... where did this boy go? Where have I been? Has the wind taken me far enough that I have forgotten? Did I really write all that?
And I envy dedication to writing of some people and itll be my foolishness wondering to be like them. Time does have a way of sweeping you up- the difference is recognzing when and how and why. Upon coming back down- your perspective is always different. Isnt life so weird and beautiful at the same time?
I do love to write. It seems natural for me to write everyday without heistation. I feel as though once I stop writing- I stop have a lust for knowledge and the desire to learn becomes somehow less. I fail to notice the things that I would normally write about. I fail to notice the culture and life around me as I used to ..-- because writing is truly a vehicle of expressing that which you cannot put into everyday talk. I dont want to just become part of the mundane everyday existance but I thrive being on the outside looking in. What Im trying to say is- writing allows me look at the world in a different light. Because I know that later on, I can document it all.. put it in symbols and words that I wouldnt have usually come up with if I didnt have the anticipation to come home and write about it.
Okay thats enough writing about writing. You get my drift.
Months gone by, and again I sit here wondering how it all happened. Where am I going. Where is this world taking me. Is is really up to me to propel it? Or am I still waiting on some miracle to just fall in my lap?
Wake up calls all around me. I often feel I am in a constant daze. Maybe I am not drinking enough coffee.
I read my previous posts and realized... where did this boy go? Where have I been? Has the wind taken me far enough that I have forgotten? Did I really write all that?
And I envy dedication to writing of some people and itll be my foolishness wondering to be like them. Time does have a way of sweeping you up- the difference is recognzing when and how and why. Upon coming back down- your perspective is always different. Isnt life so weird and beautiful at the same time?
I do love to write. It seems natural for me to write everyday without heistation. I feel as though once I stop writing- I stop have a lust for knowledge and the desire to learn becomes somehow less. I fail to notice the things that I would normally write about. I fail to notice the culture and life around me as I used to ..-- because writing is truly a vehicle of expressing that which you cannot put into everyday talk. I dont want to just become part of the mundane everyday existance but I thrive being on the outside looking in. What Im trying to say is- writing allows me look at the world in a different light. Because I know that later on, I can document it all.. put it in symbols and words that I wouldnt have usually come up with if I didnt have the anticipation to come home and write about it.
Okay thats enough writing about writing. You get my drift.
Months gone by, and again I sit here wondering how it all happened. Where am I going. Where is this world taking me. Is is really up to me to propel it? Or am I still waiting on some miracle to just fall in my lap?
Wake up calls all around me. I often feel I am in a constant daze. Maybe I am not drinking enough coffee.
CrIsIs Of FaItH....
Here is something I wrote yesterday when i was asked to write some article for my kollege news letter:
Life is a big mystery. Been feeling inspired lately and cant shake the questions. - If there were no life or existance, What is there? What is the point of it all? to serve God? If so- What does God Want? To be a good person to yourself and to others? ...Then why is it that not everyone can follow the same rules of a dogmatic religion? Its impossible. We are all created with individual characteristics, heritage, genes, and circumstances. How is it that we are all supposed to follow one formula? It doesnt make logical sense. I was brought up to always think there are rules and guidelines as to how to be a successful person on this journey called life. I was always told how I was to function in order to secure success. I always struggled with trying to make myself believe... But Belieiveing is also, Hard to believe.
Where does ones beliefs derive? From whcih ever they do. are they universal? -- regardless of whatever is worldly attached to that person?
I want to go with the easy answer to what I have always known. To learn about the techings of the prophets in Christianity, and to just read the Bible. So my heart can find rest. Yet- there are so many questions.
At some point, one must choose to believe in something- but if that belief doesnt adhere to a specific religion , does that mean that person is doomed to hell? God cannot be a cruel creator, we are his creations, yet we have the choice. The "free will" etc......We are not the ultimate judges, I suppose.
It is a persons choice to look outside themselves and find whatever it is they are looking for. We cannot be force fed a prescription medication. A one way ticket.
Diversity is what makes us human. Its what makes culture. We ALL have a story to tell. Without that story, life would be fruitless/hum drum.
Without all the things that human beings latch onto to give us an identity we are no body. Its like the movie about the boy who goes into the wild and leaves all his belongings and family behind him. In the end he found that Happiness is not real unless it is shared.
Those things are important. And the balance of the material, physical, metaphysical etc. is essential to our discovery about the journey that we are all destined to take., to live.
To say that worldly things are meaningless is ignorant. It is a cop out for the immature person who wants to take the easy way out. – Whichever way it would suit him or her. Those things would not exist if they were not important for our growth. Everything has a purpose? A reason?
The human capacity to THINK, FEEL, ACT, CREATE, AND TRANSFORM is immense. We are all given that ability. The proof lies with in a physical cat scan of our brain. And- we only really use a small part of it.
Sit on it.
Chao for now
Life is a big mystery. Been feeling inspired lately and cant shake the questions. - If there were no life or existance, What is there? What is the point of it all? to serve God? If so- What does God Want? To be a good person to yourself and to others? ...Then why is it that not everyone can follow the same rules of a dogmatic religion? Its impossible. We are all created with individual characteristics, heritage, genes, and circumstances. How is it that we are all supposed to follow one formula? It doesnt make logical sense. I was brought up to always think there are rules and guidelines as to how to be a successful person on this journey called life. I was always told how I was to function in order to secure success. I always struggled with trying to make myself believe... But Belieiveing is also, Hard to believe.
Where does ones beliefs derive? From whcih ever they do. are they universal? -- regardless of whatever is worldly attached to that person?
I want to go with the easy answer to what I have always known. To learn about the techings of the prophets in Christianity, and to just read the Bible. So my heart can find rest. Yet- there are so many questions.
At some point, one must choose to believe in something- but if that belief doesnt adhere to a specific religion , does that mean that person is doomed to hell? God cannot be a cruel creator, we are his creations, yet we have the choice. The "free will" etc......We are not the ultimate judges, I suppose.
It is a persons choice to look outside themselves and find whatever it is they are looking for. We cannot be force fed a prescription medication. A one way ticket.
Diversity is what makes us human. Its what makes culture. We ALL have a story to tell. Without that story, life would be fruitless/hum drum.
Without all the things that human beings latch onto to give us an identity we are no body. Its like the movie about the boy who goes into the wild and leaves all his belongings and family behind him. In the end he found that Happiness is not real unless it is shared.
Those things are important. And the balance of the material, physical, metaphysical etc. is essential to our discovery about the journey that we are all destined to take., to live.
To say that worldly things are meaningless is ignorant. It is a cop out for the immature person who wants to take the easy way out. – Whichever way it would suit him or her. Those things would not exist if they were not important for our growth. Everything has a purpose? A reason?
The human capacity to THINK, FEEL, ACT, CREATE, AND TRANSFORM is immense. We are all given that ability. The proof lies with in a physical cat scan of our brain. And- we only really use a small part of it.
Sit on it.
Chao for now
DeStInAtIoN...
I had a dream a very long time ago that this would happen.I cant explain the exact details, but something tells me that this was all known, and meant to be.I remember vaguely where I was, and how unexpected the whole scene was. No one knew what to say, but I was incredibly happy. It didn't matter to me that others would be shocked or surprised at what they found out to be my destiny. They soon realize they had to accept it as reality.
The world doesn't always turn and work the way we imagine it to be when we are young. Almost every one of you can look back on the past five years and never expect that anything you thought at the time, would turn out completely different. All of our decisions and delusions change based on the way the world moves us. We can never, ever predict it- or control it entirely. The small choices we make each day turn into the status of your life- right now. Is the divine really involved. Who really knows anyway,Faith.
My head has a numbing feeling inside it, that will not shake with rest. Its the brink of intensity. The feeling you get when you know your mind has had just about enough. At some point, it will come crashing down. Into you... or into someone else. In their arms, or via technology. What would we do without our individual and unique coping mechanisms? I'm sure we can all learn from each other. No one can do it all alone.
In the movie, INTO THE WILD, the hero realizes in the end- Happiness is not real until it is shared.Whatever mine or your circumstance, I hope there will always be people in your life that will be happy for you, and with you.
The world doesn't always turn and work the way we imagine it to be when we are young. Almost every one of you can look back on the past five years and never expect that anything you thought at the time, would turn out completely different. All of our decisions and delusions change based on the way the world moves us. We can never, ever predict it- or control it entirely. The small choices we make each day turn into the status of your life- right now. Is the divine really involved. Who really knows anyway,Faith.
My head has a numbing feeling inside it, that will not shake with rest. Its the brink of intensity. The feeling you get when you know your mind has had just about enough. At some point, it will come crashing down. Into you... or into someone else. In their arms, or via technology. What would we do without our individual and unique coping mechanisms? I'm sure we can all learn from each other. No one can do it all alone.
In the movie, INTO THE WILD, the hero realizes in the end- Happiness is not real until it is shared.Whatever mine or your circumstance, I hope there will always be people in your life that will be happy for you, and with you.
TrAnSpIrE
When your heart is heavy. the material doesnt matter.
the metaphysical takes over. the spirit world manifests in reality.
when your heart is so full of love that you dont know where to turn, or what to do with it. -when your mind is so consumed. you become like a drone in the rest of the worlds mundane movements.
when you would do anything to satisfy the needs, or heal the pain, or comfort a soul, when loving becomes more than you can handle. when emotional strife is an understatement. when longing becomes sleeplessness, when feeling becomes too hard... too much...
we move.slowly.
we ignore. we exist, we try to subsist. frivolities , meaninglessness. sleeplessness.
it will haunt you. dont ignore, give it a face. look in the mirror- who do I want to be? Give in.
too many times we are distracted. too often we forget the purpose., the consequences. each little step today, makes a huge mark tomorrow. one month . one year. 20 years.
Just ask yourself.
make noise, commotion if need be. have people talking. this is your life. your love. your passion.
the metaphysical takes over. the spirit world manifests in reality.
when your heart is so full of love that you dont know where to turn, or what to do with it. -when your mind is so consumed. you become like a drone in the rest of the worlds mundane movements.
when you would do anything to satisfy the needs, or heal the pain, or comfort a soul, when loving becomes more than you can handle. when emotional strife is an understatement. when longing becomes sleeplessness, when feeling becomes too hard... too much...
we move.slowly.
we ignore. we exist, we try to subsist. frivolities , meaninglessness. sleeplessness.
it will haunt you. dont ignore, give it a face. look in the mirror- who do I want to be? Give in.
too many times we are distracted. too often we forget the purpose., the consequences. each little step today, makes a huge mark tomorrow. one month . one year. 20 years.
Just ask yourself.
make noise, commotion if need be. have people talking. this is your life. your love. your passion.
Students Life....?
is there anyhting like a "student life".LoL i still cant digest the mistake made by mates in ECS class and added, i wonder the stupidity ofthe faculty dealing it.I was in obnubilation when my turn came:"What's there to view on a wrong topic" i said this to myself and went on to the dias,I was there exactly for 45 seconds on the dias where i dint mind what iam?.Thee is an other word 'influence' adding to the mistake in the title
SO here i go ,the title of the topic"The Student Life is Influenced by:Parents?,friends?,teachers?"
The views shared by mates ar not bad at the same wayi cant agree with the topic they are rolling on!!.
Life:the roller coaster between the birth and death.Yeah!,Thers only one life for a man thats too easy to partition .It includes childhood,teenage,adult,senior citizen combinely called as Life.During this proces of living You are a STUDENT thorugh out your Life:YOu learn to eat,drink,walk,run and everything. its all the factor of learn ...learn... learn...so it is little goosy and completely flawed aspect.Its our adaptivity to refer a person who's in school, Kollege and university as student but don't you think it is wrong to extremity.
The persons of age from 1-15 is preliminary learners and after that the kollege Goers and then lively hood earners.
this is the fact...got it folks?
SO here i go ,the title of the topic"The Student Life is Influenced by:Parents?,friends?,teachers?"
The views shared by mates ar not bad at the same wayi cant agree with the topic they are rolling on!!.
Life:the roller coaster between the birth and death.Yeah!,Thers only one life for a man thats too easy to partition .It includes childhood,teenage,adult,senior citizen combinely called as Life.During this proces of living You are a STUDENT thorugh out your Life:YOu learn to eat,drink,walk,run and everything. its all the factor of learn ...learn... learn...so it is little goosy and completely flawed aspect.Its our adaptivity to refer a person who's in school, Kollege and university as student but don't you think it is wrong to extremity.
The persons of age from 1-15 is preliminary learners and after that the kollege Goers and then lively hood earners.
this is the fact...got it folks?
Closer to Fine
So first,lemme tell you why i started blogging again..
I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life after all...
I can’t really say more than that. That’s what I’ve gotten – tons of insight, advice, ways to take life less seriously. I’ve made some great friends – people I may or may not ever see, but people who I’ve gotten to know through words and things we’ve all published. Similar experiences that bonded us and showed me that I wasn’t alone in some of the stuff I was going through.
I’ll miss being here – laughing at things that could only happen to Naveen; finding out that if everyone has a clone in the world, mine is probably .....; marveling at Shadiq's adventures from a previous life; Indhu's openness and deep caring for people; the incredibly odd and yet laugh out loud HI-larity of Arun and Munna; the tugging attitude and totally kind heart of Jenn; Stinky naughty Manoj(IT Poriki) and lotta (kinda i cant mention the names always),Anyway.
I’ve had some real life adventures with some of you – from beers and all the book recommendations that we’ve shared as fellow word nerds and chatting about nothing and everything.
So after a little time of sharing (and probably oversharing), it’s time to let go. I let go off the present work im in which I hate and more time on my hands than I knew what to do with career I love. I've seen the losers aswell the achievers,the helpers aswell the eschews of the persons who i care.i I have this as an outlet now(lol).
After this final year of Education!!!! ?,I might be back, I might not. I might be around the blogiverse, I might not. You guys know how to find me if you want to – so if you want to, well, I hope you do.
In the meantime, thanks for everything, and most of all, thanks for being with me. Thanks for bringing me closer to fine.
I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life after all...
I can’t really say more than that. That’s what I’ve gotten – tons of insight, advice, ways to take life less seriously. I’ve made some great friends – people I may or may not ever see, but people who I’ve gotten to know through words and things we’ve all published. Similar experiences that bonded us and showed me that I wasn’t alone in some of the stuff I was going through.
I’ll miss being here – laughing at things that could only happen to Naveen; finding out that if everyone has a clone in the world, mine is probably .....; marveling at Shadiq's adventures from a previous life; Indhu's openness and deep caring for people; the incredibly odd and yet laugh out loud HI-larity of Arun and Munna; the tugging attitude and totally kind heart of Jenn; Stinky naughty Manoj(IT Poriki) and lotta (kinda i cant mention the names always),Anyway.
I’ve had some real life adventures with some of you – from beers and all the book recommendations that we’ve shared as fellow word nerds and chatting about nothing and everything.
So after a little time of sharing (and probably oversharing), it’s time to let go. I let go off the present work im in which I hate and more time on my hands than I knew what to do with career I love. I've seen the losers aswell the achievers,the helpers aswell the eschews of the persons who i care.i I have this as an outlet now(lol).
After this final year of Education!!!! ?,I might be back, I might not. I might be around the blogiverse, I might not. You guys know how to find me if you want to – so if you want to, well, I hope you do.
In the meantime, thanks for everything, and most of all, thanks for being with me. Thanks for bringing me closer to fine.
?.............?
When I try my best I dont succeed
When i get what i want but not what i need
When I feel so tired but i can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down my face
When i lose something i can't replace
When i love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide me home
And ignite my bones
And can Yo l try to fix me ?
And high up above or down below
When Im too in love to let it go
But if I never try I never know
Just what my worth.
When i get what i want but not what i need
When I feel so tired but i can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down my face
When i lose something i can't replace
When i love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide me home
And ignite my bones
And can Yo l try to fix me ?
And high up above or down below
When Im too in love to let it go
But if I never try I never know
Just what my worth.
WoRkInG FoR It
Here's a semi-related follow up question:
I understand that a relationship takes work. It's not always going to be about "happiness". Love is deeper, takes commitment, compromise etc. In other words, sometimes you're going to be miserable, but you have to trust that you made the right long-term decision that this person was worth it, and struggle through.
But to what extent is that true in the beginning of a relationship? Obviously you shouldn't commit to a relationship with somebody who makes you miserable, even sometimes. But on the other hand, you can't expect to be in love with the person right off the bat either. In the beginning, it's much more shallow, so I think it's legitimate to ask how "happy" you are to be around this person.
Here's the scenario: I met a guy last night I really like. Have liked him for years. And I think, in the long term, we'd be quite compatible. He's somebody I could potentially see being worth it to struggle through some hard times with.
However, in the short term, I have already ceased to feel that giddy happiness to be around him all the time. In some cases, I'd even rather hang out with one friend or another than with him. And that concerns me. If somebody is the right one for a relationship, shouldn't I still be in that ecstatic crush stage? I definitely was, with him, when I met him years ago. And then I was, again, when we re-united about 2 years ago. I still liked him and wanted to pursue him even after it wore off. I still like him and want to pursue him now. But sometimes I find myself thinking "Meh, I'm going to pretend I had a prior commitment so I can hang out with X friend instead."
So, have I reached the "compromise" stage too early? Am I asking myself to WORK for a relationship earlier than I should? Shouldn't it still be natural and easy at this point? Or is it legitimate to have friends that make me "happier" on a shallow, short term basis, and still work for a relationship with somebody else? Or maybe is it that I'm kidding myself, and despite having patiently pursued him for 3 years, I don't really like him that much?
Lost in Life...?
A fading hope and a broken dream
Is all there is for me
It's all there was and will ever be
And I keep falling further down
I lost in this life, yeah it's I
I've been living a lie
Time keeps passing me by, but i can't deny
I've been lost all the time
There's no way to cope for these wasted years
Nor for these long lost tears
I'm giving in to all my fears
As I keep falling further down
TeRmInAtOr AgAiN.....
I saw a screening of Terminator: Salvation today. My friends anvesh and naveen were able to get tickets and join me, which was nice. I arrived at the theater at 3:50 for the 7:00 start time, and was 89th in line in Mayajal multiplex.
Now for the movie: I really liked it! I had just a few misgivings going in, as I wasn't really a fan of Terminator 3; I think it had lost its way after the second movie. I also couldn't get into the TV series , although my friend aarunya likes it so much, I'll probably check out the Blu-Ray's and see if I like it better.
This movie is set completely in the year 2018. No time travel, although there are the expected references to John Connor prophecy and a glimpse of the famous photograph of Sarah Connor when played by Linda Hamilton. In this movie, as I'm sure you're aware by now, John Connor is played by Batman himself, Christian Bale. I thought he did an excellent job. When this movie takes place, John is the leader of his cell in the Resistance against the Machines, although he has to take orders from the head honcho, General Ashdown, played by a personal favorite of mine, Michael Ironside.
His father, who, through the wonders of time travel is much younger than John, is played by Anton Yelchin, who also was just seen as Pavel Chekov in Star Trek. His character, Kyle Reese, is hoping to join the actual Resistance, but for now, just leads his two-person team in defending Los Angeles. That is, until he meets Marcus Wright (well!!.i dont remember his actual name), a stranger who shows up and starts kicking machine .
The lighting of the movie made everything look very bleak and desolate and lent itself nicely to the machine oppression of the humans. A couple of surprises near the end were very cool.
Now for the movie: I really liked it! I had just a few misgivings going in, as I wasn't really a fan of Terminator 3; I think it had lost its way after the second movie. I also couldn't get into the TV series , although my friend aarunya likes it so much, I'll probably check out the Blu-Ray's and see if I like it better.
This movie is set completely in the year 2018. No time travel, although there are the expected references to John Connor prophecy and a glimpse of the famous photograph of Sarah Connor when played by Linda Hamilton. In this movie, as I'm sure you're aware by now, John Connor is played by Batman himself, Christian Bale. I thought he did an excellent job. When this movie takes place, John is the leader of his cell in the Resistance against the Machines, although he has to take orders from the head honcho, General Ashdown, played by a personal favorite of mine, Michael Ironside.
His father, who, through the wonders of time travel is much younger than John, is played by Anton Yelchin, who also was just seen as Pavel Chekov in Star Trek. His character, Kyle Reese, is hoping to join the actual Resistance, but for now, just leads his two-person team in defending Los Angeles. That is, until he meets Marcus Wright (well!!.i dont remember his actual name), a stranger who shows up and starts kicking machine .
The lighting of the movie made everything look very bleak and desolate and lent itself nicely to the machine oppression of the humans. A couple of surprises near the end were very cool.
My SoUl
Stars are shinning in your eyes
And I begin to realise
That our path through times unbroken
Do you know what it's like
When a mirror never lies
And the truth remands unspoken
And we dance into the fire
'Cause our spirits take us higher
Do you feel me now
Burning like a flame
If you touch me
I may disappear
Floating through your eyes
How do we resist
The gravity of love
In the symphony of life
There's a place I've never been
Where there's angels gathering
and they talk about the future
When the simple things in life
Can do more to satisfy
Let the wisdom be my teacher
You can have all that you desire
But it may not take you higher
Do you feel me now
I HaTe ......MySeLf
hate my body, I hate my life, I hate my career, I have no will power, I’m awful, I’m a bad person, I can’t keep a promise, I suck at life, how did I get here, why can’t I stop, why can’t I do what I should do, why do I keep failing. Have you ever said that to yourself? Have you ever hated yourself? I have. It was a hobby of mine, finding all the ways in which I’m bad. Looking at all the things I’ve failed at. Going over in detail all the stupid memories of all the times I have ever failed. Trying to think of things I could have done differently and then beating myself up for not doing them back then. I blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong with my life and I hated myself for it. I was 50% right.
I am responsible for everything that happens in my life. Note that I am not saying I am to BLAME for everything that happens in my life, only that I am responsible for it. Blame means that it’s my fault, that I did something wrong but there are many things that can happen to me that are not my fault. There are many things that i am not in control of. However, even if I am not to blame, I am still responsible. It is my life, my responsibility. I may not have caused the issue but it’s in my life and I am now responsible for my actions. That’s the difference between blame and responsibility. Blame is focused on the past, it’s trying to find someone to accuse. Responsibility is focused on the future, it’s trying to find way to solve the issue. So my first lesson was all about responsibility.
I needed to take responsibility for my life and stop taking blame. That was an eye opening experience even though the change is subtle. Rather than telling myself “How could you have let this happen?” I was telling myself “How am I going to deal with this now that it happened?” Note that I am not trying to shift blame. I am not trying to say that someone else is responsible. In fact, I took responsibility for more things than I would blame myself for. In the past I would tend to blame others for many of the things that happened to me. That stopped. Instead, I took responsibility for everything in my life. It was all my responsibility and I was the in charge of changing it if I really cared about it.
The next thing I needed to learn was how to love and accept rather than hate and reject myself. Let’s use my body as an example. I hated myself for the way I looked. I was fat and out of shape. I had never met a food I didn’t like and I couldn’t control my impulse to keep eating. I blamed myself, I blamed my environment and I blamed my friends and family. I also hated myself for it and disliked how out of control I was. However, as I slowly started to shift from blame to responsibility, I also started shifting from hate to love. I didn’t hate myself any longer and wanted to lose weight because of it. I loved myself and I wanted to lose weight because of it. Becoming healthier became an expressions of how much I loved myself and wanted to improve rather than how much I hated myself and want to change.
I found myself in a similar situation recently, after my fight on a stupid issue with my friend. For those of you who have never been through such an experience, I highly recommend avoiding it. I lost friend I love and I hated myself for it. I blamed everyone and everything and I hated who I was and what I had become. It was hard to change from that but I slowly started to make the same distinctions I had before. Yes, I had lost her, but rather than blaming myself, her, my friends, my family or anyone else involved, I took responsibility and determined to change what my life had become. I couldn’t get her back, so can i find a new one of same way i want(ironical ,right?).Rather than hating myself for what I had done and consider myself a hopeless loser undeserving of love, I began to love myself again. Rather than vowing to change because I hated myself, I started thinking of change as an act of love, a way of making myself happier, rather than making myself less lonely. It’s a subtle difference but one that has a lot of impact.
Think about this for a second. What motivates you more? “I want to do this because I hate the current situation” or “I want to do this because I love myself and this will make me happy.” For me, the second choice is much better. It motivates me. It allows me to see a better future and that gives me hope. It shows me who I could be rather than who I don’t want to be. It gives me a glimpse into how wonderful my life could be rather than fixating me on the bad aspects of my life right now.
I know that hate sounds like good motivation but it really isn’t. Hate doesn’t drive you towards what makes you happy, it just drives you away from the thing you hate. That might work, sometimes, but it’s much better to focus on the origin rather than the cause. Hate also puts a lot of stress on you and your emotions. You cannot really be happy while you hate yourself. You cannot achieve happiness when all you focus on is the hate. At some point, you need to let go of that or, better yet, turn it into love. Start appreciating yourself for who you are and for who you can be.
I don't know. This is already too long and I'm hurting my head.
I am responsible for everything that happens in my life. Note that I am not saying I am to BLAME for everything that happens in my life, only that I am responsible for it. Blame means that it’s my fault, that I did something wrong but there are many things that can happen to me that are not my fault. There are many things that i am not in control of. However, even if I am not to blame, I am still responsible. It is my life, my responsibility. I may not have caused the issue but it’s in my life and I am now responsible for my actions. That’s the difference between blame and responsibility. Blame is focused on the past, it’s trying to find someone to accuse. Responsibility is focused on the future, it’s trying to find way to solve the issue. So my first lesson was all about responsibility.
I needed to take responsibility for my life and stop taking blame. That was an eye opening experience even though the change is subtle. Rather than telling myself “How could you have let this happen?” I was telling myself “How am I going to deal with this now that it happened?” Note that I am not trying to shift blame. I am not trying to say that someone else is responsible. In fact, I took responsibility for more things than I would blame myself for. In the past I would tend to blame others for many of the things that happened to me. That stopped. Instead, I took responsibility for everything in my life. It was all my responsibility and I was the in charge of changing it if I really cared about it.
The next thing I needed to learn was how to love and accept rather than hate and reject myself. Let’s use my body as an example. I hated myself for the way I looked. I was fat and out of shape. I had never met a food I didn’t like and I couldn’t control my impulse to keep eating. I blamed myself, I blamed my environment and I blamed my friends and family. I also hated myself for it and disliked how out of control I was. However, as I slowly started to shift from blame to responsibility, I also started shifting from hate to love. I didn’t hate myself any longer and wanted to lose weight because of it. I loved myself and I wanted to lose weight because of it. Becoming healthier became an expressions of how much I loved myself and wanted to improve rather than how much I hated myself and want to change.
I found myself in a similar situation recently, after my fight on a stupid issue with my friend. For those of you who have never been through such an experience, I highly recommend avoiding it. I lost friend I love and I hated myself for it. I blamed everyone and everything and I hated who I was and what I had become. It was hard to change from that but I slowly started to make the same distinctions I had before. Yes, I had lost her, but rather than blaming myself, her, my friends, my family or anyone else involved, I took responsibility and determined to change what my life had become. I couldn’t get her back, so can i find a new one of same way i want(ironical ,right?).Rather than hating myself for what I had done and consider myself a hopeless loser undeserving of love, I began to love myself again. Rather than vowing to change because I hated myself, I started thinking of change as an act of love, a way of making myself happier, rather than making myself less lonely. It’s a subtle difference but one that has a lot of impact.
Think about this for a second. What motivates you more? “I want to do this because I hate the current situation” or “I want to do this because I love myself and this will make me happy.” For me, the second choice is much better. It motivates me. It allows me to see a better future and that gives me hope. It shows me who I could be rather than who I don’t want to be. It gives me a glimpse into how wonderful my life could be rather than fixating me on the bad aspects of my life right now.
I know that hate sounds like good motivation but it really isn’t. Hate doesn’t drive you towards what makes you happy, it just drives you away from the thing you hate. That might work, sometimes, but it’s much better to focus on the origin rather than the cause. Hate also puts a lot of stress on you and your emotions. You cannot really be happy while you hate yourself. You cannot achieve happiness when all you focus on is the hate. At some point, you need to let go of that or, better yet, turn it into love. Start appreciating yourself for who you are and for who you can be.
I don't know. This is already too long and I'm hurting my head.
ThE FaMe Of WhAt Is BaD?
As a freshman in school conformity was highly important. At the time I was unaware that I was conforming to peer pressure, I was sure that I was just doing what I wanted to do. The music I listened to, the clothes I chose to wear, those were my choices. Today, of course, I know that I was simply fitting in, being part of the group, seeking acceptance.
There were four couples in the crowd I ran with. We were all steadies. haritha, Indhu ,naveen and I would not have been caught at school wearing anything but Levi's. The most important feature of the Levi's was the roll on the leg. It took a long time to roll each leg in a very tiny fold. You had to have your shirt collar turned up and never would we have forgotten to roll our short sleeves up-very carefully.
Another rage was polished cotton slacks. Particularly, black in color with a tiny belt at the center of the back. (What was that for?) And v-neck sweaters were quite popular.
Indhu, Haritha and glory conformed with mid-calf skirts with lots of petty coats. Saddle oxfords and heavy white bobby socks completed their attire
The six of us had a lot of fun together that year. If there wasn't an event to attend or a holiday in the month (January is a real drag), we created a special occasion so that we could have a party. Most of the parties took place at haritha's flat--she was my steady girl. For these parties we had matching outfits. They boys wore their black polished slacks with white shirts under our red v-neck sweaters. The girls dressed identically with the exception of their black polished cotton skirts.
We conformed, but we said it was "our idea." We had a lot of fun. After our freshman year we went our separate ways. But in our junior year and again as senior we all went to the Prom together. We stayed until midnight our junior year. We had heard that a new restaurant in adyar was open very late and was serving Italian food. Some in the group had heard that they had pizza. I did not even know what pizza was. Was it delicious that first time I had it! That mozzarella cheese was strange. I'd never tasted it before.
We left the prom early our senior year and i went my way to schooling in chittoor. It was a cold night with fog covering ans it was quite impossible to ask the driver to handle the car. With six of us packed in my parent's 56 Mercury it soon became impossible to view the movie. It didn't matter, there was lost of joking and laughter. I believe we all understood that this was the last time we would be together. It was our final opportunity to recall the incidants, the good times, the learning together. We would someday reflect on cold play music, on Rick Nelson's and the innocence of his youth.
The tragic direction that their lives would take and their deaths were unknown to us at that time.You knoe who?
Conformists? Yes we were(not to put pseud folks!!). Why? We learn to conform in order to protect ourselves. To stand with your own opinion can be a frightening thing-downright dangerous at times. In a positive sense, we must conform in order to accomplish things for the good of all. There's nothing wrong in that. It is necessary. Therefore, peer pressure is good for it teaches us to become discerning individuals. It sharpens our skills in discrimination. We become better at evaluating situations. We lean to make decisions. So from a positive viewpoint peer pressure in school should have a beneficial outcome.
For some, however, those who fail to see its benefits, it has negative consequences. They become sheep, they learn to simply follow the crowd(no exception in my case for choosing the gtaduate course). They become afraid to act on their own. They become afraid of having any opinion except that expressed by others. They have failed to understand that those things which we did like everyone else in school, were not always the best things to do, that the other person does not always have the right opinion.
Recently while reading I came across a passage that reminded me of the importance of drawing conclusions from my experiences, of the importance of deciding what I should thing and do based upon my decisions-decisions made after I carefully discerned all the information. In Arthur Schopenhauer's second volume of The World as Will and Representation he meant that
Ordinary minds show, even in the smallest affairs, a want of confidence in their own judgment, just because they know from experience that it is of no use to them. With them prejudice and following the judgment of others take its place. In this way they are kept in a state of permanent nonage (immaturity), from which scarcely one in many hundreds is free from bondage. Naturally this is not acknowledged, for even to themselves they seem to judge; yet all the time they are casting glance(hidden motives) at the opinion of others,
As adults we must put aside our childish ways. We must evaluate the statements of others. We must become discerning individuals. we shld follow "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
hmmm....sorry if you felt bored and bemused
There were four couples in the crowd I ran with. We were all steadies. haritha, Indhu ,naveen and I would not have been caught at school wearing anything but Levi's. The most important feature of the Levi's was the roll on the leg. It took a long time to roll each leg in a very tiny fold. You had to have your shirt collar turned up and never would we have forgotten to roll our short sleeves up-very carefully.
Another rage was polished cotton slacks. Particularly, black in color with a tiny belt at the center of the back. (What was that for?) And v-neck sweaters were quite popular.
Indhu, Haritha and glory conformed with mid-calf skirts with lots of petty coats. Saddle oxfords and heavy white bobby socks completed their attire
The six of us had a lot of fun together that year. If there wasn't an event to attend or a holiday in the month (January is a real drag), we created a special occasion so that we could have a party. Most of the parties took place at haritha's flat--she was my steady girl. For these parties we had matching outfits. They boys wore their black polished slacks with white shirts under our red v-neck sweaters. The girls dressed identically with the exception of their black polished cotton skirts.
We conformed, but we said it was "our idea." We had a lot of fun. After our freshman year we went our separate ways. But in our junior year and again as senior we all went to the Prom together. We stayed until midnight our junior year. We had heard that a new restaurant in adyar was open very late and was serving Italian food. Some in the group had heard that they had pizza. I did not even know what pizza was. Was it delicious that first time I had it! That mozzarella cheese was strange. I'd never tasted it before.
We left the prom early our senior year and i went my way to schooling in chittoor. It was a cold night with fog covering ans it was quite impossible to ask the driver to handle the car. With six of us packed in my parent's 56 Mercury it soon became impossible to view the movie. It didn't matter, there was lost of joking and laughter. I believe we all understood that this was the last time we would be together. It was our final opportunity to recall the incidants, the good times, the learning together. We would someday reflect on cold play music, on Rick Nelson's and the innocence of his youth.
The tragic direction that their lives would take and their deaths were unknown to us at that time.You knoe who?
Conformists? Yes we were(not to put pseud folks!!). Why? We learn to conform in order to protect ourselves. To stand with your own opinion can be a frightening thing-downright dangerous at times. In a positive sense, we must conform in order to accomplish things for the good of all. There's nothing wrong in that. It is necessary. Therefore, peer pressure is good for it teaches us to become discerning individuals. It sharpens our skills in discrimination. We become better at evaluating situations. We lean to make decisions. So from a positive viewpoint peer pressure in school should have a beneficial outcome.
For some, however, those who fail to see its benefits, it has negative consequences. They become sheep, they learn to simply follow the crowd(no exception in my case for choosing the gtaduate course). They become afraid to act on their own. They become afraid of having any opinion except that expressed by others. They have failed to understand that those things which we did like everyone else in school, were not always the best things to do, that the other person does not always have the right opinion.
Recently while reading I came across a passage that reminded me of the importance of drawing conclusions from my experiences, of the importance of deciding what I should thing and do based upon my decisions-decisions made after I carefully discerned all the information. In Arthur Schopenhauer's second volume of The World as Will and Representation he meant that
Ordinary minds show, even in the smallest affairs, a want of confidence in their own judgment, just because they know from experience that it is of no use to them. With them prejudice and following the judgment of others take its place. In this way they are kept in a state of permanent nonage (immaturity), from which scarcely one in many hundreds is free from bondage. Naturally this is not acknowledged, for even to themselves they seem to judge; yet all the time they are casting glance(hidden motives) at the opinion of others,
As adults we must put aside our childish ways. We must evaluate the statements of others. We must become discerning individuals. we shld follow "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
hmmm....sorry if you felt bored and bemused
DiMnIsHiNg....
Ascending I look down upon the lucid dream I leave behind the division of thought that evolved two suns echoing throughout all world fragments of life.
Separation of being from flesh I transcend back to thought.
The origin of all, Subconsciousness...
Ancient memories Re-emerge
To be lost again, to discover that I am Self
To see behind the shadows of illusion from within the earths.
I touch the heavens reflecting opposite thought
They speak to me, words of vast illusions, the inner and outer worlds, all mirroring creation
Containing all in existence, infinite worlds of relative energies
Intricate balance of oppositions, repeating patterns of complex detail
And self variation
Infinitely
And I am the essence
Engulfed in the light
Universe through unity, all memories diminished.
A QuIvEr FuLl oF aRrOwS
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. True. But very few people realize that prolonged absence actually kills love. Love never dies a natural death. It diesof betrayals, neglect and of course isolation. But let me reiterate what absence really means. In my opinion it is merely not the lack of physical manifestation but rather the essence or substance. It likes being there but not really being there. It’s like saying things that you don’t actually mean. It’s like being with the person just for the heck of it without really meaning to be with that person. It’s like saying I love you to somebody and yet never failing to do hurtful things to that person. And that sucks.
With
regards to indhu, I find nourishment at the mere sight of her. But these days,somehow, it’s not just quite enough. I don’t understand why i talk toher 30 minutes for each day, I don’t understand why she needs to have a curfew, I don’t understand why we can only share the views at particular means of time,message counter never tallies with the actual registered sent and received messages. Something’s wrong here and I don’t have to be a freakin’ rocket scientist to know that. The bottom line is I just want to know "what's wrong with her!!,Is early marriage panics her?.still',i dont understand her tears.
I can’t help but wonder that maybe I’m the only one who’s in deep love in this relationship.Maybe she doesn’t really show his problem Or maybe she’s feeling t that she has grown tired of me and that she wants out and I’m just being stubborn to realize it. It grieves me to be so near and yet so far from you gal!!. Every moment you are that way is like an arrow through my weary heart. And it’s a quiver full of arrow. Stop the hell and try to ease me
LeArNiNg To LiVe WiThOuT LoVe
Fairy tales and starlit skies
Once danced in my heart and in my eyes
But all my love has turned to cries
I'm learning to live without love I realize
No holding hands. No times spent with one
Who understands
Heart breaks again, I'm not the one
Lately love is on the run
Everything is broken or undone
I don't want someone to sympathize
I don't want to hear more lies
I just want someone who loves me for me
Isn't the way things were supposed to be
I thought somehow she would find me
Moonbeams shine across the sky
Here alone in my room amidst my sighs
I pray to God and ask him why
I'm learning to live without love I realize
What happened to my simple dreams
Life has broken at the seams
I can't bear any more goodbyes
I'm learning to live without love I realize
I look up one more time upon the skies
I'm learning to live without love I realize
Once danced in my heart and in my eyes
But all my love has turned to cries
I'm learning to live without love I realize
No holding hands. No times spent with one
Who understands
Heart breaks again, I'm not the one
Lately love is on the run
Everything is broken or undone
I don't want someone to sympathize
I don't want to hear more lies
I just want someone who loves me for me
Isn't the way things were supposed to be
I thought somehow she would find me
Moonbeams shine across the sky
Here alone in my room amidst my sighs
I pray to God and ask him why
I'm learning to live without love I realize
What happened to my simple dreams
Life has broken at the seams
I can't bear any more goodbyes
I'm learning to live without love I realize
I look up one more time upon the skies
I'm learning to live without love I realize
Do YoU HaVe PeAcE ,EvEnThOuGh It FeEls LiKe ChAoS?
How many times we hear without truly listening? I was wondering abouth this (in "") always "Whatever you’re doing inside of me it feels like chaos somehow there’s peace”. There are some moments in life that we really do not understand all the chaos we are living in, or how our life is in such a chaos. Everything is like coming one after another without giving you the chance to breathe properly. A misunderstanding with a friend, family discussions, falling from a step while doing your job, heavy migraines. Sometimes nothing seems to make any sense. In this walk of faith ,I learned that I do not have to understand everything that happens to me. I have to just believe and trust in the one that promised in midst of these life storms.
Eventhough I cannot explain it, it feels like chaos but somehow there is peace, and this peace comes only from myself flows through yourself.
Do you have peace, eventhough it feels like chaos?
It’s time for healing time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender…
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly
Eventhough I cannot explain it, it feels like chaos but somehow there is peace, and this peace comes only from myself flows through yourself.
Do you have peace, eventhough it feels like chaos?
It’s time for healing time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender…
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly
LiFe
Well it is our birth right to be discontented
Don't tell us that the world is lemon scented
You say you've had it much harder
Tell me exactly how
No it doesn't have to be so complicated
Not every little thing has become outdated
But we don't have to leave our chair
To go anywhere
Life will be the death of me
Sitting in between four walls
Life will be the death of me
There's no reason to leave at all
We just don't need this weighty pressure
I'm sure you must think it's for the better
But listen Folks whatever it is
I'm sure it's no big deal
So let's try to look from a wider angle
And please let's not fly off the handle
I know I can ensure you that
We haven't partied hard enough
Life will be the death of me
Sitting in between four walls
Life will be the death of me
There's no reason to leave at all
Don't tell us that the world is lemon scented
You say you've had it much harder
Tell me exactly how
No it doesn't have to be so complicated
Not every little thing has become outdated
But we don't have to leave our chair
To go anywhere
Life will be the death of me
Sitting in between four walls
Life will be the death of me
There's no reason to leave at all
We just don't need this weighty pressure
I'm sure you must think it's for the better
But listen Folks whatever it is
I'm sure it's no big deal
So let's try to look from a wider angle
And please let's not fly off the handle
I know I can ensure you that
We haven't partied hard enough
Life will be the death of me
Sitting in between four walls
Life will be the death of me
There's no reason to leave at all
It LeAdS To DeAtH
I feel the pain in my wrist
Sorry for the ones I will miss
Why couldn't you just leave me be
But you broke my heart and left me
Have you no compassion
Leaving me in that ugly fashion
I'm sorry I didn't see it before
But I can't take the pain anymore
How could I see past the lies
I coudn't see it in your eyes
I guess I was blind
Lose in a good time
But now it's too late
I've decided my fate
I miss you
If you wanted to know
But nothing can change what I've done
I've seen my last setting sun
The memories are fading from my mind
The pain is harsh and so unkind
The time I wasted
Is nothing to the tears I've tasted
I take my last breath
As it leads to death
Sorry for the ones I will miss
Why couldn't you just leave me be
But you broke my heart and left me
Have you no compassion
Leaving me in that ugly fashion
I'm sorry I didn't see it before
But I can't take the pain anymore
How could I see past the lies
I coudn't see it in your eyes
I guess I was blind
Lose in a good time
But now it's too late
I've decided my fate
I miss you
If you wanted to know
But nothing can change what I've done
I've seen my last setting sun
The memories are fading from my mind
The pain is harsh and so unkind
The time I wasted
Is nothing to the tears I've tasted
I take my last breath
As it leads to death
CoMpArIsIoN...
The more I let go of comparing myself to others, the better I feel.
By letting go of the tendency to compare myself unrealistically to others, I equip myself for greater happiness and productivity.
Everyone's journey is different. The point a person is at in their pursuit of their goals means nothing if I don't consider where they started and all the factors that have played into their progress. Even if I do consider all of this, I only know my version of their story, which may or may not be true in reality.
Some people will appear to be ahead of me, and some behind. Everyone progresses at their own rate, in their own time, and are affected by many different factors.
I let go of the desire to place myself on a scale with others and, instead, look at how far I have come as the only accurate measure of my progress.
Not only will I be at a different point in the journey from anyone else, I may even be on a completely different road! I am equipped for the unique journey the universe has intended for me.
I let go of the need to pine after someone else's talents or successes and focus instead on recognizing and developing my own. I free myself from the expectation to be something I was not equipped to be.
I wouldn't put a cat in a pasture and expect her to herd sheep! It doesn't suit her, and it would be a complete waste of my time to try to train her to do something so foreign to her nature.
In the same way, I strive to discover my own talents and develop those skills, recognizing that no one excels at everything. I excel the most when I accept who I am and strive to develop my full potential.
By letting go of the tendency to compare myself unrealistically to others, I equip myself for greater happiness and productivity.
Everyone's journey is different. The point a person is at in their pursuit of their goals means nothing if I don't consider where they started and all the factors that have played into their progress. Even if I do consider all of this, I only know my version of their story, which may or may not be true in reality.
Some people will appear to be ahead of me, and some behind. Everyone progresses at their own rate, in their own time, and are affected by many different factors.
I let go of the desire to place myself on a scale with others and, instead, look at how far I have come as the only accurate measure of my progress.
Not only will I be at a different point in the journey from anyone else, I may even be on a completely different road! I am equipped for the unique journey the universe has intended for me.
I let go of the need to pine after someone else's talents or successes and focus instead on recognizing and developing my own. I free myself from the expectation to be something I was not equipped to be.
I wouldn't put a cat in a pasture and expect her to herd sheep! It doesn't suit her, and it would be a complete waste of my time to try to train her to do something so foreign to her nature.
In the same way, I strive to discover my own talents and develop those skills, recognizing that no one excels at everything. I excel the most when I accept who I am and strive to develop my full potential.
Smoke Boy
You tend to hide your emotions. You are at a very low point in life. You almost seem to not want to go on anymore, to fade away into smoke, not exist. You feel alone in life. You feel as if nobody could ever understand you. But there is only one thing that you cling to in life: You want to belong, but you dont want to change. You want to be around people you want to have a reason to go on. You are sometimes envious of other people's seemingly perfect lives. If you want to have a seemingly perfect life, then you should start hanging around warm sunlike people, or friendly earthlike people, or tell your problems to an quiet listener moon person. And you always have a speck of hope inside of you. Even if you feel all hope is lost, hope is hard to fully kill. so nurture and try to see life through different eyes, and maybe it'll be a brighter world.
My Happiness, Success and Well-being only comes from one person...and that is me.
I now realize that my happiness, success and well-being only comes from one person...and that is me.
By not seeking approval outside myself, I now realize that I already have it. I am the source of my own approval. I am that which I seek.
I, alone, determine my worth and I allow others to determine their own worth.
I am willing to release the need to gain approval from others, even those in positions of authority. I choose not to manipulate their perception of me and allow myself to be who I truly am in their presence.
Anxiously focusing on others' approval or disapproval allows me only to be absent from myself. I choose to be present and honor my thoughts and feelings for the highest good of all involved.
I now define my own success. No one can give it to me, no one can take it from me.
I choose to look beyond ego in others and to become aware of the spirit in us that is constantly connected.
Today, I choose to listen to understand, instead of pretending to be interested in order to impress. I choose to be present for myself and for others.
By not seeking approval outside myself, I now realize that I already have it. I am the source of my own approval. I am that which I seek.
I, alone, determine my worth and I allow others to determine their own worth.
I am willing to release the need to gain approval from others, even those in positions of authority. I choose not to manipulate their perception of me and allow myself to be who I truly am in their presence.
Anxiously focusing on others' approval or disapproval allows me only to be absent from myself. I choose to be present and honor my thoughts and feelings for the highest good of all involved.
I now define my own success. No one can give it to me, no one can take it from me.
I choose to look beyond ego in others and to become aware of the spirit in us that is constantly connected.
Today, I choose to listen to understand, instead of pretending to be interested in order to impress. I choose to be present for myself and for others.
UnTuNe
I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head saying,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an up-hill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
*I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head saying,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an up-hill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
*I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
Lasting Time
Somebody hit my bike
As if I needed that right now.
And I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose. I could be wrong, of course, but talking to him afterward, I got the distinct impression that he thought that a hard-working pickup driving salt-of-the-earth kinda man should not have to share the road with a young guy in a [_____], and a little bump was just what I needed.
His bike was barely scratched. Judging by the 1600 bill the last time I got a few repairs done, the dents in mine are going to cost me a fortune. Maybe his (or my) insurance will pay for it, but it has already been a colossal hassle. I'm annoyed.
In other, much better, news,Friends planned for a GOa tour.thanks for them, but I can't afford it right now, but I really want to go. I have a couple trips within Madurai that I've been wanting to do (Kodaikanal at the top ) but I feel like those can be done more spur-of-the-moment when a great fare pops up, because the friends I want to see will always be there no matter when I go. I would only do broad if a friend asked me. I haven't taken a day off work , so I should probably do it.
Also, this friend would be AMAZING to travel with. He is one of those peoples who soaks up experiences and really appreciates life. He'd savor the food. He'd want to run up a hill and spread out his arms and sing. they'd want to explore the little alleys and visit the local shops where the owner only speaks tamil. He's never been outta chennai , so it would be wonderful to see KK through his fresh eyes.
As if I needed that right now.
And I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose. I could be wrong, of course, but talking to him afterward, I got the distinct impression that he thought that a hard-working pickup driving salt-of-the-earth kinda man should not have to share the road with a young guy in a [_____], and a little bump was just what I needed.
His bike was barely scratched. Judging by the 1600 bill the last time I got a few repairs done, the dents in mine are going to cost me a fortune. Maybe his (or my) insurance will pay for it, but it has already been a colossal hassle. I'm annoyed.
In other, much better, news,Friends planned for a GOa tour.thanks for them, but I can't afford it right now, but I really want to go. I have a couple trips within Madurai that I've been wanting to do (Kodaikanal at the top ) but I feel like those can be done more spur-of-the-moment when a great fare pops up, because the friends I want to see will always be there no matter when I go. I would only do broad if a friend asked me. I haven't taken a day off work , so I should probably do it.
Also, this friend would be AMAZING to travel with. He is one of those peoples who soaks up experiences and really appreciates life. He'd savor the food. He'd want to run up a hill and spread out his arms and sing. they'd want to explore the little alleys and visit the local shops where the owner only speaks tamil. He's never been outta chennai , so it would be wonderful to see KK through his fresh eyes.
Setting Boundaries
“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.”
No one likes to be told what to do. That’s just a plain and simple fact. Our egos bristle at it. Our minds resist it. So when someone draws a line in the sand sending the message, “you may not cross this line”, there is a small part of us that says, “Oh, is that so?” That’s what makes establishing boundaries feel like a frustrating power struggle. But what if there was a more effective way to establish healthy boundaries? Establishing boundaries are more for setting a standard for what works and what doesn’t work in your personal universe. When a person says or does something to violate your standards for healthy interaction, you learn about them. That is their behavior. They teach you, “this is how I treat you and this is how you can treat me.” And when they do that behavior again and it is tolerated, you have set the standard. You have basically done it to yourself.
If someone says or does something that doesn’t feel right or isn’t what you define as healthy, it is more effective to set the boundary for yourself regarding whether or not you will allow it in your life again. This provides you the opportunity to ask yourself some tough questions such as, “If this person behaves in this manner again, what will my response be? Can I remove myself from the situation? Would I be willing to distance myself from that person while they engage in that behavior?” There is the option to ask the person to stop their behavior. Remember, however, that this gives them the opportunity to answer either way. They can say yes, or they can say no. How will you respond if they say no? What about if they say yes, but then do it again anyway (saying no with their actions)? Aha! That’s the crux. Setting a boundary is only half of the equation. Honoring the boundary is the other half. Who is more likely to honor your own boundary? You? Or them? Who do you have more control over, yourself or others? There is only one person you can effectively set boundaries for…and that is you.
“No matter how famous the victim, no matter how powerful the advocates, it simply isn't always possible to control the conduct of other people.”
No one likes to be told what to do. That’s just a plain and simple fact. Our egos bristle at it. Our minds resist it. So when someone draws a line in the sand sending the message, “you may not cross this line”, there is a small part of us that says, “Oh, is that so?” That’s what makes establishing boundaries feel like a frustrating power struggle. But what if there was a more effective way to establish healthy boundaries? Establishing boundaries are more for setting a standard for what works and what doesn’t work in your personal universe. When a person says or does something to violate your standards for healthy interaction, you learn about them. That is their behavior. They teach you, “this is how I treat you and this is how you can treat me.” And when they do that behavior again and it is tolerated, you have set the standard. You have basically done it to yourself.
If someone says or does something that doesn’t feel right or isn’t what you define as healthy, it is more effective to set the boundary for yourself regarding whether or not you will allow it in your life again. This provides you the opportunity to ask yourself some tough questions such as, “If this person behaves in this manner again, what will my response be? Can I remove myself from the situation? Would I be willing to distance myself from that person while they engage in that behavior?” There is the option to ask the person to stop their behavior. Remember, however, that this gives them the opportunity to answer either way. They can say yes, or they can say no. How will you respond if they say no? What about if they say yes, but then do it again anyway (saying no with their actions)? Aha! That’s the crux. Setting a boundary is only half of the equation. Honoring the boundary is the other half. Who is more likely to honor your own boundary? You? Or them? Who do you have more control over, yourself or others? There is only one person you can effectively set boundaries for…and that is you.
“No matter how famous the victim, no matter how powerful the advocates, it simply isn't always possible to control the conduct of other people.”
Great Affirmations for Releasing Limiting Beliefs
It is safe for me to release the imaginary constraints I have placed on my life.
The world is full of opportunity. I now realize that it is safe for me to examine each limiting belief my mind tries to sell me.
When I think back to my childhood, I realize that I once had a set of rules that worked for me. As I reached different ages, I outgrew certain rules.
There was once a time when I was not allowed to cross the street by myself. At a certain period in my life, this rule and others had value. But as I have grown older, I have let go of unnecessary restrictions.
Boundaries that were once useful to me may no longer be helpful in my current circumstances. As I encounter new stages of my life, I make changes to accommodate the wise and capable person I have become.
I no longer need to feel confined to certain limitations. In order to grow, I adjust my thinking and change the restrictions I once placed on myself.
Holding onto limiting beliefs does not serve me, so I am unafraid to shake off these restrictions. Releasing these constraints allows me a full spectrum of choices for my life.
I am liberated to move freely and reach out for bolder choices when I let go of unnecessary constraints. My unbound hands can embrace new truths and new goals.
When I release imaginary constraints, I can see that countless possibilities exist. Seeing a world of opportunity unlimited by constraints is thrilling.
There is comfort in my freedom. I am able to move forward with my life in any direction I choose. I am emboldened to live the life I only dreamt of before.
The world is full of opportunity. I now realize that it is safe for me to examine each limiting belief my mind tries to sell me.
When I think back to my childhood, I realize that I once had a set of rules that worked for me. As I reached different ages, I outgrew certain rules.
There was once a time when I was not allowed to cross the street by myself. At a certain period in my life, this rule and others had value. But as I have grown older, I have let go of unnecessary restrictions.
Boundaries that were once useful to me may no longer be helpful in my current circumstances. As I encounter new stages of my life, I make changes to accommodate the wise and capable person I have become.
I no longer need to feel confined to certain limitations. In order to grow, I adjust my thinking and change the restrictions I once placed on myself.
Holding onto limiting beliefs does not serve me, so I am unafraid to shake off these restrictions. Releasing these constraints allows me a full spectrum of choices for my life.
I am liberated to move freely and reach out for bolder choices when I let go of unnecessary constraints. My unbound hands can embrace new truths and new goals.
When I release imaginary constraints, I can see that countless possibilities exist. Seeing a world of opportunity unlimited by constraints is thrilling.
There is comfort in my freedom. I am able to move forward with my life in any direction I choose. I am emboldened to live the life I only dreamt of before.
WhY LoVe?
I AM in love, these are the beautiful words to hear, to say.. but is that true? Why we fall in love? Why suddenly a person is so important, so special in our life? Why we feel we just can’t live without him/her? Why this pain…? Why so much pain in love? Why?
Many of us can recognise the distressing symptoms that come with love. Falling in love may border on serious psychological disorder. But does it have to be that way? Is there an alternative to medication or therapy to ease the pain of love?
People go from one relationship to another, trying to avoid any deep involvement. Problems ge accumulate more in this process, much pain has to be gone through, so one simply plays safe; one makes it a point never to go too deeply into somebody. If one can involve deeply with somebody then one may get too entangled, and it will be difficult to escape; the pain may be much. So people learn how to play safe, hit and run love affairs. Before you can be caught... run.
This is what is happening in the modern world. People have become so childish. Maturity comes only when you are ready to face the pain, take the challenge. And to live peacefully and happily with another person is the greatest challenge in this world.
It is very easy to live peacefully alone but very difficult with somebody else because two totally different worlds meet and collide.
Alone, one person feel lonely, sad and often asking himself/herself “what is the meaning of life?”: because the poetry arises only when you are together with somebody. Life takes a meaning only when you are in love. One part of mind thinks “love somebody, be love by somebody.” Another part of mind says, “beware, because each relationship turns out to be a problem.” Alone there are no problems – only you are the problem, there is no other problem – but with the other person many problems arise. But one thing is sure if you avoid relationship, you remain immature and stuck.
When two people have fallen in love with each other, they drop their egos – at least for each other. They drop their hypocrisies, their masks. They want to be together, almost one soul within two bodies. That is desire of love and an alternative to medication or therapy to ease the pain of love…
GrEaT AfFiRmAtIoNs FoR EnDiNg NeEdLesS DrAmA
I walk away from unnecessary conflict.
When others try to engage me in unnecessary conflict, I simply walk away. I know better than to waste my time and energy trying to communicate with someone who just wants to argue.
If the other person honestly wants to listen, then I am open to sharing my views. But if the person simply wants to quarrel, I am not afraid to end our interaction.
I am free from the need to always be right and convince others of my point of view. I have enough self-respect and compassion to leave a pointless argument behind.
When I walk away from those types of situations, I keep my inner self intact. I do not give my power away by engaging in unnecessary drama. Part of being a great communicator is knowing when to speak and when to be silent.
I walk away from meaningless disagreements because I deserve to live a life free from drama and stress.
As I seek to enjoy a positive life, I gravitate toward healthy interactions and away from negativity; I do not entertain conflict because it is like a shower of negativity.
Each time I walk away from unnecessary conflict, I add value to myself. Others respect me because I uphold a high level of communication. Since they know I will not give them the satisfaction of a quarrel, they rarely try to engage me in conflict.
As a result of walking away from conflict, I live a peaceful life. My mental health is in great shape because I do not allow insignificant dramas to rattle me.
When others try to engage me in unnecessary conflict, I simply walk away. I know better than to waste my time and energy trying to communicate with someone who just wants to argue.
If the other person honestly wants to listen, then I am open to sharing my views. But if the person simply wants to quarrel, I am not afraid to end our interaction.
I am free from the need to always be right and convince others of my point of view. I have enough self-respect and compassion to leave a pointless argument behind.
When I walk away from those types of situations, I keep my inner self intact. I do not give my power away by engaging in unnecessary drama. Part of being a great communicator is knowing when to speak and when to be silent.
I walk away from meaningless disagreements because I deserve to live a life free from drama and stress.
As I seek to enjoy a positive life, I gravitate toward healthy interactions and away from negativity; I do not entertain conflict because it is like a shower of negativity.
Each time I walk away from unnecessary conflict, I add value to myself. Others respect me because I uphold a high level of communication. Since they know I will not give them the satisfaction of a quarrel, they rarely try to engage me in conflict.
As a result of walking away from conflict, I live a peaceful life. My mental health is in great shape because I do not allow insignificant dramas to rattle me.
TeArS AnD WhIsPeRs
Soft whispers and silent tears,
Gentle words to ease the fears,
Of anxious friends with drawn faces,
Too distraught for social graces.
Keeping vigil through the night,
With you losing your breathless fight.
Having battled through pain filled years,
Among soft whispers and silent tears.
Watching sadly your distress and pain,
Never to hear your laughter again,
As your hold on life disappears,
Among soft whispers and silent tears.
Your once bright eyes are slowly dimming,
While ours with tears are over brimming.
A little smile seems to cross your lips,
Free at last from your morphine sips.
And so you leave your Earthly base,
As you start your journey to that Heavenly place.
Though out of sight it quells our fears,
Calming our whispers and silent tears.
Gentle words to ease the fears,
Of anxious friends with drawn faces,
Too distraught for social graces.
Keeping vigil through the night,
With you losing your breathless fight.
Having battled through pain filled years,
Among soft whispers and silent tears.
Watching sadly your distress and pain,
Never to hear your laughter again,
As your hold on life disappears,
Among soft whispers and silent tears.
Your once bright eyes are slowly dimming,
While ours with tears are over brimming.
A little smile seems to cross your lips,
Free at last from your morphine sips.
And so you leave your Earthly base,
As you start your journey to that Heavenly place.
Though out of sight it quells our fears,
Calming our whispers and silent tears.
ReFlEcTiOn
Looking back at the lessons and tasks completed in the process of preparation for BEC, there were really a lot! Effective communication, process of job application, research report and presentation were the main parts that were covered ..
Previously, I took another module related to effective communication. I found that both modules are very similar initially as we learnt about how effective communication can be achieved. Doing things like understanding a matter from others' point of views, speaking in the correct tone and using the correct non-verbal language are what affect effective communication. The main difference between these two modules is that this module introduces blogging as part of the communication process. I find that it is very relevant as most of the people nowadays like to communicate in the virtual space, which definitely includes blogging. Furthermore, there were a few blog topics which spark some really good conversations online between the classmates. It was a good chance to know one another better and the class definitely bonded better!
Lastly, I am very glad to have a friend who does comment me for all my writings or atleast have time to checkout my fuss in this very blog, and all the very friendly classmates! Thanks all
KeEp On KeEpInG oN
PoIsOn Fruit. ...
Sinking my teeth
into delicate flesh,
breaking the rules,
the thrill is the best
the juices run quick
through my piercing teeth
trying to get to
the prize underneath
i collapse to the ground
i see nothing but black
i feel nothing but gentle
pushing on my back
dopey, and sleepy,
and happy, and doc
fail to realize
they are all out of luck
despite the warning
of the gal in black
i had to make the apple
my final snack
my prince never came
my dwarfs cried at my feet
but though the ending was sour
the apple was sweet
into delicate flesh,
breaking the rules,
the thrill is the best
the juices run quick
through my piercing teeth
trying to get to
the prize underneath
i collapse to the ground
i see nothing but black
i feel nothing but gentle
pushing on my back
dopey, and sleepy,
and happy, and doc
fail to realize
they are all out of luck
despite the warning
of the gal in black
i had to make the apple
my final snack
my prince never came
my dwarfs cried at my feet
but though the ending was sour
the apple was sweet
HaVe YoU EvEr .......ThEsE ThInGs
Have you ever hurt so bad you couldnt describe the pain?
And even though you know you have to you cant stay away
Ive been thinking and its making me go insane
Im out of breath im hurting and i have nothing left to say
Have you every loved somebody so much
But they didint feel the same
As if they didnt care
They just act like they dont even know your name
Have you ever tried so hard but never moved up
You stayed right were you started from
And still you dont know when its enough
Have you ever remember what youve ended
But not what youve started
Wishing you could just hurry and leave
So no more you would hurt
I have
I have
I have
And even though you know you have to you cant stay away
Ive been thinking and its making me go insane
Im out of breath im hurting and i have nothing left to say
Have you every loved somebody so much
But they didint feel the same
As if they didnt care
They just act like they dont even know your name
Have you ever tried so hard but never moved up
You stayed right were you started from
And still you dont know when its enough
Have you ever remember what youve ended
But not what youve started
Wishing you could just hurry and leave
So no more you would hurt
I have
I have
I have
AgAiN
I cannot thank everyone enough for your tremendous support and friendship. I honestly feel all the hugs, and I consider myself so lucky to have so many people who are there to lend their heartfelt love during my times of sadness and difficulty. It's been a rough few days. I go from feeling strong, to weak, to strong, to weak, back to strong again. Nighttime is definitely the hardest for me. I've been so incredibly busy during the days preparing for the next phase of my life (which will be happening in my very immediate future), but the minute I lay my head down to rest, the knots in my stomach intensify and my tears soak through my pillow. Deep down, I do feel that this split is for the best; I have an immense faith that I am on the right path, and that if I can just trust the process, my life will unfold as it should. But still, losing love, and a best friend, hurts so deeply. My life has shifted dramatically in just a few short days, and though I never thought I'd endure another breakup, here I am, yet again, suffering the ache of a broken heart.
Friendship.....
Friendship.....it surprises us with it's kindness
and understanding and care
we're lost in our lives and suddenly
just when I felt alone...you were there
And me, just know somehow I've thought of you
and in you I make time to care
because knowing you I feel better about life
knowing you are there...somewhere
I wish you to be happy and hope sadness is brief
I hope to be included even if you turn over a new leaf
because something beautiful in you I see
that reminds me of the good I used to feel in me
You remind me that the best things in life are truly free
the special things that you can't always touch or see
But if we ever did meet, my hand you could hold
hope you don't mind if by that time I'm old
I've seen bad and good in the world and for a time was so sad
because I thought all of the world forgot about me and went bad
But you reminded me of the things precious and bright
and tried to make me smile and something about you feels right
You know you can ask me most anything
and its OK because it's you, and you're understanding and kind
you touch both my heart and my mind
Nicer friends it would be hard to find
So I'm lucky, myself I remind
even though much of life has felt unkind
I've been reminded that life's most wonderful and most joyous part
can be felt in the care and understanding of a friend's heart
Though good friends I can count on my fingers
and none are so near I can spend my time with them and linger
I know they care, and show it in little ways my heart does really feel
and slowly, steadily over time their quiet care is helping me to heal
Doesn't matter how far away...in my heart you'll forever stay
and understanding and care
we're lost in our lives and suddenly
just when I felt alone...you were there
And me, just know somehow I've thought of you
and in you I make time to care
because knowing you I feel better about life
knowing you are there...somewhere
I wish you to be happy and hope sadness is brief
I hope to be included even if you turn over a new leaf
because something beautiful in you I see
that reminds me of the good I used to feel in me
You remind me that the best things in life are truly free
the special things that you can't always touch or see
But if we ever did meet, my hand you could hold
hope you don't mind if by that time I'm old
I've seen bad and good in the world and for a time was so sad
because I thought all of the world forgot about me and went bad
But you reminded me of the things precious and bright
and tried to make me smile and something about you feels right
You know you can ask me most anything
and its OK because it's you, and you're understanding and kind
you touch both my heart and my mind
Nicer friends it would be hard to find
So I'm lucky, myself I remind
even though much of life has felt unkind
I've been reminded that life's most wonderful and most joyous part
can be felt in the care and understanding of a friend's heart
Though good friends I can count on my fingers
and none are so near I can spend my time with them and linger
I know they care, and show it in little ways my heart does really feel
and slowly, steadily over time their quiet care is helping me to heal
Doesn't matter how far away...in my heart you'll forever stay
Heart Of Joy
To open one’s Heart
To open one’s Mind
To have the Feeling
Most cannot find
To live one’s life
With a Heart of Joy
One must be Free
Free from Hate
Free from Greed
One must Love
One must Love all
For then one’s heart
Will fill with warmth
One’s mind will be secure
And the feeling of love
Will fill your heart
And the circle of Joy
You will never part
To open one’s Mind
To have the Feeling
Most cannot find
To live one’s life
With a Heart of Joy
One must be Free
Free from Hate
Free from Greed
One must Love
One must Love all
For then one’s heart
Will fill with warmth
One’s mind will be secure
And the feeling of love
Will fill your heart
And the circle of Joy
You will never part
Stregthening "I" to maintain "US or WE"
Love is really an act of faith. When I was younger, I had no way of knowing, or understanding, this simple yet absolute truth. I just assumed two people met, fell in love and, like all my favorite storybook endings, lived happily ever after. It really wasn’t until this relationship that I’m currently in that I learned that love is more than pink bows and sunshine, but that building solid partnerships takes effort. And that the process of working on one’s self, as well as the relationship, helps to make it last, and flow more smoothly. After all, two shaky halves don't make for a super-strong whole. But it's an act of faith because inevitably we don’t know how it all will turn out. No matter how much time and work we put into a relationship, in the end, we aren't guaranteed it will last. we breka up some times. So when we meet someone we want to build something with, we must simply give it our all and hope for the best.
We hope the love grows, and remains, even through the arguments, disappointments and hardships. We hope that he or she will be the person we want to stick it out with, even when life throws us hurdles and things feel terribly tough. That’s the hope.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. About how two separate individuals, each with their own sets of issues, baggage, lives, needs, goals and desires, come together as one? How do they create a single, loving, healthy, mutual partnership? Because the way I see it, unless both people work on their “stuff” individually, they will just bring it into the relationship, and the same issues will keep popping up over and over. There are our individual issues, and our relationship issues, and oftentimes the two are all tangled up together. As a couple, we try to work out the kinks of our relationship, but working on ourselves, for the most part, is an individual process - and one which can absolutely bolster the partnership. The strength of the "I" seems to be necessary when it comes to maintaining the health and the happiness of our "us".
But is there a point when, even though two people may be madly in love and want nothing more than to live their lives together, they still can't make it work? Because there are certain fundamental "make or break" areas in which they can't agree, or even compromise? So the team breaks down because, in those cases, love just isn't enough? It hurts to think that there are circumstances where love isn't enough. Even though I'm grown now and I realize that relationships aren't always hopelessly romantic and perfect, I still hold the sanguine notion deep in my heart that love can conquer anything; that love is all there is; that if two people are truly in love, their relationship can survive any obstacle.
Unfortunately life and love aren't as idealistic as I once imagined them to be. I have learned that recently, many times over. I don't say this in a negative way; I am actually grateful for the doses of hard reality life has force-fed me. I am a much stronger, and more balanced, aware, and confident adult because of them. Maybe in the end, this is what it takes to build a functional relationship: two people surviving, working through and learning from their own life experiences, and then coming together to create (and sustain) something that is jointly fulfilling, joyful and lasting. I hope so, because, though not as simple as a foot fitting perfectly into a glass slipper, that seems dreamy and wonderful to me too. Doing the work to reap the rewards--working hard, living life, working on oneself as well as the relationship, and fighting for love.
We hope the love grows, and remains, even through the arguments, disappointments and hardships. We hope that he or she will be the person we want to stick it out with, even when life throws us hurdles and things feel terribly tough. That’s the hope.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. About how two separate individuals, each with their own sets of issues, baggage, lives, needs, goals and desires, come together as one? How do they create a single, loving, healthy, mutual partnership? Because the way I see it, unless both people work on their “stuff” individually, they will just bring it into the relationship, and the same issues will keep popping up over and over. There are our individual issues, and our relationship issues, and oftentimes the two are all tangled up together. As a couple, we try to work out the kinks of our relationship, but working on ourselves, for the most part, is an individual process - and one which can absolutely bolster the partnership. The strength of the "I" seems to be necessary when it comes to maintaining the health and the happiness of our "us".
But is there a point when, even though two people may be madly in love and want nothing more than to live their lives together, they still can't make it work? Because there are certain fundamental "make or break" areas in which they can't agree, or even compromise? So the team breaks down because, in those cases, love just isn't enough? It hurts to think that there are circumstances where love isn't enough. Even though I'm grown now and I realize that relationships aren't always hopelessly romantic and perfect, I still hold the sanguine notion deep in my heart that love can conquer anything; that love is all there is; that if two people are truly in love, their relationship can survive any obstacle.
Unfortunately life and love aren't as idealistic as I once imagined them to be. I have learned that recently, many times over. I don't say this in a negative way; I am actually grateful for the doses of hard reality life has force-fed me. I am a much stronger, and more balanced, aware, and confident adult because of them. Maybe in the end, this is what it takes to build a functional relationship: two people surviving, working through and learning from their own life experiences, and then coming together to create (and sustain) something that is jointly fulfilling, joyful and lasting. I hope so, because, though not as simple as a foot fitting perfectly into a glass slipper, that seems dreamy and wonderful to me too. Doing the work to reap the rewards--working hard, living life, working on oneself as well as the relationship, and fighting for love.
collision!!!!!!!!
I love and hate you
At the same time
I need you, dont need you
Is that such a crime
I wouldnt walk down the road
To say goodbye
I couldnt give you up
To some other --y
I wouldnt do anything
That you asked me to
But you know
That its true
I still love you
I want you to help me
To make up my mind
I need you to hear me at least
Some of the time
I wouldnt blame you
If you had to go away
I couldnt stand to live
Like this another day
But I would sell my soul
To get you back today
Cause you know
That its true
I still love you
And you know
That its true
I still love you
At the same time
I need you, dont need you
Is that such a crime
I wouldnt walk down the road
To say goodbye
I couldnt give you up
To some other --y
I wouldnt do anything
That you asked me to
But you know
That its true
I still love you
I want you to help me
To make up my mind
I need you to hear me at least
Some of the time
I wouldnt blame you
If you had to go away
I couldnt stand to live
Like this another day
But I would sell my soul
To get you back today
Cause you know
That its true
I still love you
And you know
That its true
I still love you
Seasons of my life
This was a few days ago. i gave a post i gonna quit the blog:i had this feeling the very moment, Had I written this blog at that point of time it would have been a real tear jerker! Some thing came up and I did not get a chance to write it. I started thinking, will I be able to write it to the same extent after im soothed. I don’t think so.
Why is it that when we are happy we do not recall how bad our past was? And when we are sad all the past memories become fresh. It seems like I have been sad for long enough to remember the last best thing that happened in my life. And now I don’t even know if I am sad or happy. I guess the worst part of the day is when I am all by myself.
I tried doing some new things to keep myself busy but at least for a few minutes I try to think what I am doing with my life and it all comes back. Actually my life is not that bad. I had worst moments before and to my surprise I handled them well. But when ever some thing new comes up, it feel so hard, everything comes to a stand still, and questions my ability to handle the situation.
Can I handle the seasons of my life? I am good at handling the good ones like accomplishments (obviously). I am slowly mastering the bad ones but every other hit seems like a bigger one. I know there is much more to face in life and this is just the beginning. Some thing which has not happened yet should not hurt you but the thought that my today’s decisions are going to shape up my future is scary.
Memories.................
On a walk through the road last weekend ,A torrent of memories rushed through my mind and I began to feel a bit nostalgic for lifetimes past.
Let me explain: As I think back upon my years here, I feel like I've lived several different lives. I've gone through many different incarnations of identity, starting out as an exceedingly dependent, naive and uncertain child, and transforming into an autonomous, self-assured and aware adult. And as I think about leaving this place where I learned so much about the world, and also myself, I can't help but reminisce on the years and experiences past that have gotten me here.
Looking back, when I first moved here, I was a fresh . I didn't think long and hard about my decision to move to stupid school (VDEM) . It was simple, really. It seemed like the most terrifying thing I could think of doing. I knew that school would challenge me in ways I couldn't even imagine, and though I was petrified to do so, I knew moving here would help me gain the independence, confidence, and life skills I desperately needed. . During that first year, it really felt like i was experiencing the unwanted things for me. Its kinda hard to differentiate schooling here to metro type ,But because i was new to chitoor, and admittedly a bit intimidated and afraid, i stuck to my home. Later i got into good interaction with group of friends near my home .It seemed I spent every weekend hanging with the exact same group of friends, plus a few others we picked up along the way, that I'd spent my time with in school. We are still young, and able to go out both weekend nights and stay out 'til the sun rose
After about a year or so, I met a guy and embarked on a tempestuous and turbulent year-long relationship. That was my second identity, one that I'm certainly not proud of, but am now able to realize how much it helped mould me into the individual I am today.
Thankfully, I grew up, and shed that unfitting self. I decided that in addition to being myself, I needed to learn how to rely on nobody but myself. That was my next self-challenge.I learned to love the silence of every place i go, and really found myself in the solitude.
During these years I started meeting new friends through college and various classes, and built some of the best friendships I've ever known. One in particular, with my now dear friend, A. Without him, Im nothing. I spent a lot of time writing . This time was about me. I filled my life with aloneness, very different from loneliness, and embarked inward on a journey of self-understanding and growth. I remember feeling annoyed when people would ask for plans, like they were infringing on my "me" time...but it was all "me" time. I came to a realization, after a while, that I needed to learn to balance time to myself, and time with others.
I started writing in full swing and more, a couple of months back. It was a bold and uncalculated move, and if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't give up my day. . ...i learned a lesson from my co bloggers so,Follow this advice, because it's one of the hugest lessons I've learned during my time here till now: don't let go of one rope until you're holding onto another. I thought I was gripping the rope of WRITING tightly, but, unfortunately, the very nature of it is that it's fickle and uncertain.
Let me explain: As I think back upon my years here, I feel like I've lived several different lives. I've gone through many different incarnations of identity, starting out as an exceedingly dependent, naive and uncertain child, and transforming into an autonomous, self-assured and aware adult. And as I think about leaving this place where I learned so much about the world, and also myself, I can't help but reminisce on the years and experiences past that have gotten me here.
Looking back, when I first moved here, I was a fresh . I didn't think long and hard about my decision to move to stupid school (VDEM) . It was simple, really. It seemed like the most terrifying thing I could think of doing. I knew that school would challenge me in ways I couldn't even imagine, and though I was petrified to do so, I knew moving here would help me gain the independence, confidence, and life skills I desperately needed. . During that first year, it really felt like i was experiencing the unwanted things for me. Its kinda hard to differentiate schooling here to metro type ,But because i was new to chitoor, and admittedly a bit intimidated and afraid, i stuck to my home. Later i got into good interaction with group of friends near my home .It seemed I spent every weekend hanging with the exact same group of friends, plus a few others we picked up along the way, that I'd spent my time with in school. We are still young, and able to go out both weekend nights and stay out 'til the sun rose
After about a year or so, I met a guy and embarked on a tempestuous and turbulent year-long relationship. That was my second identity, one that I'm certainly not proud of, but am now able to realize how much it helped mould me into the individual I am today.
Thankfully, I grew up, and shed that unfitting self. I decided that in addition to being myself, I needed to learn how to rely on nobody but myself. That was my next self-challenge.I learned to love the silence of every place i go, and really found myself in the solitude.
During these years I started meeting new friends through college and various classes, and built some of the best friendships I've ever known. One in particular, with my now dear friend, A. Without him, Im nothing. I spent a lot of time writing . This time was about me. I filled my life with aloneness, very different from loneliness, and embarked inward on a journey of self-understanding and growth. I remember feeling annoyed when people would ask for plans, like they were infringing on my "me" time...but it was all "me" time. I came to a realization, after a while, that I needed to learn to balance time to myself, and time with others.
I started writing in full swing and more, a couple of months back. It was a bold and uncalculated move, and if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't give up my day. . ...i learned a lesson from my co bloggers so,Follow this advice, because it's one of the hugest lessons I've learned during my time here till now: don't let go of one rope until you're holding onto another. I thought I was gripping the rope of WRITING tightly, but, unfortunately, the very nature of it is that it's fickle and uncertain.
L----?
I've been running and running around..
I'm tired of searching for what's not meant for me to found..
I know how to feel..
Yet I can't seem to tell whether it's real..
What is this craving of you that I have?
Every glance we shared, I misbehaved..
What is this longing for you that I felt?
Every time i see you, I'm about to melt..
What is this desire of you I suffer?
Everyday this feeling inside goes deeper..
Is this what they recalled as LOVE?
Is this what suppose to make people fly high up above?
If this is what they say love is..
Then why am I wailing all my tears?
If this is what they say shall bring hope and happiness..
Then why am I sitting here with my loneliness?
I remember running down this road before..
Searching for something they named as paramour..
Once , I remember being so naive..
To find something so ineffably alluring yet itwas all deceive..
All the unexplainable craving that I had..
Just to find love rejecting like a poison injection
All the majestically longing that I felt..
Just to know my hands was not the only love has held..
All the greatful desire I had to suffer..
Just to lost the love who'd left me with wonder..
Is this what they recalled as LOVE?
The one that made me fly up above?
If this is what they say love is..
Then I've fell hard from the sky as rain of tears..
If this is what they say shall bring hope and happiness..
Then I've failed to find either only myself as a carcass..
If this is love, then it had deserted me with only pieces..
If this is love, then it is not what my soul wishes..
If this is love, then I've sadly learn it the hard way..
If this is love, then I've known better just to walk away..
I'm tired of searching for what's not meant for me to found..
I know how to feel..
Yet I can't seem to tell whether it's real..
What is this craving of you that I have?
Every glance we shared, I misbehaved..
What is this longing for you that I felt?
Every time i see you, I'm about to melt..
What is this desire of you I suffer?
Everyday this feeling inside goes deeper..
Is this what they recalled as LOVE?
Is this what suppose to make people fly high up above?
If this is what they say love is..
Then why am I wailing all my tears?
If this is what they say shall bring hope and happiness..
Then why am I sitting here with my loneliness?
I remember running down this road before..
Searching for something they named as paramour..
Once , I remember being so naive..
To find something so ineffably alluring yet itwas all deceive..
All the unexplainable craving that I had..
Just to find love rejecting like a poison injection
All the majestically longing that I felt..
Just to know my hands was not the only love has held..
All the greatful desire I had to suffer..
Just to lost the love who'd left me with wonder..
Is this what they recalled as LOVE?
The one that made me fly up above?
If this is what they say love is..
Then I've fell hard from the sky as rain of tears..
If this is what they say shall bring hope and happiness..
Then I've failed to find either only myself as a carcass..
If this is love, then it had deserted me with only pieces..
If this is love, then it is not what my soul wishes..
If this is love, then I've sadly learn it the hard way..
If this is love, then I've known better just to walk away..
Beep...
i dunno ,im feeling little happy coz i have a reason.but really hard to come out once again:inspite of recent events .now Ive decided to reconcile about some issues that seems to be fragile
I've Learned
I've learned-
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned-
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned-
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned-
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned-
that you can get by on charm for about
fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned-
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do.
I've learned-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I've learned-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.
I've learned-
that you can keep going
long after you can't.
I've learned-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've learned-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I've learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first, the passion fades
and there had better be something else to take
its place.
I've learned-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
I've learned-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned-
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and what
a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned-
that your family won't always be there for you.
It may seem funny, but people you aren't
related to can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again. Families
aren't biological.
I've learned-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned-
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive
yourself.
I've learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we
become.
I've learned-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I've learned-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I've learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your
children, they will eventually get hurt and
you will hurt in the process.
I've learned-
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned-
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
I've learned-
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned-
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.
I've learned-
that it's hard to determine where to draw
the line between being nice and not hurting
people's feelings and standing up
for what you believe
For in my life,
I've learned-
that no matter how hard I tried to be perfect
just because people asked me to be
in the end it's my choice that counts
because it's my life and I'm the one who's living it
and that only God may judge me
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I'M NOT GREED by Santhosh Sagar N is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 India License.
Based on a work at www.poorboy1.blogspot.com.