I am speechless, but I find something to say.
Something to fill the silence, the empty space, the 1,000 miles that I have gone away.
My hands are shaking, a nervous sense overwhelms my thoughts.
All this that had been put behind, resurfaces and sucks me into the waves I have fought.
Striking me with memories put to past.
Feels like just yesterday, the days go by so fast.
Knowing that the time is wrong,
just one day away, is far too long.
Holding you close, I don’t want to leave your side.
Another day and I’ll be taking another ride,
to another place, where I can’t see your beautiful face.
Still up late at night, thinking of your eyes , your touch, your smile.
Wishing that someday we might be with each other for more than just a while.
Our last moment together plays and replays,
you are my silence, you fill my empty space.
Story Untold!
words are SPOKEN,
but no one HEARS,
words are BROKEN,
and so fallen TEARS,
forgotten PLACES,
leave it all BEHIND,
and so fading FACES,
with memories to REMIND,
everything gone AWAY,
with a blink of an EYE,
look for the words to SAY,
ask yourself WHY,
i'll write these PAGES,
my story UNTOLD,
escapes these CAGES,
my story UNFOLDS
but no one HEARS,
words are BROKEN,
and so fallen TEARS,
forgotten PLACES,
leave it all BEHIND,
and so fading FACES,
with memories to REMIND,
everything gone AWAY,
with a blink of an EYE,
look for the words to SAY,
ask yourself WHY,
i'll write these PAGES,
my story UNTOLD,
escapes these CAGES,
my story UNFOLDS
A Little While
I do not live on "wishes" come true
so if only for a little while my time is spent with you
then at least i will know that this happiness
atleast i will know again the feeling of arms around me
holding me close, surrounding melifting my spirits when i am feeling down
snuggling close and wrapped in each others warmthfor now, our feelings wants and needs are joined
cause if only for a little while then at least we are hereand i would rather smile than waste time on my fears
these memories will be great to look back on cause
for a little while they were made with youMemories!!!
The warmth of a memory touches in time,
A though from my past crosses my mind,
I stop to reflect as I remember on my yesterdays,
it's hard to forget as the moment replays,
regrets and what ifs run through my head,
fighting past all the tears I have bled,
millions of memories some happy some sad,
so many constant thoughts the good and the bad,
roads that I have traveled some smooth and some rough,
I've lost and I have won been down and came up.
A though from my past crosses my mind,
I stop to reflect as I remember on my yesterdays,
it's hard to forget as the moment replays,
regrets and what ifs run through my head,
fighting past all the tears I have bled,
millions of memories some happy some sad,
so many constant thoughts the good and the bad,
roads that I have traveled some smooth and some rough,
I've lost and I have won been down and came up.
where are you my friend?!
it was sometime ago,
when i met you,
you love to tease me
then i make you pay....
it was a wonderful memories
that we both shared...
i miss the fun...those happy days
so sad we have to part ways...
laughing together,
can't stay without messaging each other,
i miss the song,
though we are both out of tune...
i miss the old days,
from sunrise til sunset
we never get tired to share
our dreams, wishes and prayer
but somehow you have to go,
i left where we both grew...
but i know i have the memories
of the wonderful friendship...
that you and i wonderfully built...
things may not be the same anymore
the way they used to be but
i know in our heart we still care...
you'll will always be my one special friend!
you will never be forgotten!
i miss you my friend
when i met you,
you love to tease me
then i make you pay....
it was a wonderful memories
that we both shared...
i miss the fun...those happy days
so sad we have to part ways...
laughing together,
can't stay without messaging each other,
i miss the song,
though we are both out of tune...
i miss the old days,
from sunrise til sunset
we never get tired to share
our dreams, wishes and prayer
but somehow you have to go,
i left where we both grew...
but i know i have the memories
of the wonderful friendship...
that you and i wonderfully built...
things may not be the same anymore
the way they used to be but
i know in our heart we still care...
you'll will always be my one special friend!
you will never be forgotten!
i miss you my friend
They Say
They say it's a Boy
They say when he was born he was pretty.
They say he loved shoes
They say he always were Shoes Then the rumors all changed
They say he hates Shoes
Theysay he likes black
They say he's worthless
They say he won't go back
They say he's nothing
They say he won't change
They say he's the Ghost
Well guess what??!!
What they say is about me.
They say when he was born he was pretty.
They say he loved shoes
They say he always were Shoes Then the rumors all changed
They say he hates Shoes
Theysay he likes black
They say he's worthless
They say he won't go back
They say he's nothing
They say he won't change
They say he's the Ghost
Well guess what??!!
What they say is about me.
Trying to Bond, Waiting in peace.
May be u don’t think about me
Or may have forgotten me
But the walls will speak the promises u made
The trees will protect the bond we shared
The birds will sing out the joy you gave…
The serene waters will reflect the spark in your eye
The stars will twinkle out the kisses
And the moon will remain as the symbol of care…
The flowers will spread your fragrance
The gentle breeze will give the warmth of you
While everything around me is full of you,
Everything around you is something else…
I wait in peace… that u will come to me …
With a silent call… a tight hug ….
And a promising promise …..
To continue the everlasting bond…."
(not the way u now think either...)
i love me and pat myself......
i hate me and slap myself....
i flirt with me .... i just insult me.....
(And still not a psych either)....
Or may have forgotten me
But the walls will speak the promises u made
The trees will protect the bond we shared
The birds will sing out the joy you gave…
The serene waters will reflect the spark in your eye
The stars will twinkle out the kisses
And the moon will remain as the symbol of care…
The flowers will spread your fragrance
The gentle breeze will give the warmth of you
While everything around me is full of you,
Everything around you is something else…
I wait in peace… that u will come to me …
With a silent call… a tight hug ….
And a promising promise …..
To continue the everlasting bond…."
(not the way u now think either...)
i love me and pat myself......
i hate me and slap myself....
i flirt with me .... i just insult me.....
(And still not a psych either)....
Moon Shy
Dark clouds racing across the sky.
True love began to fly.
In a love nest so dry.
The sky has gone from blue to gray.
The sun tried to peek through.
But the only sunshine in the room today,
Was my friend you.
The day turned into a night so crisp and cold.
A million stars dotted the sky.
On my sweetheart and I they did spy.
While the moon seemed shy.
True love began to fly.
In a love nest so dry.
The sky has gone from blue to gray.
The sun tried to peek through.
But the only sunshine in the room today,
Was my friend you.
The day turned into a night so crisp and cold.
A million stars dotted the sky.
On my sweetheart and I they did spy.
While the moon seemed shy.
Harmony in Humanity
Part of what I love so much about writing, and in fact the very mission of this blog, is the ability to connect with and relate to others through shared stories. The written word is such a powerful, viral way to reach others. By sharing our stories, we invite others inside our own worlds and us inside theirs. We have built a unique bond, sometimes with an individual we’ve never even met in person, that is both strong and genuine. In a world where there is far too much disconnectedness, aggression and animosity, communication and sharing our unique yet often universal personal tales truly ties us together. Though the world is composed of people of different genders, a variety of colors, religious beliefs, sexual orientations, values and goals, one thing unites us: we are all humans, sharing a journey through life. Our stories and our paths may not be exactly the same, but we are all moving along together, learning, laughing, mourning, growing, healing, loving, being. When we share our tales with others, we find commonalities between us that we may never have realized, or been exposed otherwise. Despite our best efforts to deny it, we as humans are each much more alike than we think. Beyond being the main goal of my writing, this is also my mission in life: share bits and pieces of my innermost self in effort to connect with others (and in the process, I have found I can’t help but become more self-aware and understanding of me as well).
So, as you might expect, I love when readers reach out to tell me they related to a blog I posted or article I wrote. In a way, this makes me feel more complete, and as though I’m fulfilling my life’s purpose. By the same token, I can also appreciate when people do not share my viewpoints, or relate to a tale I’ve expressed. After all, the beauty of life also lies in our differences.
If you have the inkling to connect too, I urge you to write. Even if it’s just in your own personal notebook. Connecting with oneself is equally, if not the MOST, important. The eye-opening journey toward self-awareness and acceptance is the first (and crucial) step toward connecting with and accepting others. This is important, as I am learning through my own inner and outer journeys; there is real harmony in humanity.
So, as you might expect, I love when readers reach out to tell me they related to a blog I posted or article I wrote. In a way, this makes me feel more complete, and as though I’m fulfilling my life’s purpose. By the same token, I can also appreciate when people do not share my viewpoints, or relate to a tale I’ve expressed. After all, the beauty of life also lies in our differences.
If you have the inkling to connect too, I urge you to write. Even if it’s just in your own personal notebook. Connecting with oneself is equally, if not the MOST, important. The eye-opening journey toward self-awareness and acceptance is the first (and crucial) step toward connecting with and accepting others. This is important, as I am learning through my own inner and outer journeys; there is real harmony in humanity.
I Still Intend To Smile
What I searched for I never found,
What I love will never last,
What I want is never mine,
What is mine is not what I want,
But I still intend to smile.
What I hugged is now a mist,
What I loved is now just a memory,
Who I wished to be with is now the tears on my face,
The place I loved to sit is now being rebuilt,
But I still intend to smile.
The place I call home is slowly falling apart,
The people I called relations are fading away,
The person I truly love I’m scared I’ll lose,
The places the bought happiness now bring tears,
But I still intend to smile.
My reason for living is now unknown,
My purpose for life is now nothing,
My path of life is now destroyed by nature,
My peaceful mountain peak has erupted,
But I still intend to smile.
The colorful world in front of me is now black and white
The sharp images in front of me is now small and blurry
The beautiful land that surrounded me is now just a deserted island.
The rose I was holding is now slowly dying.
But I still intend to smile.
The words I spoke non stop now find it difficult to come out,
The jokes I made without thinking no longer exists,
The laughs I had with people seems to never happen again
The memories with the people I love is now like a old album
But I still intend to smile.
My happy part of life seems to have found an end
My sorrow part of life seems to have just started,
My days with laughter have died
My days with tears have born
But I still intend to smile – because there isn’t any situation that Stops you from smiling, so simply just smile.
What I love will never last,
What I want is never mine,
What is mine is not what I want,
But I still intend to smile.
What I hugged is now a mist,
What I loved is now just a memory,
Who I wished to be with is now the tears on my face,
The place I loved to sit is now being rebuilt,
But I still intend to smile.
The place I call home is slowly falling apart,
The people I called relations are fading away,
The person I truly love I’m scared I’ll lose,
The places the bought happiness now bring tears,
But I still intend to smile.
My reason for living is now unknown,
My purpose for life is now nothing,
My path of life is now destroyed by nature,
My peaceful mountain peak has erupted,
But I still intend to smile.
The colorful world in front of me is now black and white
The sharp images in front of me is now small and blurry
The beautiful land that surrounded me is now just a deserted island.
The rose I was holding is now slowly dying.
But I still intend to smile.
The words I spoke non stop now find it difficult to come out,
The jokes I made without thinking no longer exists,
The laughs I had with people seems to never happen again
The memories with the people I love is now like a old album
But I still intend to smile.
My happy part of life seems to have found an end
My sorrow part of life seems to have just started,
My days with laughter have died
My days with tears have born
But I still intend to smile – because there isn’t any situation that Stops you from smiling, so simply just smile.
Emotion Management
Sometimes I fall “in it”. I can’t always identify what catapults me into a state of total and utter “worthy of an Ont” drama- distress, but once I’m there, I feel trapped. I do everything I know how to help myself flee and emerge, unscathed, from the dark and narrow confines of dejection, but at times it feels impossible.
Cognitively I know that the ball lies in my court – it is up to me to change my mind (and thus, my attitude), and regain my sense of calm and composure, but I have never been someone who is at a loss for emotions. And as sensitive and full as sentiment as I’ve always been, I’ve also never known how to control them. There are times I feel like my emotions own me. They start small, like tiny flickers in the depths of my gut brought on by nothing more than someone’s meaningless comment, but my thoughts give them fuel and before I know it the sparks have ignited into full-blown fiery flames, rising upward and rolling through my every cell and limb.
While oftentimes I do misconstrue words and circumstances meant to be harmless, my feelings are quick to tremble and ache. I have been accused, more than a million times, of being too sensitive. “Grow a backbone,” they’ve always said, “You can’t take everything so personally.”
And so I try, but some things are easier said than done. One minute I am basking in life’s bliss, and the next I am tearing up over the hardship of humanity. Is this normal? I don’t know…probably not. Would I be more tranquil if I didn’t feel so much all the time? Probably, yes. But, while at times my deep sensitivity, empathy and emotional aptitude are my greatest downfalls, they are also my best assets. Because of them, I feel everything deeply.
I am affected by the beauty I see in everyone and everything. I am in touch with my inner self all of the time, and I can usually sense the true sentiments of others without them ever having to express them to me. I pick up on energy and feelings the way puppies pick up on scent. Most significantly, however, my emotions allow me to connect with others on deeper, more meaningful levels. And I have to believe this deepens and strengthens my writing too. For all of that, I am grateful.
So while there may be times sentiment wholly overcomes and overwhelms me, for the most part I wouldn’t give up this part of myself for anything. I only hope, as time goes on, I grow more skilled at managing it.
Cognitively I know that the ball lies in my court – it is up to me to change my mind (and thus, my attitude), and regain my sense of calm and composure, but I have never been someone who is at a loss for emotions. And as sensitive and full as sentiment as I’ve always been, I’ve also never known how to control them. There are times I feel like my emotions own me. They start small, like tiny flickers in the depths of my gut brought on by nothing more than someone’s meaningless comment, but my thoughts give them fuel and before I know it the sparks have ignited into full-blown fiery flames, rising upward and rolling through my every cell and limb.
While oftentimes I do misconstrue words and circumstances meant to be harmless, my feelings are quick to tremble and ache. I have been accused, more than a million times, of being too sensitive. “Grow a backbone,” they’ve always said, “You can’t take everything so personally.”
And so I try, but some things are easier said than done. One minute I am basking in life’s bliss, and the next I am tearing up over the hardship of humanity. Is this normal? I don’t know…probably not. Would I be more tranquil if I didn’t feel so much all the time? Probably, yes. But, while at times my deep sensitivity, empathy and emotional aptitude are my greatest downfalls, they are also my best assets. Because of them, I feel everything deeply.
I am affected by the beauty I see in everyone and everything. I am in touch with my inner self all of the time, and I can usually sense the true sentiments of others without them ever having to express them to me. I pick up on energy and feelings the way puppies pick up on scent. Most significantly, however, my emotions allow me to connect with others on deeper, more meaningful levels. And I have to believe this deepens and strengthens my writing too. For all of that, I am grateful.
So while there may be times sentiment wholly overcomes and overwhelms me, for the most part I wouldn’t give up this part of myself for anything. I only hope, as time goes on, I grow more skilled at managing it.
The Rest Is Unwritten...
Chapter1: The Beginning
Though the moon clinches the sky with its luminosity, it seems that tonight the darkness of my eyes chilled me. I tried to hide from this shoulders but solitude came so near in front of my nose that I couldn't even seize the air. For a while, I scanned the story that started it all - so many secrets now all revealed, halfway I couldn't believed that Someone with the name -------(say X) will put all the meaning of the words "Life is Worth Living For". Deeply, inside her thoughts I don't even know her - all I knew behind that silent smile I can hear the world roaring, eyes that showed true colors of rainbow and powerless presence that made me weak every time she passed me by. I found something on her, till now I don't even know what it is. Friends kept on asking me "why?" and "what's with 'X' that made me so in to her?", I just tossed a smile and stopped for a while, I think even if I go beyond my human power - really I cant find any answer to their questions. It's been so long since I felt this, I paid out million of nights and days asking myself and heaven's above; from all the rest in the crowd, why she? Many times, when I almost lost my courage and hope, the simple thing I know that eased me was to lock her inside my thoughts and heart. One thought of her makes me wanna dance again with the cruel game of life. She's one of the reasons why I believe in another morning and falling star. Going back to college days, I woke up early am hoping to grasp my friendly falling stars who grant my every wish - wishing to see her the soonest I step back to my place from chittoor town. The moment i saw her,In no language could ever translate how thankful I am to God, being so lucky He has given me this kind of life. For an hour, I defined life beautiful.
Chapter 2: The Voice of Miracle
Who would miss the movie of Pinocchio? Yes, miracles are made from the heart. The first time I met my miracle was when I got the shock in my 1st year college days. I supposed not to belong in that class room for God knows I didn't join my friends who enrolled Electonic subject, I stood up ready to go out from that class when I saw 'X' in front of the door and I was so amazed when my teacher mentioned my name and said I should stay coz I enrolled (daw) the computer subject. As if I heard million of angels laughing and crying for me; laughing coz they're happy for me - happy to sing me new lullaby's everyday but crying coz they knew that would be the beginning of my heart pumping in my stomach, comes up to my throat and everyday will choke me. In my 3rd year college days, when 'X' still my classmate Thanking God wasn't enough to say for that was another miracle for me, Fate stroked me miraculously, when my doctor informed us that I'm dying - malignant stage because of the inflammations of veins in my neck and in my brain. But that wasn't hard for me to accept it, the fact that part of me is rejoicing - the belief that I could come back soon through reincarnation made me so happy and hopeful. The thought that I'll be gone pushed me to call 'X' on the phone, as I dialed her numbers my mind filled with prayers, wishing and hoping that for the last time I could hear her voice - coz when I die and raise from the grave, I still want to look for that voice again and again. It took me awhile to discover myself swimming the Idian Ocean; I sweat a rain with that 5 minutes conversation and felt so good - so new. I never knew, miracle happened in just a phone call - in just one voice - in just one person - in just one 'X'.. coming back into this world was so easy. After that incident, I was healed, and X was God's hand-made instrument to save me.
Chapter 3: Strangers and a Dreamer
Years gone by so fast, many strangers came into my life and one of them become part of my journey. Stand by me in times of trouble and teach me more how to understand life. She'll knew where I placed her in my heart and the things I can only give her - because of 'X'. Friends say, I wasted the chance to be loved. As I looked back the past and all the goodness she've done to me, I might say, " Yes I did! But somehow I have no regrets; I gave her all the love and respect I could define. Though I tried to move on, find someone outside more than 'X' but the story starts over and over again when all the strength I invested to change my heart still didn't work coz everytime I see her I forgot the names of the people I met. Being loved by someone is flattering and an achievement - but no one compares to the happiness when we love someone without asking and expecting something in return.
If I believe in fairy tales then maybe my feet sets on fire while she is dancing in my dreams(lol!). I only sleep maybe because I dreamed about her - she's always been the author of my every dream . Great dreamer? Maybe I am, coz in my real world 'X is the distant bright star and I am the poor crawling worm learned to look up the sky. God knows after a decade of keeping and nursing this feeling, I'm still happy having this feeling until now. 'X' was my past., my present. and one of the reasons why I still want to wake up in my tomorrows. 'X' brought so much joy and good in my life though she never knew it but I can't afford to replace or re-arrange my happiness in just a wave of magic wand - growing old with the stuff inside my chest is my greatest obsession. I'm contented throwing up only glances to my 'X', the happiness it brings to me is more than enough. (To be continued........)
Though the moon clinches the sky with its luminosity, it seems that tonight the darkness of my eyes chilled me. I tried to hide from this shoulders but solitude came so near in front of my nose that I couldn't even seize the air. For a while, I scanned the story that started it all - so many secrets now all revealed, halfway I couldn't believed that Someone with the name -------(say X) will put all the meaning of the words "Life is Worth Living For". Deeply, inside her thoughts I don't even know her - all I knew behind that silent smile I can hear the world roaring, eyes that showed true colors of rainbow and powerless presence that made me weak every time she passed me by. I found something on her, till now I don't even know what it is. Friends kept on asking me "why?" and "what's with 'X' that made me so in to her?", I just tossed a smile and stopped for a while, I think even if I go beyond my human power - really I cant find any answer to their questions. It's been so long since I felt this, I paid out million of nights and days asking myself and heaven's above; from all the rest in the crowd, why she? Many times, when I almost lost my courage and hope, the simple thing I know that eased me was to lock her inside my thoughts and heart. One thought of her makes me wanna dance again with the cruel game of life. She's one of the reasons why I believe in another morning and falling star. Going back to college days, I woke up early am hoping to grasp my friendly falling stars who grant my every wish - wishing to see her the soonest I step back to my place from chittoor town. The moment i saw her,In no language could ever translate how thankful I am to God, being so lucky He has given me this kind of life. For an hour, I defined life beautiful.
Chapter 2: The Voice of Miracle
Who would miss the movie of Pinocchio? Yes, miracles are made from the heart. The first time I met my miracle was when I got the shock in my 1st year college days. I supposed not to belong in that class room for God knows I didn't join my friends who enrolled Electonic subject, I stood up ready to go out from that class when I saw 'X' in front of the door and I was so amazed when my teacher mentioned my name and said I should stay coz I enrolled (daw) the computer subject. As if I heard million of angels laughing and crying for me; laughing coz they're happy for me - happy to sing me new lullaby's everyday but crying coz they knew that would be the beginning of my heart pumping in my stomach, comes up to my throat and everyday will choke me. In my 3rd year college days, when 'X' still my classmate Thanking God wasn't enough to say for that was another miracle for me, Fate stroked me miraculously, when my doctor informed us that I'm dying - malignant stage because of the inflammations of veins in my neck and in my brain. But that wasn't hard for me to accept it, the fact that part of me is rejoicing - the belief that I could come back soon through reincarnation made me so happy and hopeful. The thought that I'll be gone pushed me to call 'X' on the phone, as I dialed her numbers my mind filled with prayers, wishing and hoping that for the last time I could hear her voice - coz when I die and raise from the grave, I still want to look for that voice again and again. It took me awhile to discover myself swimming the Idian Ocean; I sweat a rain with that 5 minutes conversation and felt so good - so new. I never knew, miracle happened in just a phone call - in just one voice - in just one person - in just one 'X'.. coming back into this world was so easy. After that incident, I was healed, and X was God's hand-made instrument to save me.
Chapter 3: Strangers and a Dreamer
Years gone by so fast, many strangers came into my life and one of them become part of my journey. Stand by me in times of trouble and teach me more how to understand life. She'll knew where I placed her in my heart and the things I can only give her - because of 'X'. Friends say, I wasted the chance to be loved. As I looked back the past and all the goodness she've done to me, I might say, " Yes I did! But somehow I have no regrets; I gave her all the love and respect I could define. Though I tried to move on, find someone outside more than 'X' but the story starts over and over again when all the strength I invested to change my heart still didn't work coz everytime I see her I forgot the names of the people I met. Being loved by someone is flattering and an achievement - but no one compares to the happiness when we love someone without asking and expecting something in return.
If I believe in fairy tales then maybe my feet sets on fire while she is dancing in my dreams(lol!). I only sleep maybe because I dreamed about her - she's always been the author of my every dream . Great dreamer? Maybe I am, coz in my real world 'X is the distant bright star and I am the poor crawling worm learned to look up the sky. God knows after a decade of keeping and nursing this feeling, I'm still happy having this feeling until now. 'X' was my past., my present. and one of the reasons why I still want to wake up in my tomorrows. 'X' brought so much joy and good in my life though she never knew it but I can't afford to replace or re-arrange my happiness in just a wave of magic wand - growing old with the stuff inside my chest is my greatest obsession. I'm contented throwing up only glances to my 'X', the happiness it brings to me is more than enough. (To be continued........)
Wondering If Friendships Were Real!!!!!
There are friendships that I keep
Though they only make me weep
There are friends I hope are true
And pray for as I lay down to sleep
Though they only make me weep
There are friends I hope are true
And pray for as I lay down to sleep
But I'm thinking of friends who came and went
Who at first felt so true and Heavensent
So precious at the time that kindness was lent
And then disappeared as if every last cent was spent
Without the reassurance of lasting care
Without contact or taking time anymore to share
I sadly question everything and I hear my heart declare
"I wonder if they were truly ever really there?"
Thinking now just what I feel
questioning what really is or isn't real
I have found so few in life on whom I can depend
I wonder if I've really ever had a best friend
I guess I'm jaded through and through
I smile but my heart cries huh!
And there is not a thing I can do
But think of what we shared..and miss you too
To My Best Friend!!!!!!!!!!
Theres something that you need to know ,
All this time, Ive been learning how to let you go
I ve waited , pleaded forgivin and cried
just enough to know that I tried
tried for a time and fought for a season
begging and pleading for you to give me a reason
to try this again with tears in my eyes.
Ive ran out reasons Ive ran out of why's
and it cant be without you, but ready to try
You ask for the answers , im not ready to give you,
how can we move forward when I cant forgive you.
All this time, Ive been learning how to let you go
I ve waited , pleaded forgivin and cried
just enough to know that I tried
tried for a time and fought for a season
begging and pleading for you to give me a reason
to try this again with tears in my eyes.
Ive ran out reasons Ive ran out of why's
and it cant be without you, but ready to try
You ask for the answers , im not ready to give you,
how can we move forward when I cant forgive you.
I was waiting there, to find direction
i was waiting there to see your intentions
But, were just two different people, and somehow I know
that were two different people that need to let go.
(I will never forget you , you really are my best freind.)
I need a good defence, coz i'm feeling like criminal!!.LOL!
I’ve been a bad, bad boy. Or a bad, bad blogger anyway. So bad that I missed my own blogoversary in december. This blog itself is one year old. And I did nothing to mark the occasion. Sorry blog, sorry blog buddies.
Maybe it’s because there were another two years behind these past one year of blogging on the now defunct Reality Check , but somehow lately I am not feeling the creative blog juices flowing. I never wanted blogging to feel like a chore, and yet lately it somehow does. It’s something that I sometimes feel like I have to do, rather than want to, at any given moment. And yet, overall I do want to blog.
Blogging brought me a lot of unexpected things, including some friends, some quite good friends actually. I never knew coming into this that it wasn’t just a one-way street o f my pumping out my insights and anecdotes. That with feed back and discovering other notions, I’d find a way to connect to people. People I consider friends. Who cheer me on when I need encouragement, celebrate when the good happens, and have offered sympathy and support if it’s something bad.
And so, I apologize to you. I feel somehow I’ve let you down. And you’re sometimes what keeps me coming back. Which is the best part of all. I know you’ll be here whenever I have something to say. And for that I thank you. On on this, my belated blogoversary I send the happy and good wishes your way. Thanks.
if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?
Do the theater queens among you recognize that? I'll let you figure it out. No googling.
It's so true, isn't it? I've become a big proponent lately of positive thinking and good vibrations and stuff. Not in a new-agey guru weird kinda way, but in a "well, it can't hurt, so why not be positive?" kinda way.
I think it's impossible to achieve your dreams if you're constantly visualizing failure and filled with dread. Why not visualize success, and fill yourself with hope? You'll automatically align your mind, and from there your actions, with the path that will take you where you want to go.
Of course, this philosophy is hard to reconcile with realism. And it's even harder to reconcile with risk-aversion. And I am extremely risk averse.
A few months ago, I was having dinner with a friend, and (because I was irritated with him for another reason) I attacked him for this very quality. Specifically, when he becomes interested in a gal, he goes WAY overboard. He thinks the gal really "gets" him, and that he has never felt a connection like this before. This could really be the one!
And then, after a while, reality sets in, and sometimes he gets hurt. As his friend, I see the pattern and provide the shoulder in the aftermath. But when I attacked him for it, he (quite justifiably) snapped back, "Well at least I try. At least I allow myself to feel something."
It stung, but within five minutes I realized he's right. I'm so risk averse, particularly in matters of the heart, that I never get as far as FEELING. I analyze the pros and cons, and since the cons have always outweighed the pros, I cut it off before there's any risk of getting hurt. Relationships can be painful, but if you don't take a risk, you'll never get what you want.
I do have a particular dream. More than anything, I want it to come true. I don't know how to get there, but the first step is admitting that it is my dream. I need to stop dwelling on the cons, and put the possibility of pain out of my mind. I need to just go for it. Otherwise, there's no possibility of my dream coming true.
What's your dream?
It's so true, isn't it? I've become a big proponent lately of positive thinking and good vibrations and stuff. Not in a new-agey guru weird kinda way, but in a "well, it can't hurt, so why not be positive?" kinda way.
I think it's impossible to achieve your dreams if you're constantly visualizing failure and filled with dread. Why not visualize success, and fill yourself with hope? You'll automatically align your mind, and from there your actions, with the path that will take you where you want to go.
Of course, this philosophy is hard to reconcile with realism. And it's even harder to reconcile with risk-aversion. And I am extremely risk averse.
A few months ago, I was having dinner with a friend, and (because I was irritated with him for another reason) I attacked him for this very quality. Specifically, when he becomes interested in a gal, he goes WAY overboard. He thinks the gal really "gets" him, and that he has never felt a connection like this before. This could really be the one!
And then, after a while, reality sets in, and sometimes he gets hurt. As his friend, I see the pattern and provide the shoulder in the aftermath. But when I attacked him for it, he (quite justifiably) snapped back, "Well at least I try. At least I allow myself to feel something."
It stung, but within five minutes I realized he's right. I'm so risk averse, particularly in matters of the heart, that I never get as far as FEELING. I analyze the pros and cons, and since the cons have always outweighed the pros, I cut it off before there's any risk of getting hurt. Relationships can be painful, but if you don't take a risk, you'll never get what you want.
I do have a particular dream. More than anything, I want it to come true. I don't know how to get there, but the first step is admitting that it is my dream. I need to stop dwelling on the cons, and put the possibility of pain out of my mind. I need to just go for it. Otherwise, there's no possibility of my dream coming true.
What's your dream?
Slow Down!!!!!!!!
I’ve been a terrible blogger lately. TERRIBLE. And what breaks my heart about it is that blogging (and writing in general) is one of my most treasured passions. When I’m writing (and documenting) less, I begin to feel less whole and wildly out of balance.
Everything in my life is good. My equilibrium isn’t off because I’m unhappy, but because I have so many wonderful and exciting new things happening in my world and I’m busier than I’ve ever been in my life. My life is full – I just took one look at my calendar, and had a mini panic-attack. I forgot to schedule space for breathing.
Here’s the thing: I don’t do well like this. I need to breathe – a lot, in fact. Breathing in and out, preferably slow, long breaths, makes me happy. It keeps me sane and, well, alive. There is nothing I want to give up – or even would give up – but at some point down the road, I’m going to have to learn to find time for me and the things that make me ME. Whether it’s a night on the sofa doing absolutely nothing (ooh that sounds good!), or an hour-long watching TV, finally taking that CISCO class , or even sleeping, it needs to happen. Because I? Am exhausted.
Over the past few weeks, my body has been breaking down in a myriad of ways as a means of forcing me to slow down; I guess this is good because without its persuasion, I seem to refuse the rest I need. My glands are swollen, I have some weird throat infection, I’m breaking out everywhere and I’m so sluggish that no amount of coffee can keep my weary eyes wide.
It’s that bad.
I recently heard that the most stressful events in life are losing a loved one, getting married, moving and starting a new job. Hmm…all eerily familiar. I lost my chum a couple of years ago (and wow do emotions from that devastating loss still creep up constantly and blindside me when I least expect them…), I recently joined the class of my juniors,class in chennai,little fights . Change isn’t the enemy. In fact, I like it because it means I’m growing, evolving, overcoming challenges and learning plenty of new things. But it certainly takes me some time to adjust. And there’s been a lot of change, mixed in with a continuous stream of activities for months on end now, and I think my body’s finally pleading “UMM”.
But the good news, like I said, is that most everything in my world is fun and positive. I LOVE the way am now , I LOVE my friends! I LOVE all the fun plans. I LOVE that I’m getting busy! So what to do? Try to slow down, take just one night (or maybe even one hour?) to myself a week to do what I want and need for me, and go on happily (and less tired?)
How do you keep sane and healthy when things in your world become overwhelming?
Everything in my life is good. My equilibrium isn’t off because I’m unhappy, but because I have so many wonderful and exciting new things happening in my world and I’m busier than I’ve ever been in my life. My life is full – I just took one look at my calendar, and had a mini panic-attack. I forgot to schedule space for breathing.
Here’s the thing: I don’t do well like this. I need to breathe – a lot, in fact. Breathing in and out, preferably slow, long breaths, makes me happy. It keeps me sane and, well, alive. There is nothing I want to give up – or even would give up – but at some point down the road, I’m going to have to learn to find time for me and the things that make me ME. Whether it’s a night on the sofa doing absolutely nothing (ooh that sounds good!), or an hour-long watching TV, finally taking that CISCO class , or even sleeping, it needs to happen. Because I? Am exhausted.
Over the past few weeks, my body has been breaking down in a myriad of ways as a means of forcing me to slow down; I guess this is good because without its persuasion, I seem to refuse the rest I need. My glands are swollen, I have some weird throat infection, I’m breaking out everywhere and I’m so sluggish that no amount of coffee can keep my weary eyes wide.
It’s that bad.
I recently heard that the most stressful events in life are losing a loved one, getting married, moving and starting a new job. Hmm…all eerily familiar. I lost my chum a couple of years ago (and wow do emotions from that devastating loss still creep up constantly and blindside me when I least expect them…), I recently joined the class of my juniors,class in chennai,little fights . Change isn’t the enemy. In fact, I like it because it means I’m growing, evolving, overcoming challenges and learning plenty of new things. But it certainly takes me some time to adjust. And there’s been a lot of change, mixed in with a continuous stream of activities for months on end now, and I think my body’s finally pleading “UMM”.
But the good news, like I said, is that most everything in my world is fun and positive. I LOVE the way am now , I LOVE my friends! I LOVE all the fun plans. I LOVE that I’m getting busy! So what to do? Try to slow down, take just one night (or maybe even one hour?) to myself a week to do what I want and need for me, and go on happily (and less tired?)
How do you keep sane and healthy when things in your world become overwhelming?
Self help
Good time out with friends today.
I’ve learnt to close an eye to things that would use to irritate the hell out of me, I’m nobody’s parent or principal. If people be late, they be late. I read my book. If people are weird about money, they are weird about money. My take is, I can always earn more money.
When I have kids, I’d be very careful about who their friends are. Given time and contact, youngsters begin to adopt the values and behaviors of their peers. Sizing up someone’s friends and associates will give you a pretty reliable indication of his or her character. It’s the thin slice: We get a good idea of who a person is by the friends she makes and the books he reads.
I’m very wary of those who profess religious beliefs, high morals and ethics overly much. political games.
Some general observations from all about — 'A' thinks she can get away with little impatient comments that betray her trying to get 'X' down, always peppering her “interested” intelligent questions with just that slight put-down. Always on impeccable behaviour with others whom she thinks are “above” her in social status though. B is not sophisticated about that streak of calculativeness, has need to appear financially successful. C is pretty comfortable with himself, I like him. D is just bored with her life and seeking distraction, seems pretty trustworthy, though. E is very sensitive, very touchy, has external locus of control. I try not to ask too many questions as he seems a bit evasive with some questions: avoiding embarrassment, conflict, the truth, or an emotionally difficult subject?
And me: I’ve to learn to take criticism gracefully and not like a personal attack. Have got to learn patience, and stick-to-it-iveness: tend to get overexcited about new things when I’ve already got a lot on my plate. Have to learn not to overextend myself, and say “no” gracefully. Have to remember not to be so judgmental: we never see the whole story about a person’s life — in any case I’ll leave the judging to God.
Don’t be attention-grabbing conversation-steerer. It reeks of self-centredness and being insecure. Hone listening skills. Don’t interrupt others. Excuse myself when I feel drained.
Always back talk with action.
Also losing one’s temper is a bad habit; rein in, rein in, rein in that temper.
I also don’t like that streak of free-floating defensiveness that’s creeped up in my talk. “Just an engineering student” “Just going to get a useless degree from JNTU”: Granted I’m pretty self-deprecating, but beneath it all is anger — I don’t feel that people here respect me for reading . Why this desire for social recognition? Is it because I truly feel that teachers, educators, public servants deserve more recognition; or am I just angry that Iam lower in comparison to others ? I think this is a hot button issue with me, and I want to be clearer about why so. Is there guilt? Embarrassment? Anger? Why? Am I feeling some sort of regret or deep unhappiness with my life?
*
Exaggeration: Person is insecure and trying to get noticed. If you had a bad experience at the hospital a few years back, she had an even worse one. If you know a great french restaurant, she knows the world’s best. Besides being insecure, people who engage in this type of exaggeration are often trying to control the conversation and the behaviour of those participating in it.
Some people express themselves in extremes not because they want to control others’ behaviour but because that’s how they see life. The positive thinkers include those who are sincerely thrilled to be alive and who express their enthusiasm at the drop of a hat. But there are also people who adopt a jovial attitude in an attempt to disguise a deep disappointment with life or in an effort to change, or at least ignore, their fate through sheer force of will. It’s hard to tell between someone who’s truly joyful and one who has adopted a sunny facade. Sometimes someone who’s overcompensating will let down her guard, revealing her anxiety or sadness with a passing comment or facial expression.
Life and its complexities....
Well, there are so many things that can go wrong and trust me if they can (even with 0.1% possibility), they will go wrong. Not being able to realize what has been happening for past few days, I have a very creepy feeling. I just don’t understand my thoughts and moreover I can not even make any sense of them. Just like an accident that puts the victim in a shocking and turvy position, I have been wounded by the high volume of different things and different feeling that I have been experiencing. I’m left with the hope to see and experience what I was considering as “Happiness”.
The mind, itself and its logical analysis remain quite amazed with what heart and feeling can do to human’s body and soul. The soul, despite its meta-physical nature, can still cause a sensible/touchable kind of pain. So far, I can almost assure myself that there are a lot of hidden , but direct, connections between heart and soul and soul and mind. One should put the order as follow: You see things or hear things that you should not (because you know that they will affect you in a very bad way) , your heart will receive an “Unhappy” signal from your senses. It will pass the complain to your mind and mind will start complaining about some other semi-related issues. And when they see that no one cares, they both, at the same time and in an endless effort try to bother the soul. Soul , with a lot of capacity, starts receiving all the negative signals and soon will become overwhelmed. When soul reaches its limits and passes the pre-defined thresholds, (based on your previous experiences and also mindset and moreover the average of the market!) , it will start sending a lot of “Unhappy” signals to your heart and mind. Well, as you can probably predict, the story gets back to its beginning and starts all over again. We can call it an “infinite loop.” Cone and help me here. It’s your part to sit and imagine the rest of the story and if you get chance, drop me a line if you know of any solution that will send you out of this infinite loop.
The mind, itself and its logical analysis remain quite amazed with what heart and feeling can do to human’s body and soul. The soul, despite its meta-physical nature, can still cause a sensible/touchable kind of pain. So far, I can almost assure myself that there are a lot of hidden , but direct, connections between heart and soul and soul and mind. One should put the order as follow: You see things or hear things that you should not (because you know that they will affect you in a very bad way) , your heart will receive an “Unhappy” signal from your senses. It will pass the complain to your mind and mind will start complaining about some other semi-related issues. And when they see that no one cares, they both, at the same time and in an endless effort try to bother the soul. Soul , with a lot of capacity, starts receiving all the negative signals and soon will become overwhelmed. When soul reaches its limits and passes the pre-defined thresholds, (based on your previous experiences and also mindset and moreover the average of the market!) , it will start sending a lot of “Unhappy” signals to your heart and mind. Well, as you can probably predict, the story gets back to its beginning and starts all over again. We can call it an “infinite loop.” Cone and help me here. It’s your part to sit and imagine the rest of the story and if you get chance, drop me a line if you know of any solution that will send you out of this infinite loop.
Making Music With What Remains.
The Israeli violinist Yitzhak Perlman contracted polio at the age of 4. Ever since, he has had to wear metal braces on his legs and walk with crutches, yet he became one of the great virtuoso of our time. On one occasion, the story is told, he came out onto the stage at a concert to play a violin concerto. Laying down his crutches, he placed the violin under his chin and began tuning the instrument when, with an audible crack, one of the strings broke. The audience were expecting him to send for another string, but instead he signalled the conductor to begin, and he proceeded to play the concerto entirely on three strings. At the end of the performance the audience gave him a standing ovation and called on him to speak. What he said, so the story goes, was this: “Our task is to make music with what remains.” That was a comment on more than a broken violin string. It was a comment on his paralysis and on all that is broken in life.
Happiness, these lives seem to say, is not the absence of suffering but the ability to take its fractured discords and turn them into music that rescues from the darkest regions of the soul a haunting yet humanizing beauty.
Happiness, these lives seem to say, is not the absence of suffering but the ability to take its fractured discords and turn them into music that rescues from the darkest regions of the soul a haunting yet humanizing beauty.
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I'M NOT GREED by Santhosh Sagar N is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 India License.
Based on a work at www.poorboy1.blogspot.com.